Memorable quotes for
Rubin and Ed (1991) More at IMDbPro »

Rubin: I am the king of the echo people!

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Rubin: My cat can eat a whole watermelon.

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Ed: I'll be quiet. Quiet as a well-digger's ass.

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Rubin: Why don't you keep your hands off other people's refrigerators!

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Ed: Man, it is el warmo out here.

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Rubin's Mother: Why don't you go out and make yourself a friend?
Rubin: No!
RM: Yes!
Rubin: No!
RM: Well then take out the trash.

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Ed: Oh it's going to get weird now, isn't it?

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Ed: You know what the biggest difference between you and a rich man is? He has money and you don't! And if you were smart, you would ask yourself why!

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Ed: You know what the biggest difference between me and a rich man is? He has my bitchy wife and I don't! And if he were smart, he would ask himself why!

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Ed: All those years in bed, I never had ONE! SINGLE! ORGASM!
Rula: ARRGGGLE!

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Ed Tuttle: [seeing a reflection on a mountain in the distance] Yep, there's an asswipe up there.

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[upon finding themselves stuck in the desert, and needing transportation]
Rubin Farr: Can't you just call The Organization? Have them come pick us up?
Ed Tuttle: Just... give 'em a buzz, tell 'em I'm stuck in the middle of the desert with an asswipe and a frozen cat.

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Ed: Ever wonder why people wear clothes?
Rubin: Nope.
Ed: But...well, look at it this way. Man's best friend is his apparel. Now, you start to dress for success, and you will score with the babes, and make the big bucks. You gotta admit that's true!
Rubin: I don't have to admit that.
Ed: You have to admit that!
Rubin: No, I don't!
Ed: Yes, you do!
Rubin: I don't have to admit anything!
Ed: You have to admit there's hair on your head!
Rubin: No, I don't!
Ed: Yes, you do! You have to admit that!
Rubin: No, I don't!
Ed: But you have to admit your cat's dead! He's deader than a doornail! That cat is colder than a well digger's ass! Pretty hard to deny that isn't it, Mr. Smartypants? Yep. Deceased. El morto. No more Mr. Kittycat.

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