Only the Lonely (1991)
Danny: [Danny has just scored a date with Theresa and runs into some funeral attendees] Yeah! Oh... sorry... but I just got lucky in there with a girl.
[funeral attendees look shocked]
Danny: Not in that way... she does everybody in there... not in that way. But she probably did that guy there... I gotta go.
Danny: I'll pick you up at seven. Where do you live?
Danny: With the stiffs?
Theresa: Um, my father and I have an apartment upstairs.
Danny: Oh! Yeah, sure! That's uh... convenient!
Danny: [to save time, Danny and Sal decide to transport a corpse out a sixth floor window via a fire hose but the hose turns out to be too short] I guess we have to bring him back up.
Salvatore Buonarte: I'm not bringing him back up here, he's too damn heavy!
Danny: Well, what do you suggest we do?
Salvatore Buonarte: Cut the hose.
Danny: [shocked] Cut the hose?
Salvatore Buonarte: Yeah, let him fall.
Danny: To the ground?
Salvatore Buonarte: Yeah!
Danny: A fall like that could kill a guy!
Salvatore Buonarte: He's dead for Chrissake! He's not gonna mind!
Nick Acropolis: Rose! Rose, I am trying again. Will you please accept these flowers?
Rose: I don't want them. And I don't date Greeks.
Nick Acropolis: You know, you and I could make each other so happy. Greek men are great lovers.
Rose: And Greek men never bathe.
Nick Acropolis: I bathe twice a day! Three times! When I do my sit-ups. Feel that stomach. Hard like an eighteen-year-old's. Come on, feel it!
Rose: I'm not feeling anything of yours.
Danny: Sometimes it's good to be a cop.
Father Strapovic: You feel threatened by Theresa.
Father Strapovic: Yes. See, she's taking up a lot of Danny's time, so you're feeling threatened that she's trying to steal your son.
Father Strapovic: Rose, I know you realize it's the nineties, I'm just not sure you realize it's the *nineteen* nineties.
Danny: I suppose you're proud of yourself.
Rose: Just telling it like it is.
Danny: That's been your excuse for the last 67 years.
Rose: My excuse?
Danny: Your excuse for hurting people whenever the hell you feel like it!
Rose: I don't hurt people.
Danny: Oh no? I guess you didn't hurt Aunt Dolly on her wedding day when you said she looked like a, uh, a cheap Las Vegas hooker.
Rose: Well, did you see the wedding dress? The back of it was cut right down to here. You could see the crack of her - Well, it was indecent.
Danny: And I guess you didn't hurt cousin Jerry when you called his German wife a Nazi who probably slept with Hitler.
Rose: Well, there's no proof that she didn't.
Danny: [prepares for the big one] I guess you never hurt dad, either.
Rose: [shuts the fridge door, stern] I *never* hurt your father, ever.
Danny: Florsheim Shoes?
Rose: [surprised] How do you know about that?
Danny: You came home late. You were arguing and I woke up. I was scared. I didn't know what was going on, so I listened in at the door.
Rose: A little spy.
Danny: Come on, I was only 12.
Danny: Florsheim Shoes was his big account. He worked on that for over two-and-a-half years.
Danny: You blew it for him in one night.
Rose: Danny, don't.
Danny: And all he had to do was sign a deal at dinner. One fancy schmancy dinner with the VP from Florsheim.
Rose: [attempts to leave the kitchen] I'm going to bed.
Danny: [blocks her way out] No, you're not. Everything was fine that evening. Dinner was perfect. Dad had him at the palm of his hand. Until you decided it was time to tell it like it is.
Rose: I was right. I still stand by what I said.
Danny: You called dad's bosses filthy Jew shylocks!
Rose: They never gave him a raise. Not in 12 years. Not one Christmas bonus.
Danny: Ma, the vice president of Florsheim and his wife were Jewish!
Rose: Well, how was I supposed to know? They didn't look Jewish. I wasn't talking about them. They took it personal.
Danny: You lost the account for him! $450,000 to the company! He's lucky he didn't lose his job!
Rose: Your father *never* stood up to his bosses. It was time somebody set the record straight.
Danny: That night was the only time I ever heard my father cry. And still to this day, you still tell it like it is.
Rose: I don't mean to hurt people. Really.
[Danny scoffs at her and heads to the front door]
Rose: Where are you going?
Danny: To Halstead. A friend of mine owns a jewelry shop. He owes me a favor. I'm gonna make him open up his store. Then I'm gonna buy the biggest engagement ring I can afford. Then I'm gonna ask Theresa Luna to be my wife. Just telling it like it is, ma.
Rose: Oh, that's a lovely dress you wearing.
Danny: Isn't it?
Theresa: Oh, thank you!
Rose: Even though it is a little big on top.
Rose: Well, it is, you said so yourself.
Theresa: No, no that's a problem I have, I'm not really that endowed on top.
Danny: No, no, no, no, no.
Rose: You're built like a thirteen year old boy.
Rose: I had a Pollock friend once. She was incredibly stupid...
Danny: Don't do this, Ma.
Rose: ...Julie Kapowski. She was the stupidest woman that I ever knew. She believed that black cows...
Rose: ...black cows squirted chocolate milk!