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Kermit the Frog: We will also see a rousing finale from Sam the Eagle. What's it called, Sam?

Sam the Eagle: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America".

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Waldorf: Hey, hey, what's going on?

Sweetums: Bean Bunny ran away!

Statler: Well, you know what that makes him...

WaldorfStatler: SMARTER THAN US!

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Kermit the Frog: Sam, are you ready with that finale?

Sam the Eagle: It's a glorious three-hour finale!

Kermit the Frog: You got a minute and a half.

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Waldo C. Graphic: [after being inflated and duplicated] Great! Now I can start my own football team!

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Statler: Well, what do you think?

Waldorf: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?

Statler: We can't. We're bolted to the seats!

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Sam the Eagle: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is my honor to present to you... Mr. Mickey Mouse!

Rizzo the Rat: [singing to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club March] Oh, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Hi there, welcome to my park, how'ya doin'...

Sam the Eagle: Wait a minute! You are not Mickey Mouse! You are a rat!

Rizzo the Rat: Rat, schmat! Besides, they're tourists. What do they know?

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Scooter: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if you could just step as far forward and close together as you can.

Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, real close. You see, we're doing research on deodorant strength.

Scooter: Rizzo, you're disgusting.

Rizzo the Rat: Hey, it's a gift.

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[first lines]

Statler: Hey, Waldorf, what is this anyway?

Waldorf: Oh, it's one of those 3-D movies. Better put on your glasses.

[Statler does so]

Statler: [looking at the audience] Hey, check out the guy in the Goofy mask.

Waldorf: That's no mask.

Statler: Ooops. Sorry, lady!

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[a banana cream pie comes flying out of the screen]

Kermit the Frog: What is that?

Fozzie Bear: Isn't it great? It's my new remote-controlled banana cream pie. Hey Kermit... Watch this!

[Fozzie presses a button and the remote control breaks causing the pie to spin and end up on Fozzie's face]

Kermit the Frog: Oh, Fozzie, that's terrible!

Fozzie Bear: [tasting it] Yeah, you're right... needs more sugar.

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Camilla: Bawk, buck, ba-gawk.

Fozzie Bear: Hey, you're not a penguin. You're a chicken. I told you chickens to stay on the other side of the road.

[to no one in particular]

Fozzie Bear: Okay, everyone, why did this chicken cross the road?

Camilla: Ba-gawk, buck, ba-gawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.

Fozzie Bear: Oh, that's funny. Hey, everyone, why did the chicken cross the road?

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Statler: Oh, no, it's that bear again.

Waldorf: Hey, bear, you're not even funny in 3-D!

[they laugh]

Fozzie Bear: Oh, no, not you guys. How'd you get here?

Statler: We entered a contest.

Waldorf: Yeah. We lost!

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Kermit the Frog: And our demonstration will also include a little song from Miss Piggy...

Miss Piggy: [irritably clearing throat] Little?

Kermit the Frog: Little? Did I say little? I meant to say it's a huge, showstopping, major song from Miss Piggy?

Miss Piggy: [sweetly] That's more like it.

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Sam the Eagle: Will you stop this foolishness?

The Great Gonzo: What foolishness would you like to see?

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Sam the Eagle: Upon entering the theater, please move as far to the end of the row as possible. Stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic.

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Kermit the Frog: We invited some of the most distinct scientists to come and work here. Unfortunately, none of them showed up.

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Kermit the Frog: [talking about the show] It's going to be a swell demonstration, and at no time will we be stooping to any cheap 3D tricks.

[Fozzie Bear enters]

Fozzie Bear: Did you say "cheap 3D tricks"?

Kermit the Frog: Uh...

[Fozzie blows a party streamer horn in the audience's direction]

Fozzie Bear: Ah! Oh, oh, and here's something I wanted to *spring* on you!

[he takes out a peanut can and opens the lid. Spring snakes pop out]

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The Great Gonzo: Hey, Bean, what's up?

Bean Bunny: I'm going away... forever!

The Great Gonzo: Oh, great! Could you get me a sandwich?

[to audience]

The Great Gonzo: Would any of you people like anything? Bean says he's going out... *forever*?

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[last lines]

Kermit the Frog: [coming in from hole in the wall on the end of a fire truck's ladder] Uh, well, uh, ladies and gentlemen I'd like to apologize for the slight technical difficulties, but I do wish to assure you that no one was hurt and this theater only suffered minor damage. So, thank you very much for coming to see this demonstration of Muppet*Vision Technology and enjoy the rest of your day and come see us again sometime!

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Statler: [Bean is reunited with the other Muppets] This is a very moving moment.

Waldorf: Yeah. I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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