Necessary Roughness (1991)
[a racquetball that Suzanne hits ricochets and hits Paul in the head]
Suzanne Carter: Oh my God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Paul Blake: No, actually. I just got hit in the head by a racquetball.
Coach Gennero: Well, is it fatal?
Doctor: Indigestion? Only in Mexico.
Coach Rig: Not much of a crowd.
Coach Gennero: Well, at least we have the home field advantage.
Coach Rig: The Alamo was the home field.
[Featherstone is unable to catch any pass thrown to him]
Coach Gennero: Keep your eyes on the ball, son.
Coach Rig: I'd rather he kept his hands on the ball.
[Popki hits a man during a bar brawl]
Featherstone: Hey Popki, you finally threw something that connected!
Football Player: Welcome to football!
Lucy Draper: Welcome to foot... BALL!
[She kicks him in the crotch; he lets out a soprano wail]
[During an indoor practice, Popki's pass bounces off the rim of the basketball hoop]
Coach Rig: How about that, he stinks at two sports.
Coach Gennero: I can work with him, just butt out of my offense.
Coach Rig: If you can build an offense around a guy who throws like Edward Scissorhands, we're gonna be playing a hell of a lot of defense.
[During practice in the gym, Popki throws a wild pass that bounces off the rim of the basketball hoop]
Coach Rig: How about that, he stinks at two sports.
Coach Gennero: I can work with him, just butt out of my offense.
Coach Rig: If you can build an offense around a guy who throws like Edward Scissorhands, we're going to be playing a hell of alot of defense.
Coach Gennaro: Dean Elias, for someone who hates football you sure spend alot of time watching the sport.
Dean Elias: Eternal vigilance is the price of integrity, Coach Gennaro.
Coach Rig: [quietly] What an asshole.
[as Paul, who is 34 years old, approaches]
Coach Gennero: Wally, did you hire an Assistant Coach without telling me?
Coach Rig: No, I found a Quarterback without telling you.
Coach Gennero: Well, I hope he gets younger as he gets closer.
Coach Rig: Ok Banks. Ready, Hut! Come on, Banks, you're supposed to be hitting a sled, not humping a butterfly! I want you mean, I want you nasty! I want you to eat raw meat! Get your ass outta here! Alright, Next!
Coach Rig: [as Andre readys himself to hit the blocking sled] Ready, Hut!
[Andre knocks Coach Rig off the sled]
Andre Krimm: Andre does not eat raw meat. 'Cause Andre is a vegetarian.
Coach Rig: Eat whatever the hell you want Andre!
Coach Gennero: Get up, Wally, people are watching. Not many... but they're watching.
Coach Rig: If this wasn't friggin astro-turf, I'd dig a grave for myself.
Chuck Niederman: The Blake man pitches to Sarge, The Sargester bumps into his own man. It's a fumble! FUMBLAYA! Sargie "Fumblina" Wilkerson fumbles the ball!
[Halftime of final game]
Coach Rig: Now, let's analyze what's been working for us.
Coach Rig: NOT A GOD DAMN THING'S been working for us. Like this goddamn suit doesn't work for me... and this stinking tie... and this goddamned shirt. IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY WINNING HARD-NOSED FOOTBALL? YOU PLAY FOOTBALL LIKE ED GENERRO PLAYED FOOTBALL. A guy who gave his life for this football team. He was a 140-pound halfback, and HE PLAYED LIKE A GODDAMN WILDMAN! NO! LIKE A GODDAMN RAMPAGING BEAST! And that's the way you got to do it! YOU GO OUT THERE! YOU TEAR THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF, AND YOU SHIT DOWN THEIR NECKS! Let us pray.
Coach Rigg: Papke, what kind of defense are they using?
papke: A double double.
Coach Rigg: A double... double, well it doesn't matter anyways.
Billy Bob's Announcer: Welcome to Billy Bob's. The only bar with its own indoor bull ridin' arena.
Flat-top: If I wanted a big brother I wouldn't have killed mine.
Paul Blake: You alright?
Andre Krimm: Oh, I'm doing fine; except for the fact somebody hit me with a chair.
Andre Krimm: The next time I invite you out with the guys keep your white butt at home.
Paul Blake: But I thought you said you wanted to Paaar-teee?
