[Dictating his personal log]
Captain James T. Kirk: Captain's log, stardate 9522.6: I've never trusted Klingons, and I never will. I could never forgive them for the death of my boy. It seems to me our mission to escort the Chancellor of the Klingon High Council to a peace summit is problematic at best. Spock says this could be an historic occasion, and I'd like to believe him, but how on earth can history get past people like me?
[on whether to help the Klingons]
Captain James T. Kirk: They're animals.
Captain Spock: Jim, there is an historic opportunity here.
Captain James T. Kirk: Don't believe them. Don't trust them.
Captain Spock: They're dying.
Captain James T. Kirk: Let them die!
[pauses... Spock cocks his head in surprise. Kirk recoils and proceeds]
Captain James T. Kirk: Has it occurred to you that this crew is due to stand down in three months? We've done our bit for king and country! You should have trusted me.
Captain James T. Kirk: Bones, are you afraid of the future?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: I believe that was the general idea that I was trying to convey.
Captain James T. Kirk: I don't mean this future.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: What is this, multiple choice?
Captain Spock: Logic, logic, logic. Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.
Captain Spock: What you want is irrelevant, what you have chosen is at hand.
Captain Spock: What we require now is a feat of linguistic legerdemain and a degree of intrepidity.
Chancellor Gorkon: You don't trust me, do you? I don't blame you. If there is to be a brave new world, our generation is going to have the hardest time living in it.
Captain Spock: There is an old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China.
Captain Spock: If I were human I believe my response would be "go to hell."... If I were human.
Captain Spock: Mr. Scott, I understand you are experiencing difficulties with the warp drive?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: There's nothing wrong with the bloody...
Captain Spock: Mr. Scott, if we return to Spacedock, then not only will we lost the chance to discover who is behind all this, then it is also likely that we will never see Captain Kirk or Doctor McCoy alive again.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Could take weeks, sir.
General Chang: I can see you, Kirk.
Captain James T. Kirk: Chang.
General Chang: Can you see me? Oh, now be honest, Captain, warrior to warrior. You do prefer it this way, don't you, as it was meant to be? No peace in our time. "Once more unto the breach, dear friends."
Chancellor Gorkon: [last words to Kirk before death] Don't let it end this way, captain.
General Chang: "I am constant as the northern star...?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: I'd give real money if he'd shut up.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: [after seeing the Enterprise's torpedo hit the Bird of Prey] Target that explosion and fire!
Commander Pavel Chekov: Course heading, Captain?
Captain James T. Kirk: Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.
[after Kirk and Martia kiss passionately]
McCoy: What IS it with you, anyway?
Kirk: Still think we're finished?
McCoy: Now, more than ever!
Captain James T. Kirk: Names, Lieutenant!
Lieutenant Valeris: I do not remember.
Captain Spock: A lie?
Lieutenant Valeris: A choice.
[Kirk's final Captain's Log]
Captain James T. Kirk: Captain's Log, stardate 9529.1. This is the final cruise of the Starship Enterprise under my command. This ship and her history will shortly become the care of another crew. To them and their posterity will we commit our future. They will continue the voyages we have begun, and journey to all the undiscovered countries, boldly going where no man... where no *one* has gone before.
[Sulu's ship witnesses a huge explosion on the Klingon moon, Praxis]
Brigadier Kerla: This is Brigadier Kerla speaking for the High Command. There has been an incident on Praxis. However, everything is under control, we have no need for assistance. Obey treaty stipulations and remain outside the Neutral Zone. This transmission ends now.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: An "incident"?
Commander Janice Rand: Do we report this, sir?
Captain Hikaru Sulu: [Turning to Rand] Are you kidding?
[Considering a military strike against the Klingons]
Ambassador Nanclus: Mr. President, they are vulnerable... there will never be a better time.
Federation President: Suppose you instigate a full scale war?
Colonel West: In that case, Mr. President, we can clean their chronometers.
