Memorable quotes for
Oscar (1991) More at IMDbPro »

Eduardo: Ah, so now you wanna make-a peace with you papa? You wanna me die happy.
Snaps: Of course, Papa.
Eduardo: So now you *wanna* me die!
[slaps him]

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Snaps: Poole was right! You are an ox *and* a moron!

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Lisa Provolone: ...I want to go to the top of the Empire State Building!
Anthony Rossano: And what am I doing during all this? Babysitting Oscar's kid?
Lisa Provolone: You always this nasty?
Anthony Rossano: YES! Get used to it!
Lisa Provolone: [gasps] I'm marrying a brute! I never want to see your face again... until the wedding!
Anthony Rossano: That's fine with me! And separate honeymoons!
Lisa Provolone: Fine!
Anthony Rossano: See you in church!
Lisa Provolone: Hmph!

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Dr. Thornton Poole: [about Snaps' daughter, Lisa] She seems to have such nicely rounded diphthongs!
Snaps: That's what got her into this jam!

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Aldo: Breakfast is soived.
Snaps: "Served", you paluka!

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Snaps: [pointing to Anthony] Pop this guy!
Aldo: Boss! We can't have a stiff in the house with company coming!
Snaps: You're right. It ain't proper.

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Snaps: [removing Connie's many weapons] It's like disarming Germany.

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Snaps: Connie! Am-scray!
Connie: Do I have to, Boss? Every time I leave I fall behind.

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Connie: Even in the old days he was known as an honest crook.
Dr. Thornton Poole: That's an oxymoron.
Connie: Gee, you shouldn't oughta said that, Doc.
Snaps: Yeah, leave Connie alone. He does the best he can.

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Anthony: All that travel must cut into your home life.
Dr. Thornton Poole: Well, I don't spend as much time with mother as I'd like. But she's got the cats.

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Snaps: Let's get started, I got until noon to look like a banker.
Finucci: Oh, we make-a you look like a banker... take off-a you pants.

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Snaps: You're a butler now! Butle!

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Snaps: If it's Poole you want, it's Poole you'll get. But, Lisa, you've *got* to cross the finish line on this one! This is your third fiance today and it ain't even lunch yet!

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Connie: I warned him, boss.
Aldo: Anthony said it was a matter of life an death, boss.
Snaps: And will you two mugs stop callin? me "boss"? It ain't respectable!
Aldo & Connie: Sorry, boss.

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Connie: I got it! You daughter's not your daughter, and the cash that used to be the jewels is now your underwear!

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Sophia: Now you fired the maid?
Snaps: No! She quit to marry Bruce Underwood!
Sophia: When did that happen?
Snaps: I don't know... somewhere between my vest and my pants.

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[Poole is Mr. Provolone's grammar instructor]
Snaps: Mornin', Doc!
Dr. Thornton Poole: Mr. Provolon-e. Where are those G's?
Snaps: [slaps money bag] In here.

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Anthony Rossano: When I took over, your books were a mess.
Snaps: They don't sound like they're in no great shape now!
[to himself]
Snaps: Damn, a double-negative.

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Lisa Provolone: I'm not a little girl anymore! Look!
[opens robe to reveal nightie]
Snaps: Put that away, I'M YOUR FATHER!

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Lisa Provolone: ...I wanna lay on the beach in Honolulu!
Snaps: Do whatever you want, just don't leave this room!

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Snaps: [begins choking Anthony] And just how do *you* know *my* daughter?
Anthony: [choking] We met at Club-33.
Snaps: [shouts] In a speakeasy?
Anthony: [choking] It's a very respectable speakeasy.
Snaps: You couldn't even pick one that bought *my* beer!

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Snaps: Of course I knew. I just had no idea!

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Aldo: Lemme me show you tha door;
[shouts]
Aldo: There's tha door!

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Snaps: [to Theresa] You owe me this, sister.
Connie: But I thought she was your daughter.
Snaps: Shut up.

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Snaps: [Theresa is looking for Anthony and is asking Snaps where she might be able to find him] I may have an idea where he is.
Theresa: Where.
Snaps: Closer than I thought. Now I want you to stay here and don't come out. You owe me this sister.
Connie: I thought she was your daughter.
Snaps: Shut up!

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Aldo: Never witness nuthin'. You live longer.

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Snaps: Whadda day! Both my girls are getting married!
Sophia: [looks at Snaps suspiciously] What do you mean, both?
Snaps: [embraces her, indicates Theresa] Sophia, my wife, meet Theresa, my daughter.
Sophia: If she's your daughter, who's her mother?
Roxanne: I am.
Sophia: [shouts] You had a child with the new maid?

