Muppet*vision 3-D (1991)
Kermit the Frog: We will also see a rousing finale from Sam the Eagle. What's it called, Sam?
Sam the Eagle: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America".
Waldorf: Hey, hey, what's going on?
Sweetums: Bean Bunny ran away!
Statler: Well, you know what that makes him...
Kermit the Frog: Sam, are you ready with that finale?
Sam the Eagle: It's a glorious three-hour finale!
Kermit the Frog: You got a minute and a half.
Waldo C. Graphic: [after being inflated and duplicated] Great! Now I can start my own football team!
Statler: Well, what do you think?
Waldorf: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?
Statler: We can't. We're bolted to the seats!
Sam the Eagle: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is my honor to present to you... Mr. Mickey Mouse!
Rizzo the Rat: [singing to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club March] Oh, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Hi there, welcome to my park, how'ya doin'...
Sam the Eagle: Wait a minute! You are not Mickey Mouse! You are a rat!
Rizzo the Rat: Rat, schmat! Besides, they're tourists. What do they know?
Scooter: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if you could just step as far forward and close together as you can.
Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, real close. You see, we're doing research on deodorant strength.
Scooter: Rizzo, you're disgusting.
Rizzo the Rat: Hey, it's a gift.
Statler: Hey, Waldorf, what is this anyway?
Waldorf: Oh, it's one of those 3-D movies. Better put on your glasses.
[Statler does so]
Statler: [looking at the audience] Hey, check out the guy in the Goofy mask.
Waldorf: That's no mask.
Statler: Ooops. Sorry, lady!
[a banana cream pie comes flying out of the screen]
Kermit the Frog: What is that?
Fozzie Bear: Isn't it great? It's my new remote-controlled banana cream pie. Hey Kermit... Watch this!
[Fozzie presses a button and the remote control breaks causing the pie to spin and end up on Fozzie's face]
Kermit the Frog: Oh, Fozzie, that's terrible!
Fozzie Bear: [tasting it] Yeah, you're right... needs more sugar.
Camilla: Bawk, buck, ba-gawk.
Fozzie Bear: Hey, you're not a penguin. You're a chicken. I told you chickens to stay on the other side of the road.
[to no one in particular]
Fozzie Bear: Okay, everyone, why did this chicken cross the road?
Camilla: Ba-gawk, buck, ba-gawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
Fozzie Bear: Oh, that's funny. Hey, everyone, why did the chicken cross the road?
Statler: Oh, no, it's that bear again.
Waldorf: Hey, bear, you're not even funny in 3-D!
Fozzie Bear: Oh, no, not you guys. How'd you get here?
Statler: We entered a contest.
Waldorf: Yeah. We lost!
Kermit the Frog: And our demonstration will also include a little song from Miss Piggy...
Miss Piggy: [irritably clearing throat] Little?
Kermit the Frog: Little? Did I say little? I meant to say it's a huge, showstopping, major song from Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy: [sweetly] That's more like it.
Sam the Eagle: Will you stop this foolishness?
The Great Gonzo: What foolishness would you like to see?
Sam the Eagle: Upon entering the theater, please move as far to the end of the row as possible. Stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic.
Kermit the Frog: We invited some of the most distinct scientists to come and work here. Unfortunately, none of them showed up.
Kermit the Frog: [talking about the show] It's going to be a swell demonstration, and at no time will we be stooping to any cheap 3D tricks.
[Fozzie Bear enters]
Fozzie Bear: Did you say "cheap 3D tricks"?
Kermit the Frog: Uh...
[Fozzie blows a party streamer horn in the audience's direction]
Fozzie Bear: Ah! Oh, oh, and here's something I wanted to *spring* on you!
[he takes out a peanut can and opens the lid. Spring snakes pop out]
The Great Gonzo: Hey, Bean, what's up?
Bean Bunny: I'm going away... forever!
The Great Gonzo: Oh, great! Could you get me a sandwich?
The Great Gonzo: Would any of you people like anything? Bean says he's going out... *forever*?
Kermit the Frog: [coming in from hole in the wall on the end of a fire truck's ladder] Uh, well, uh, ladies and gentlemen I'd like to apologize for the slight technical difficulties, but I do wish to assure you that no one was hurt and this theater only suffered minor damage. So, thank you very much for coming to see this demonstration of Muppet*Vision Technology and enjoy the rest of your day and come see us again sometime!