Hamlet: Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.
Ramirez: Sir... whatever you gentlemen felt for each other when your friend was still alive... is certainly none of my affair.
Hamlet: [breaks character, turns] What's your fucking game, shithead?
Ramirez: Shithead? What's a shithead?
Ramirez: Most people have a full measure of life... and most people just watch it slowly drip away. But if you can summon it all up... at one time... in one place... you can accomplish something... glorious.
Juan Ramirez: You've remembered almost everything I taught you.
Conner MacLeod: I've had a lot of practice lately.
Juan Ramirez: There is no substitute for experience.
Conner MacLeod: What experience? You've been dead for five hundred years.
Juan Ramirez: But on the contrary, Virginia, all of the most beautiful women had dark hair. Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Joan of Arc to name a few. In fact, it's well known that these dair haired ladies
[lean in to whisper to Virginia]
Juan Ramirez: like to sit on men's faces.
Katana: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If you don't take it out and use it, it's going to rust.
Katana: The remains of your mortal wife. So frail. So earthy. So very dead.
Conner MacLeod: At least she's at peace.
Katana: Peace is highly overrated.
Conner MacLeod: Things don't change, Katana, I like that. After all these years, you're still a jerk.
Doctor: They were both dead before the car stopped. I'm amazed they got as far as they did. Gosh, I've never seen a mess like that. They must have taken about a hundred bullets or so.
[Connor and Ramirez sit up]
Conner MacLeod: One hundred and eight.
Ramirez: One hundred and twelve, myself.
Conner MacLeod: Aw, come on. You're not counting that little scratch, are you?
Ramirez: Scratch? What are you talking about? It passed right through me. Just look at my splendid waistcoat.
[Ramirez has been resurrected on stage in the middle of a performance of Hamlet. The actor playing Hamlet tries to continue]
Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorrick. I knew him Horatio...
Ramirez: Actually, it's Ramirez
Salesman in Gentlemans Tailor: May I help you sir?
Ramirez: I would like a set of clothes.
Salesman in Gentlemans Tailor: Then why not, indeed... We're the oldest gentlemans tailor in Scotland.
Ramirez: Well then, I've come to the right place. Since I am without a doubt the oldest gentleman in Scotland.
Salesman in Gentlemans Tailor: Well... you say so, sir.
Ramirez: Well let's get started. I have a long journey ahead of me and limited time.
Salesman in Gentlemans Tailor: I am afraid sir still doesn't understand - a suit may take several weeks to complete.
Ramirez: I am afraid sir damn well does understand... and sir, I'd like the set of clothes by three o' clock.
Salesman in Gentlemans Tailor: *Finger snap!*
Ramirez: [the audience is laughing at him] My apologies.
[to the actor portraying Hamlet]
Ramirez: Enough of this useless banter, I will be on my way and leave you to converse with your skull. Farewell, dear shithead, farewell.
[U.S. Cable-TV Version]
Louise Marcus: Okay, now let me just see if I can get this straight. You come from another planet, and you're mortal there, but you're immortal here until you kill all the guys from there who have come here... and then you're mortal here... unless you go back there, or some more guys from there came here, in which case you become immortal here... again.
Conner MacLeod: Something like that.
[after almost being hit by a truck]
Ramirez: So much for the Horse and Cart
Ramirez: ...we are joined in a way that can never be broken, not even by death. When you need me, you'll only have to call my name. I'll always find you.
Drunk: Are you MacLeod?
Conner MacLeod: Yes, I am.
Drunk: Great. I always wanted to meet the guy that turned the world to shit.
Conner MacLeod: You'll have to excuse me. I've gotten some disturbing news.
Louise Marcus: Did somebody die?
Conner MacLeod: Unfortunately not.
David Blake: Oh, I think I've had enough of you. Goodbye, Attila.
[MacLeod has just decapitated two villains and has suddenly become 30 years younger]
Louise: Who are you?
Connor MacLeod: I'm Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was banished from the Planet Zeist 500 years ago... and I cannot die.
[They embrace and kiss]
Ramirez: [confused after Hamlet actor swears at him] Shithead? What's a shithead?
Ramirez: Remember, Highlander, remember your home. Another galaxy, you were chosen, remember?
Conner MacLeod: Yes, yes I remember. The beginning, 500 years ago, on the planet Zeist. We planned rebellion, we met in secret, always careful to avoid our deadly enemy, General Katana.