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Nothing But Trouble (1991) Poster

Quotes

Fausto: You've got a BMW. Act like it!

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Chris Thorne: They're Brazillionaires, they have breakfast at 2pm in the afternoon.

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Miss Purdah: [Chris is chained and Eldona is trying on outfits before him] Eldona, you know he's not supposed to see you this special day?

Chris Thorne: Special day? What is it - Halloween?

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Bobo: [the three are playing cards] If I win, I get... another bowl of cereal!

L'il Debbull: If I win, I get... Diane!

Diane Lightson: [cutesy] No, Lil' Debbull

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Chris Thorne: Thanks for the espresso maker... and the bag of shit.

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Diane Lightson: Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.

J.P.: Oh, I will let you be on your way, and when you go...

[bellows]

J.P.: THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!

Chris Thorne: Ok, we'll listen!

J.P.: [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!

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J.P.: Welcome to Supper! How 'bout a nice Hawaiian Punch?

Chris Thorne: Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch.

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Fausto: You people are sick, wicked, funky, misanthropic, co-dependent animals! And I won't have my sister, who was once the Queen of the Mardi Gras, sitting at a table with a pickle-shooting train!

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Chris Thorne: Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few thousand Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?

J.P.: There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?

Chris Thorne: I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.

J.P.: Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled in here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know what those stock certificates are worth today?

[shouts]

J.P.: JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!

Fausto: So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?

Diane Lightson: Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.

J.P.: I believe it is.

Renalda: You should do a book.

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J.P.: If it was an ambulance you got a chance, if it's in a hearse, it's gotta be worse!

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Fausto: Where are we going?

Chris Thorne: We're going to Atlantic City, Fausto. Get in the trunk.

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J.P.: You might be interested to know that you are *not* under the jurisdiction of just any old fishing license dispenser and stamp pad jockey! We've always been set to deal with the offenders *once* and for all at their first appearance! Quick as sump grease through a ten-year old goose!

[whistles]

Chris Thorne: Congratulations, I'm glad to know thing are running smoothly for you.

[lights a cigar]

J.P.: [bellows] PUT OUT THAT DOG ROCKET!

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J.P.: I'm of the school that believes that the last thirty seconds of a person's life ought to have a little zip in them!

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Diane Lightson: [after insulting the Reeve and falling in a chamber of squeaky toys, she punches him] How could you be so insensitive?

Chris Thorne: What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Renalda: Fausto, you better do something about this!

Fausto: Niña, you're pulling on my coat, now cool it!

Diane Lightson: I had us out of here! Then you had to go and open your big mouth!

[pulls toy out of her shirt]

Diane Lightson: *You* had us out of here? We would've been here another two hours listening to the history of the Valkenburger farm or wherever the hell we are!

Diane Lightson: I knew that I couldn't depend on you!

Chris Thorne: Listen, I don't need this! I was just trying to get us to Atlantic City... for YOU!

Diane Lightson: [sarcastic] Oh, is that right?

Chris Thorne: Yeah!

Fausto: You're no longer our financial advisor! You're fired!

Diane LightsonChris Thorne: [to Fausto] SHUT UP!

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Bobo: Hi! I'm Bobo, that's Lil' Debbull!

L'il Debbull: Hi, we're not allowed inside the house!

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Dennis: [the drug dealers are stopped for speeding] I'm afraid you'll have to blow.

Dealer #1: Blow *you* to get out of a ticket? Come on!

[chuckles]

Dennis: That's not funny, I meant you'll have to use a Breathalyzer.

Dealer #1's Girlfriend: I'll blow 'im!

Dennis: Maybe later. Next century. Let's go.

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Dealer #2's Girlfriend: [laughing as they see Judge Valkenheiser] Oh my God! Would you look at his face? Is that nose rubber?

Dealer #1: Hey, I don't want you, I want Judge Wapner.

Dealer #2: I have to plead to the Fifth Dimension.

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J.P.: [at the dinner table, a meat grinder makes a whining noise like a dog] How do you like your dog?

Diane Lightson: They're serving dog?

J.P.: Oh, no, no, no ,*hot* dogs, *hot* dogs. Dutch country, prized Hereford winners.

Diane Lightson: [relieved] Oh! Hot dogs!

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J.P.: [asking about Chris' job] Banker?

Chris Thorne: No, not banker. Financial publisher. "Thorne Weekly"?