Andre Krimm: Man! It's been a long time since I been able to kick some butt. See ya in class.
Suzanne Carter: You got in all five W's; what, where, when, why and especially the who.
Student: As in who gives a shit!
Convict Football Player: Gentlemen, this is your home field so please, take the ball.
Convict Football Player: I don't feel so good. I think I swallowed a finger.
Suzanne Carter: What are you doing here?
Paul Blake: Well, I'm kinda bleeding in your doorway. Can I come in?
Suzanne Carter: Sure. Didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?
Coach Rig: Oh I'm sorry Jack, you're a genius; that's why you've got a bigger whistle than me.
Paul Blake: Manu, snap me the ball.
Coach Rig: SNAP THE BALL DAMN IT!
Paul Blake: Manu, Manu hike me the ball.
[Manumana snaps the ball poorly]
Lucy Draper: Relax big guy; you've already got the job.
Coach Gennero: Wally call me crazy but I've got a funny feeling about tonight's game. Maybe we've got a shot.
[thunder sounds and clouds cover the sun]
Chuck Neiderman: Edison down at the Jayhawk 27. Although he did hydroplane to the 19.
Chuck Neiderman: Lucy Draper is the 1st woman football player in Armadillo history.
Coach Gennero: Listen, no speeches. I'm proud of you. Now let's get out of the typhoon.
Suzanne Carter: We're consenting adults.
Dean Elias: So were Bonnie and Clyde
Lucy Draper: I'm an Armadillo just like the others.
Manumana: You're an Armadillo, but not like the others.
Lucy Draper: You're alright Manu.
Jarvis Edison: [turns off radio] I hate that station. My dad owns it. I don't want to see another building with his name on it.
Paul Blake: You can't just walk away.
Jarvis Edison: You did.
Paul Blake: How did I end up with Jiminy Cricket?
Paul Blake: The library's got your name on it. It's about time you saw the inside of it.
Suzanne Carter: Up yours Phil.
Dean Elias: She called me Phil.
Coach Rig: I don't wanna put any undue pressure on you guys, but Coach Gennero's last words were, win or I'll die.
Chuck Neiderman: He's in the endzone.
Chuck Neiderman: I'm wating for a flag.
Chuck Neiderman: There's no flag.
Chuck Neiderman: There should be.
Paul Blake: Ah hell, mabye we should think about blocking him tonight.
Chuck Neiderman: I hope you stay tuned as the Texas State marching band does its salute to gun racks and open beverage containers; which is only legal in Texas.
Coach Rig: Linemen, you gotta give Blake at least four-god-damn-seconds to throw the ball.
Dean Elias: Oh! Hello Boys.
[Elias is tackled by the teams]
Carver Purcell: By the way, you're fired.
Chuck Neiderman: Krimm breaks into the backfield. Fumble, FUMBALAYA, FUMBLERUSKI!
Paul Blake: You're hurt. You're tired. You're bleeding. I'm gonna make you a promise. We get into that endzone, you're not gonna feel any pain.
Chris Berman: From Champs to chumps. Just six months ago, The Texas State Fighting Armadillos were billed as the greatest college football team in history, and now, they are history. Yesterday, the commision slapped Texas State with a staggering list of infractions including recruiting violations, steroid abuse, illegal payments to players and , of course, grade tampering. To where these guys are going, their yearbook photos will be used as mugshots. Joining us tonight is our guest commentator, the legendary Ed "Straight Arrow" Gennero, the man who once threw five All-Americans off his football team for taking money from boosters, but still won the Cotton Bowl. Thanks for joining us tonight, coach.
Coach Gennero: Good to be here, Chris.
Chris Berman: Coach, what's the latest on the Armadillos?
Coach Gennero: Well, Chris, the penalty handed down to Texas State will set an example for the future of College Football.
Chris Berman: What happened to the players?
Coach Gennero: All the players from the old team have been expelled and all the coaches have been fired.
Chris Berman: Where will they get their new players?
Coach Gennero: Their new players must be real students. No more scholarships, no more monkey business, no more special favors or else no more football.
McKenzie: [after Lucy is brought in as the team's kicker] Will ya look at that, they're putting a bloody Sheila on the team!
Sargie: We'll be the laughing stock of college football.
Charlie Banks: What do you think we are now?
