Johnny Murata: Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man.
Chris Kenner: [nods] Thanks. I don't know what to say.
Johnny Murata: How about "Don't get killed"?
Chris Kenner: Don't get killed.
Johnny Murata: You too.
Johnny Murata: We've got a problem here. There are more bad guys than we've got bullets.
Johnny Murata: You have the right to be dead.
Johnny Murata: Ya know, it's kinda like one of those video games... you just defeated the first wave.
Chris Kenner: Do you know you have moments when you're truly an asshole?
Chris Kenner: Hey, she was frightened.
Johnny Murata: Yeah, I saw you strip down for that hot tub. I'd be frightened, too...
Johnny Murata: Cop. Policeman, Understand? It's bad to shoot me. He's a cop too. It's bad to shoot him.
Johnny Murata: This may sound strange for a cop: Let's get the fuck out of here.
Yoshida: You are dead!
Chris Kenner: Hell sucked! We are back!
[Kenner is aiming a gun at the main bad guy]
Johnny Murata: Well? Are you gonna kill him?
Det. Kenner: Not right now... Maybe later.
[Kenner says some words in Japanese]
Johnny Murata: What did that mean?
Det. Kenner: Roughly translated, out of the frying pan and boned up the ass with a red-hot poker.
Johnny Murata: There you have it.
Chris Kenner: I liked that car. And I liked that girl. And I'd like to cut off certain parts of Yoshida's anatomy.
Johnny Murata: Ya know, you've got a fixation, pal...
Johnny Murata: Listen, will you do this right? Clean? Like a cop in the 20th century, not some samurai warrior? We're gonna nail this guy. And when we get done... we're gonna go eat fish off those naked chicks!
Det. Kenner: [Jonny beats up some guys to let Kenner through] How long did you study?
Johnny Murata: Since I was four.
Det. Kenner: Should've started earlier. That would've helped your form.
Johnny Murata: I was four! There's nothing wrong with my form.
Minako: This is a nice place.
Chris Kenner: I built it.
Johnny Murata: [sees Japanese businessmen eating sushi off of a naked woman] You know that thing I said about the fish? I can change my mind...
Johnny Murata: You know all of that upper body strength really slows you down.
Chris Kenner: I'm not slow.
Johnny Murata: You didn't hit me.
Chris Kenner: If I did, you wouldn't be here.
Johnny Murata: Not arguing. But you didn't...
Johnny Murata: I wanted to work in Malibu.
Chris Kenner: That'll never happen.
Johnny Murata: Thanks, that's supportive. I've joined you on this quest for personal vengeance and you've got to take a shot at my dreams?
Chris Kenner: Malibu's Sheriff's Department, not LAPD.
Johnny Murata: Really? Damn.
[last lines]
Johnny Murata: What are we going to call this in the police report?
Chris Kenner: How about "community relations"?
Johnny Murata: We blew up the crime scene, killed the suspects...
Chris Kenner: ...and joined the local parade.
Johnny Murata: I like it!
Chris Kenner: [they've been partners less than a day] Look, I'm gonna call your chief, tell him it's not working out, and send you back to wherever it is you came from.
Johnny Murata: Don't do that. They really don't want me back. I have a problem keeping partners too.
Chris Kenner: I can see why. I hate you already.
Yoshida: Now you only have one hand with which to wipe your ass with,do you want to keep the other one?.
Chris Kenner: Bad news: the asshole found us first.
Johnny Murata: So shall we get down and kick some ass?
Chris Kenner: No. I'm gonna enjoy being dead for a while.
Det. Kenner: This is for my parents.
Johnny Murata: [to Kenner] Listen you Zen warrior, fucking samurai asshole! I wanna know what's up!
Johnny Murata: [about to enter the Bansai Club] I'm warning you, I don't eat raw fish. But that's just me.
Johnny Murata: We do this right. Like a cop in the 20th century and not some warrior, we're gonna get this guy. And when we're done we're gonna go eat fish off those naked chicks!
Johnny Murata: There's nothing wrong with my form!
Johnny Murata: That's perfect... I'm partnered with a homicidal maniac on a personal vendetta of family vengeance.
Yoshida: [Opens up a beer bottle which pours out pills of some kind] Now, America can enjoy our beer *and* our drugs while watching football.
Yoshida: How American! The backseat, the movies, the beautiful girl... You know what's missing? Popcorn.