J.P.: Ok, banker.

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Diane Lightson: How long have you been divorced?

Chris Thorne: Four years.

Diane Lightson: Do you still love her.

Chris Thorne: Nah, been over her for... weeks.

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Chris Thorne: Fun is actually knowing who half your guests are.

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J.P.: Y'know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms.

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Diane Lightson: [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.

Chris Thorne: Oh, shit.

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J.P.: You really put the pin in the party hog now, girl!

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J.P.: Get yer Eye-talian loafers outta my bedpan!

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Mike the Doorman: Evening, Mr. Thorne.

Chris Thorne: [getting out of the car] 110 blocks in less than 15 minutes, not bad for a one-eyed Russian immigrant.

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Chris Thorne: I should have known. A Brazillionaire never forgets.

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J.P.: Go suck a bug.

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Chris Thorne: You may kiss the bride.

Chris Thorne: Oh, not in front of all these people, your honor.

J.P.: [yelling] NOW!

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J.P.: No choice now but house policy.

J.P.: Fine, house policy! *What's* house policy?

Chris Thorne: Well, whatever man she touches is the one she keeps!

Chris Thorne: Aw, no!

[Eldona carries him off happily]

Chris Thorne: Oh, come on, all I did run a goddamn stoplight! I just want to get to Atlantic City!

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Digital Underground member: [referring to Miss Purdah] Man, she is one ugly, cross-burnin', redneck, peckerwood, police bitch, man.

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[passing two dirty bikers]

Chris Thorne: Evil Knievel and Mr. Clean.

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Renalda: I didn't forget the butter. It was Antonio, Antonio, the butler, forgot the butter.

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[passing by three half-buried dolphin statues]

Chris Thorne: So that's where they buried Flipper.

FaustoRenalda: Flipper is dead?

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[passing a group of hillbillies]

Chris Thorne: Morning. Sell pork bellies, buy gold.

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[Eldona is about to throw Diane into an oil well after being chased by Bobo and L'il Debbull]

L'il Debbull: Eldona's got her, that's good.

Bobo: That's not good!

L'il Debbull: No, that's not good!

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Chris Thorne: What are you saying, it's death or Eldona?

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Bobo: You're the one who's fat!

L'il Debbull: Not as fat as you!

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Chris Thorne: [after being stopped by Dennis, a police officer] Folks, meet Andy Griffith!

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Fausto: It smells like São Paulo!

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Renalda: Ày, Fausto, you are going to make me swim through toxics! Ày, Fausto, Fausto, I cannot believe it!

Fausto: Baby, we've got to swim to the freeway!

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Dennis: [abou tthe criminals] Would you watch things around here for a minute? I'm gonna go for a smoke.

Miss Purdah: Go for a smoke? But, Dennis, they've got guns, drugs! One of 'em tried to kill ya! I'm stayin' to watch!

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Diane Lightson: [to Chris] I didn't mean what I said when I told you to save yourself. Get your ass back down here and SAVE ME!

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Dennis: [about Chris and company] I recommend fine, bond, and release.

J.P.: Ah, tut tut tut tut! What else you wanna do for them, bake 'em a pie?

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Diane Lightson: [about the judge] Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?

Dennis: Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.

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Fausto: Wait, I'm entitled to one phone call.

Dennis: Surely, and you're more than welcome to make one, *if* we had a phone.

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J.P.: Where's that no-good, dog food eatin' grandson of mine... DENNIS!

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J.P.: [Chris tries to hit him in the thigh] I left that leg in France... and now, I'M GONNA STICK YOU! I'm gonna dig so many new holes in you, you're gonna look like a salt shaker!

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[first lines]

Fausto: [as they leave a car and go into a building to a party] 20 minutes, hello, good-bye.

Renalda: Ok.

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Renalda: [in the elevator] Chris, come, I save it for you.

Fausto: That's what she says to all the guys.

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Fausto: Chris, put this tape on, Las Chankas.

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J.P.: [asking Chris if he takes Eldona to be his wife]

Chris Thorne: [stuttering] I di...

J.P.: Pardon?

Chris Thorne: [stuttering] bu...

J.P.: What?

Chris Thorne: [stuttering] I can'...

J.P.: Speak up!

Chris Thorne: [sweating] I do. I do.

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Chris Thorne: Come on, death for running a stop sign?

J.P.: *And* for being a banker! That's the double death.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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