Captain Spock: Two months ago, a Federation starship monitored an explosion on the Klingon moon, Praxis. We believe it was the result of overmining and insufficient safety precautions. The moon's decimation means a deadly pollution of their ozone: They will have depleted their supply of oxygen in 50 Earth years. Due to the enormous size of their military budget the Klingons do not have the means to deal with this catastrophe. Last month, at the behest of the Vulcan ambassador, I opened a dialogue with Gorkon, Klingon chancellor of the High Council. He proposes to begin negotiations at once.
Admiral Cartwright: Negotiations for what?
Captain Spock: The dismantling of our starbases and outposts along the Neutral Zone, an end to nearly 70 years of unremitting hostility which the Klingons can no longer afford.
[In a conversation with Spock]
Captain James T. Kirk: You're a great one for logic. I'm a great one for rushing in where angels fear to tread. We are both extremists. Reality has brought us somewhere in-between.
[Kirk is fighting with Martia disguised as Kirk]
Captain James T. Kirk: I can't believe I kissed you.
Martia (appearing as Kirk): Must have been your lifelong ambition.
Kirk: Spock, you want to know something?, Everybody's Human.
Captain Spock: I find that remark... insulting.
Captain Spock: The lieutenant was the first Vulcan to be graduated at the top of her class.
Captain James T. Kirk: You must be very proud.
Lieutenant Valeris: I don't believe so.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: She's a Vulcan all right.
Commander Pavel Andreievich Chekov: Guess who's coming to dinner.
[Quote adaptation from the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962]
General Chang: Indeed. The record shows that Captain Kirk once held the rank of Admiral. And that Admiral Kirk was broken for taking matters into his own hands in defiance of regulations of the law. Do you deny being demoted for these charges? DON'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION. Answer me now.
[after Kirk wins a fight against an alien twice his size]
Martia: They'll respect you now.
Kirk: That's a comfort. I was lucky that thing had knees.
Martia: That was not his knee.
[Kirk looks at Martia in surprise]
Martia: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain.
Kirk: Anything you want to tell me?
General Chang: Cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War.
Captain Kirk: Note to Galley; Romulan Ale no longer to be served at diplomatic functions.
Captain Kirk: Chekov, you know anything about a radiation surge?
Commander Pavel Chekov: Only the size of my head.
Captain Kirk: I know what you mean.
[after Kirk and Chang exchange words and stares]
Chancellor Gorkon: Well... I see we have a long way to go.
Klingon ambassador: The Chancellor of the High Council is dead - the result of an unprovoked attack while he traveled to see you under a flag of truce on a mission of peace. Captain Kirk was legally arrested for the crime. May I remind you that he and Dr. McCoy boarded Kronos One on their own free will? No of these facts are in dispute, Mr. President.
Federation President: I have ordered a full-scale investigation. In the meantime...
Klingon ambassador: In the meantime, we expect the Federation to abide by the articles of Intersellar Law, which you claim to cherish. Kirk and Dr. McCoy will stand trial for the assassination of Chancellor Gorkon.
Federation President: Out of the question.
Federation President: Ambassador Sarek, there must be some way to extradite these men.
Ambassador Sarek: Mr. President, I share a measure of personally responsibility in this matter, but I am obliged to confirm my esteemed colleague's legal interpretation.
Federation President: What is the position of the Romulan government, Ambassador Nanclus?
Ambassador Nanclus: I must concur with my colleagues.
Federation President: But you can't possibly believe that James Kirk assassinated the Chancellor of the High Council.
Ambassador Nanclus: Mr. President, I don't know what to believe.
Klingon ambassador: I'm waiting for your answer, sir.
Federation President: This president is not above the law.
[His ship is about to be destroyed by The Enterprise]
General Chang: To be... or not to be?
[as soon as Azetbur finishes her transmission to the Federation President, Kerla unrolls war plans on her desk]
Brigadier Kerla: Attack them now, while we still have the chance!
Klingon general #1: Attack them, or be slaves on their worlds!
Klingon general #2: We can take whole by force what they propose to divide.
Azetbur: War is obsolete, general... as we are in danger of becoming.
[Watching a replay of the torpedo hit]
Commander Pavel Chekov: It is Enterprise. We fired.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: That is not possible! All weapons visually accounted for, sir.
