Quigley Down Under (1990)
Crazy Cora: You know, if we're lost, you can tell me.
Matthew Quigley: We're lost.
Crazy Cora: I can take bad news. Just tell me straight.
Matthew Quigley: I don't know where the hell we are.
Crazy Cora: No sense takin' time to make it sound better than it is.
Matthew Quigley: I reckon we're goin' in circles.
Crazy Cora: Wire things up and I'll see right through. So, just tell me honestly. Are we lost?
Matthew Quigley: Nope. I know exactly where we are.
Crazy Cora: That's good, 'cause, frankly, I was gettin' a little worried.
Elliott Marston: [O'Flynn and Dobkin prepare Quigley for an old-fashioned shootout] I seem to remember you're not too familiar with Colonel Colt's revolver, so this will be your first lesson. Don't worry. Mr. Dobkin and Mr. O'Flynn will ensure that it's a fair contest.
Elliott Marston: [Marston starts walking backwards] I'll just back up a few paces... And to your left a bit, that's it... Now you're right in front of my old pistol target.
Elliott Marston: [Marston slips his coat back to reveal his holster] Some men are born in the wrong century. I think I was born on the wrong continent. Oh, by the way, you're fired.
Matthew Quigley: This ain't Dodge City and you ain't Bill Hickok.
Matthew Quigley: [Quigley shoots Dobkin, O'Flynn and Marston before they can even aim their guns, then walks up to the dying Marston] I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it.
Major Ashley-Pitt: In our experience, Americans are uncouth misfits who should be run out of their own barbaric country.
Matthew Quigley: Well, Lieutenant...
Major Ashley-Pitt: Major.
Matthew Quigley: Major. We already run the misfits outta our country. We sent 'em back to England.
[Quigley approaches Hobb, whom he's just shot]
Hobb: My back's broke...
Matthew Quigley: You're gut-shot, Hobb. Ain't nothin' I can do for you.
Hobb: Kill me...
Matthew Quigley: Where's Marston's station from here? How far's the nearest town?
Hobb: Why should I tell you?
Matthew Quigley: 'Cause if you don't, I'll let you live. Y'know, I'm new here, so I'm kinda curious. D'you think the dingoes'll get you first, or the ants?
Hobb: Don't leave me like this, Quigley! Marston's station's two days' ride southwest. Nikitanga's only twenty miles past the billabong...
Matthew Quigley: Talk straight, goddammit, or I'll get the ants myself.
Hobb: It's a town. A day's ride past a dry riverbed. That way. Now, finish me.
[Quigley hands Hobb a six-shooter. Hobb aims it at Quigley]
Matthew Quigley: You got one shot left in that shooter. Make the most of it.
Crazy Cora: I don't want you to go.
Matthew Quigley: You sure look pretty in that new blue dress.
Crazy Cora: If you go after Marston, he'll kill you.
Matthew Quigley: [addressing the baby Cora is holding] Kid, next time she talks like that, pee all over the dress.
[Quigley has been beaten and left for dead in the Australian desert]
Crazy Cora: Don't worry, on a new job it's quite common for things not to go well at first.
Matthew Quigley: Lady, you're about a half a bubble off plumb, and that's fer sure and fer certain.
[lost in the Outback]
Matthew Quigley: I don't know where we're goin', but there's no sense bein' late.
Elliott Marston: Ah-ha. The legendary Sharps.
Matthew Quigley: You know your weapons. It's a lever-action breach-loader. Usual barrel length's thirty inches. This one has an extra four. It's converted to use a special forty-five caliber, hundred-and-ten-grain metal cartridge, with a five-hundred-forty-grain paper patch bullet. It's fitted with double-set triggers, and a Vernier sight, marked up to twelve-hundred yards. This one shoots a mite further.
Elliott Marston: An experimental weapon with experimental ammunition.
Matthew Quigley: You could call it that.
Elliott Marston: Let's experiment.
Crazy Cora: Things seem different here. They say God made Australia last, don't you know, after he got tired of making everything else the same.
Matthew Quigley: Well, I seen some pretty country, that's for certain.
Crazy Cora: I remember once my Granddaddy told me how, when you're lost in the desert, you should sleep during the day and walk at night.
Matthew Quigley: Your Granddaddy tell you that? Did he also tell you we'll die, in the the desert, without those horses?
Crazy Cora: Well, what good are horses, if we die of thirst?
Matthew Quigley: Once in a while she actually makes a little sense.
Crazy Cora: What did you say, Roy?
Matthew Quigley: Never mind.
Matthew Quigley: What's my name today?
Crazy Cora: Matthew Quigley, same as any other day.
Matthew Quigley: How's about you and me taking off all our clothes and go swimmin'?
[they are in the middle of a desert]
Crazy Cora: What are you crazy? There ain't no water
[Quigley looks at her and smiles]
Crazy Cora: Why *shame* on you!
Matthew Quigley: Well you? Well, what about last night? You...
Crazy Cora: I what?
Matthew Quigley: Oh, never mind.
Matthew Quigley: God created all men. Sam Colt made them equal.
Elliott Marston: [Marston is knocked out of his house, through a window. His hands come running]
Elliott Marston: No man knocks me out of my own house!
[stomps back inside]
Elliott Marston: [pause]
[Marston is again knocked out of his house, through a different window]
Matthew Quigley: [to Cora] You sure are pretty in the mornin' sun.
Matthew Quigley: I'm not sharing my bed 'til I'm sure who's in it.