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Snaps: [after stumbling over the classic elocution exercise, "Round the rough and rugged rocks the ragged rascal rudely ran."] Aw, it's no use, Doc. I'll never learn to talk good.
Dr. Thornton Poole: Do not despair, Mr. Provolon-e. We shall try a different tack.
[takes out a book and reads]
Dr. Thornton Poole: "Rocco the rum-runner rubbed out Rico the Rat with his Rosco for robbing his rum-running receipts."
Snaps: [repeats the sentence perfectly and enthusiastically]
Dr. Thornton Poole: You've got it!
Snaps: Well, yeah! You finally came up with something that made sense!

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Father Clemente: Oh, by the way? Congratulations on your daughter marrying Bruce Underwood.
Sophia: Oh, I'm afraid there's been a change, Father. She's now marrying a nice Italian boy. Anthony Rosano.
Father Clemente: It's all for the better. Nothing like a big Italian wedding! Anthony Rosano!
Snaps: Well, forget Anthony, she's not marrying him any more.
Sophia: What?
Father Clemente: Well, that's a shame. But she's young. Someday she'll find the right one.
Snaps: She's found the right one.
Sophia: Who?
Snaps: Doctor Poole!
Sophia: Doctor Poole?
Dr. Thornton Poole: [leans over railing] Hello!

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Nora: Mr. Provolone! I'm leaving you to go to the Underwood's.
Snaps: Underwood's? You're going to work for Bruce?
Nora: I'm marrying Bruce.
Snaps: You're marrying Bruce, I found him first! I mean for my daughter.
Nora: We met the day he called on Lisa. Oh, it was love at first sight.
Snaps: Congratulations... You're fired!
Nora: You can't fire me... I quit!
Snaps: Try gettin' a reference outta me sister! Great! The maid gets a millionaire, and my daughter gets a chauffer.

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Dr. Thornton Poole: Aldo is a treasure trove of linguistic anomolies.

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Lt. Toomey, Chicago PD: A leopard don't change its stipes.
Officer Keough: You mean spots.
Lt. Toomey, Chicago PD: [shouting] I mean Snaps!

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Snaps: I'm used to dealing with mobsters and bootleggers and gunsles but you bankers, scary.

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Snaps: You're going to marry this bum. Just as soon as I get my hands on him... And after the wedding you'll move into a nice ground floor apartment.
Lisa Provolone: Why a ground floor apartment?
Snaps: Because after I break his legs, he's not gonna make it up any steps!

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Lisa Provolone: You kept me a prisoner up here - like Rapunzel.
Snaps: Well, you certainly ain't Snow White!
Sophia: Look at the example you've set! Filling the house with thugs, goons and hit men!
Snaps: All right... sometimes I had to bring my work home with me...

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Snaps: ...Take Louie 'The Lug' McGurk. Died tragically at 25.
Anthony: I'm twenty five. What happened?
Aldo: Somebody stepped on his fingers.
Anthony: And that killed him?
Aldo: He was hanging from a window ledge of the Edison Hotel at the time.

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Snaps: It's this music you kids listen to today! Bing Crosby, Cab Calloway... Don't think I haven't heard the lyrics to 'Minnie the Moocher.'

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Kirkwood: I hate to say, I told you so, but that's what we get... for going into business with a crook!
Snaps: I'm a crook?
[standing up, buttoning his coat]
Snaps: You come into my house with your filne print and addendums... and try to con me out of my dough? Geez, I'm used to dealing with mobsters, bootleggers and gonzos... but you bankers are scary.
Kirkwood: [rising out of the chair] I have never been so insulted in all my life.
Snaps: Wait. You're young yet.

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Snaps: Now this guy's willing to marry you - so be nice.
Lisa Provolone: [whining] But I want Oscar.
Snaps: I want him more than you do. But he's on the lam and Anthony's taking the rap for him.
Lisa Provolone: Thank you very much. Whatever happened to love? Whatever happened to romance?
Snaps: Whatever happened to waiting till the wedding night?

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Aldo: Oh, Dr. Poole! Come on in. The boss been expecting you.
Dr. Thornton Poole: [chuckling] Aldo, do you realize what you just did?
Aldo: What?
Dr. Thornton Poole: You used the past participle without a modifier.
Aldo: I did? What's the rap on that?

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Nora: I won't miss working in this house. From now on, I'll have servants of me own.
Snaps: You'll find out what a picnic that is!
[Nora grabs the wrong valise and exits]
Dr. Thornton Poole: Shocking insolence! I would have terminated her immediately.
Snaps: I can't do that anymore. Best I could do is fire her.

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Aldo: [dead pan] This day has been an emotional rollercoaster.

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Oscar: I'm Oscar!

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Snaps: This better be good.
Connie: I warned him, boss.
Aldo: And he told me it was life and death, boss.
Snaps: [stops halfway down the stairs] You monks stop calling me 'Boss'? It ain't respectable!
Aldo & Connie: Sorry, boss.

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