Captain Spock: An ancestor of mine maintained that when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. If we did not fire those torpedoes, another ship did.
Lieutenant Valeris: A bird of prey?
Captain Spock: A bird of prey.
Commander Pavel Chekov: Cloaked?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: A bird of prey cannot open fire when it's cloaked!
Captain Spock: All things being equal, Mr. Scott, I would agree with you. All things, however, are not equal. This one can.
Lieutenant Valeris: We must inform Starfleet Command...
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Inform them of what? A new weapon that's invisible? Raving lunatics, that's what they'll call us! They'll say we're so desperate to exonerate the captain that we'll say anything.
Captain Spock: And they would be correct. We have no evidence, only a theory which happens to fit the facts.
Commander Pavel Chekov: I don't understand. If there was another ship underneath us, surely the assassins beamed aboard from that vessel, not Enterprise.
Captain Spock: You're forgetting something, Mr. Chekhov. According to our ship's databanks, this ship fired those torpedoes. If we did, the killers are here. If we did not, whoever altered the databanks is here. In either case, what we are looking for, is here.
[the crew enter the bridge]
Kirk: Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it.
McCoy: And the good news is they're not going to prosecute.
Uhuru: They might as well have prosecuted me. I felt like Lt. Valeris.
McCoy: [looks at Spock] Well, they don't prosecute people for having feelings.
Chekov: Just as well, or we'll all have to turn ourselves in.
Federation President: Let us redefine progress to mean that just because we can do a thing, it does not necessarily mean we must do that thing.
General Chang: "Tickle us, do we not laugh? Prick us, do we not bleed? Wrong us, shall we not revenge?"
Chief in Command Smillie: Sir, those men have literally saved this planet.
Federation President: Yes Bill, I know. And now they're going to save it again... by standing trial.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: Nice to see you in action for one last time, Captain Kirk. Take care.
Kirk: I'm going to sleep this off. Please let me know if there's some other way we can screw up tonight.
Captain Spock: Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a photon torpedo?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: Fascinating!
Cmdr. Nyota Uhura: You are Crewman Dax?
Crewman Dax: Yes Commander. What is the problem?
Commander Pavel Chekov: Perhaps you have heard Russian epic of Cinderella? If shoe fits, wear it!
[drops magnetic boots at Dax's feet]
Captain Spock: Mr. Chekov...
[camera pans down to show that Dax's feet are incapable of fitting into boots]
Captain Hikaru Sulu: In range?
Helmsman Lojur: Not yet sir.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: Come on, come on.
Helmsman Lojur: She'll fly apart!
Captain Hikaru Sulu: *Fly her apart then!*
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: I'm gonna find myself a black pot of coffee
General Chang: Ahh... parting is such sweet sorrow. Don't we hear the chimes at midnight?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: That Klingon bitch killed her father.
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [referring to Gorkon's daughter, whom he believes killed Gorkon] Mark my word, she did not shed one bloody tear.
Captain Spock: Hardly conclusive, Mr. Scott, since Klingons have no tear ducts.
Captain James T. Kirk: Mr. Scott?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: [over intercom] Aye, sir?
Captain James T. Kirk: Did you find the engine room?
Captain Montgomery 'Scotty' Scott: Right where I left it, sir!
General Chang: [prosecuting] Doctor McCoy. What is your current medical status?
McCoy: Well, aside from a touch of arthritis, I'd say pretty good.
[some scattered laughter from the audience; McCoy smiles, but sees Chang, unsmiling]
General Chang: You have a singular wit, Doctor.
Uhuru: You understand, we have lost all contact with the Captain and Dr. McCoy.
Captain Spock: Yes, at the moment, they are surrounded by a magnetic shield. However, if I know the Captain, by this time, he is deep into planning his escape.
[Cut to Captain Kirk on the losing end of a fist fight with an alien at least twice his size]
Chancellor Gorkon: You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: Why, that cunning little Vulcan!
Captain James T. Kirk: People think the future means the end of history, well, we haven't run out of history just yet.