Jarvis Edison: How many timeouts do we have left?
Paul Blake: Three.
Jarvis Edison: Can we take 'em all now?
Chuck Neiderman: [over the campus loud speaker] Hey Armadillo Fans! This is Chuck Neiderman. The voice of the Fighting Armadillo! This season your football team needs more than your support. So if any of you listener can punt, pass, block or kick, then report to the gymnasium at 3 o'clock sharp for open football tryouts.
Sargie: [yelling at two students who quit at the tryout] YOU CALL YOURSELF ARMADILLOS! THEN MOVE IT, YOU SORRY-ASS BUNCHES OF QUIVERING CIVILIAN SLIME!
[students leave as he addresses Coach Gennero]
Sargie: Sir, we haven't had this many deserters in the Republican Guard.
Coach Gennero: Son, are you all that you can be?
Sargie: [yelling] SIR, YES SIR!
Coach Gennero: A little too much.
Sargie: [softly] Sir, Yes Sir.
Coach Gennero: Move It!
Sargie: Sir, Yes Sir!
Paul Blake: He's a coach, I'm a football player. The man can't talk to me like I'm human.
Suzanne Carter: Have you tried?
Paul Blake: I tried with you.
Suzanne Carter: Look, you have to understand how hard it is to get resp...
Paul Blake: Respect as a female teacher, yeah. You ought to try getting respect as a football player sometime.
[after a running play fails]
Coach Gennero: What happened, who missed their assignment?
Coach Rig: Everybody missed their god-damn assignment!
Coach Gennero: [after McKenzie refused to wear pads, and was knocked unconscious by a tackle] Look at that. He held onto the ball. Well, let's wake him up and get him some pads.
Coach Rig: I don't know, Ed. Pads might hurt his game.
Paul Blake: What's with all the attention?
Manumana: Where I come from, Mr. Blake, we're taught to respect our elders.
Paul Blake: Oh yeah? Well, I'm not that *eld*, alright?
Chuck Neiderman: [after Manumana's tackle] BIIIIGGG sack by Manumana the Slender! Who does his "I'm gonna go out and get some POI" sack celebration dance!
Featherstone: [observing Lucy's kicking prowess] Man, that is some foot!
Jarvis Edison: Yeah, and it keeps getting better on the way up!
Manumana: [upset] HEY!
Paul Blake: I'll buy you a beer. It's on me.
Flat-top: [dumping glass of beer on Blake] Now it's on you.
Coach Rig: I forgot. You're a genius. That's why you have a bigger whistle than I do.
Coach Gennero: I can't believe it. Now he has whistle-envy.
Coach Rig: [visiting Gennero in hospital room] Ed, it's me. Wally Riggendorf.
Coach Gennero: I know it's you. I'm not in a coma.
Coach Rig: [hands bouquet] I brought these for you.
Coach Gennero: Thank you. They're lovely.
Coach Rig: I hope you don't mind - I had to charge them to your room. I'm a little short this week.
Coach Gennero: I understand, Wally. Will you sit down? I want to talk to you.
Coach Rig: I'm here, Ed. I'm here.
Coach Gennero: You don't have to talk like I'm dying! They're just running some tests. They haven't found anything yet.
Coach Rig: That's wonderful news.
Coach Gennero: [hands Wally binder] I want you to have this, Wally.
Coach Rig: [emotionally] Your playbook. I don't know what to say. I'll cherish it - always.
Coach Gennero: I'm not bequeathing it to you! I'm just loaning it to you. You're coaching the team tonight.
Coach Gennero: [hands Wally his whistle] You can do it, Wally. Just be yourself.
Coach Rig: The big whistle...
Chuck Neiderman: A 94-yard kickoff return for a touchdown could give the Colts a false sense of confidence going into the second minute of play.
Flat-top: I've been waiting for you!
Andre Krimm: You should be waiting for the guy that cut your hair!
Dean Elias: Can I call ya Wally?
Coach Rig: You can call me Walter.
Dean Elias: [Dean Elias arrives at the bar and see's nothing is going on] Sheriff, Im Dean Elias I heard about the brawl on my beeper. So where's the brawl?
Sheriff Woods: Brawl? They ain't no brawl.
Dean Elias: Number one There isn't any brawl. Number two what do you mean THEY AIN'T NO BRAWL!