Taking Care of Business (1990)
Jimmy Dworski: Just give me my reward and I'm outta here.
Spencer Barnes: Reward, are you crazy? I should sue you for everything you've got!
Jimmy Dworski: I'd like to see that. I got nothing.
[pretending to be Spencer Barnes while making a toast during a business meeting]
Jimmy Dworski: A toast on that the Cubs may win the World Series... , and big tits.
Ted Bradford Jr.: Spencer... Toast.
Jimmy Dworski: Yeah... A toast! To the Cubs winning the world series!... and to big tits!
Jimmy Dworski: It's the Cubs in the World Series - it's a dream of mine, sir.
Warden Toolman: I know, I know,I know, I know, all right. I am not gonna stand in the way of anybody's dream, Jimmy. I'll tell you what:
Jimmy Dworski: What?
Warden Toolman: If I sink this put, you can go. What do you think of that? Hmmm?
Jimmy Dworski: I think you should keep your head down, arms straight, drop your shoulder, concentrate, focus, think of the hole, GET the ball in the hole!
Warden Toolman: Smell the hot dogs now, Jimmy. The crack of the bat; the roar of the crowd; you can order your tickets now, Jim.
[the ball misses the hole by a mile]
Jimmy Dworski: Half a day. Just a half a day. I'll make it up when I come back. I'll give you 2 weeks.
Warden Toolman: [Shakes head no as if struggling with the decision]
Jimmy Dworski: OK OK I'll give you 2 weeks solitary.
Warden Toolman: [Nods yes] No can do.
Jimmy Dworski: Aw, COME ON! Lighten up, will ya? This game is SO important to me. It REALLY is. Come on this is just a minimum security prison, for Christ's sake!
[Warden and guard look up as if offended]
Jimmy Dworski: I mean a MAXIMUM minimum security prison - it's a tough prison, though.
Warden Toolman: Take away his TV priveleges.
Jimmy Dworski: Aw, COME ON! You can't take away my TV! I GOTTA watch the game. Come on - please don't be an asshole, all right?
Warden Toolman: Did you call me an asshole?
Jimmy Dworski: [to guard] Did I say "asshole"? I didn't call him an asshole, did I?
Prison Guard: Yep.
Warden Toolman: Take away everyone's TV priveleges, and let them know whose fault it is. NO ONE is gonna watch the game!
Jimmy Dworski: No - you can't... You can't!
Warden Toolman: NO ONE!
Jimmy Dworski: I didn't mean to call you an asshole - that's not what I meant! I meant assWIPE! You're an assWIPE!
Jimmy Dworski: And you - you LOOK like an asshole! And you look like another asshole!
Jewel Bentley: That was the best safe sex I've ever had!
Jimmy Dworski: That was the best sex I've had in 2 years, 11 months, 3 weeks and 5 days!
Spencer Barnes: [inside the prison] Look me up when you get out.
Jimmy Dworski: OK. I get out in about 20 minutes.
Spencer Barnes: In that case, forget it.