Chancellor Gorkon: You haven't heard Shakespeare until you've heard it in the original Klingon.
General Chang: "taH pagh, taH be?"
Kirk: What are we all doing here?
McCoy: Maybe they're throwing us a retirement party.
Scotty: That suits me. I just bought a boat.
Cmdr. Nyota Uhura: This had better be good. I'm supposed to be chairing a seminar at the Academy.
Chekov: Captain, isn't this just for top brass?
McCoy: If we're all here, where's Sulu?
Kirk: *Captain* Sulu, on assignment. Where's Spock?
Captain James T. Kirk: [Spock has beamed Kirk and Bones aboard just before they find out who framed them] No! No! Of all the - son of a - Couldn't you have waited two seconds? They were just about to tell us the whole thing!
Commander Pavel Andreievich Chekov: You want to go back?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: Absolutely not!
Captain James T. Kirk: [whispering] It's cold.
Captain James T. Kirk: Where's that damn torpedo?
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: It's ready, Jim. Lock and load!
Captain James T. Kirk: [clenches fist] Fire!
[Kirk and company have prevented the assassination attempt at Khitomer]
Azetbur: you've restored my father's faith.
Captain James T. Kirk: and you have restored my son's.
Chancellor Gorkon: And this is General Chang, my chief of staff.
General Chang: I have... so wanted to meet you, Captain.
Captain James T. Kirk: I'm not sure how to take that.
Kirk: [Fighting Martia who has changed to look like him] Isn't it about time you became something else?
Martia (appearing as Kirk): I like it here.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: Stardate 9521.6. Captain's Log, USS Excelsior. Hikaru Sulu commanding. After three years, I have concluded my first assignment as master of this vessel, cataloguing gaseous planetary anomalies in Beta Quadrant. We're heading home under full impulse power. I'm pleased to report that ship and crew have functioned well.
[Spock and McCoy are heading for the Torpedo bay]
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: Bet you wished you'd stood in bed!
Captain Hikaru Sulu: [an energy wave has buffeted Excelsior] Don't tell me that was any meteor shower!
Lieutenant Dimitri Valtane: [checking the scanners] I can confirm the location of Praxis, but...
Captain Hikaru Sulu: But?
Lieutenant Dimitri Valtane: [turning to face Sulu] I can no longer confirm the existence of Praxis!
Captain Hikaru Sulu: [pointing to the image on the viewscreen] Prasis?
Lieutenant Dimitri Valtane: What's left of it, sir!
Captain James T. Kirk: [Valeris has just engaged thrusters to take Enterprise out of Spacedock] Thank you Lieutenant, ahead one quarter impulse power
Lieutenant Valeris: [spins in chair to face Kirk] Sir! May I remind you that regulations specify thrusters only whilst in spacedock.
Commander Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, M.D.: [the bridge crew cough loudly, Chekov shakes his head, Uhura tuts softly. McCoy leans in to tease Spock] Jim?
Captain James T. Kirk: You heard the order, Lieutenant...
Lieutenant Valeris: Aye, Sir!
Captain Hikaru Sulu: [Seeing the convictions of Kirk and McCoy on the Klingon broadcast] Send to Commander Enterprise: "We stand ready to assist you" - Captain Sulu USS Excelsior.
Martia: You're Kirk and McCoy, I presume.
Captain James T. Kirk: How did you know that?
Martia: We don't get many presidential assassins.
Captain James T. Kirk: We didn't kill Gorkon!
Martia: Of course not. But there is a reward for your death.
McCoy: That figures.
Captain Spock: Is it possible that we two, you and I, have grown so old and so inflexible that we have outlived our usefulness?
Klingon Commander: This is the gulag Rura Penthe. There is no stockade. No guard tower. No electronic frontier. Only a magnetic shield prevents beaming. Punishment means exile from prison, to the surface. On the surface, nothing can survive. Work well, and you will be treated well. Work badly, and you will die.
Captain Hikaru Sulu: Shields up! All right, now we've given them something else to shoot at.
General Chang: In space, all warriors are cold warriors.