The Fisher King (1991)
Anne Napolitano: I don't believe that God made man in his image. 'Cause most of the shit that happens comes from man. No, I think man was made in the Devil's image. And women were created out of God. 'Cause after all, women can have babies, which is kind of like creating. And which also accounts for the fact that women are so attracted to men... 'cause let's face it... the Devil is a hell of a lot more interesting! Believe me, I've slept with some saints in my day, I know what I'm talking about. So the whole point in life is for men and women to get married... so that God and the Devil can get together and work it out. Not that we have to get married. God forbid.
Parry: It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. Now while he is spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the holy grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the grail, and the grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you friend?" The king replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the holy grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."
Jack Lucas: I wish there was some way I could just pay the fine and go home.
Jack Lucas: Where would King Arthur be without Guinevere?
Parry: Happily married, probably.
Jack Lucas: Well, that's a bad... that's a bad example.
Parry: [singing] Holding my penis... what a wonderful way of saying how much you like me.
Jack Lucas: Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process?
Jack Lucas: It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils.
Anne Napolitano: Didn't you say that what you liked about our relationship is that we didn't have to think? We could just be there for each other.
Jack Lucas: Suicidal paranoiacs'll say anything to get laid.
Homeless Cabaret Singer: I'm Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Jack - I can't find my baby.
Parry: C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?
Anne Napolitano: [Jack is drunk on Jack Daniel's] Breakfast of champions, huh, Jack?
Crazed Video Customer: [Jack has tossed an annoying customer a videotape] "Ordinary Peepholes."
Jack Lucas: S'a big titty, spread cheeky kinda thing.
Anne Napolitano: Have another one, Jack. It's on the house... just like everything else.
Parry: I'm surprised some man just doesn't come in here and snatch you up all for themselves.
Anne Napolitano: *You're* surprised?
Parry: You have a great set of... dishes.
Anne Napolitano: Jack, he's trying to start a con-vuh-sation...
Jack Lucas: Then talk to him, he won't bite you.
Lydia: I have never been through a dating period.
Anne Napolitano: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed a thing.
Lydia: How much?
Jack Lucas: Well, you're a store member, so we could probably...
Anne Napolitano: [firmly] Forty bucks.
Parry: Jack, I may be going out on a limb here, but you don't seem like a happy camper.
Anne Napolitano: You're not so invisible. You want a personality? Try this on for size: you can be a real bitch sometimes.
Lydia: [Lydia begins to smile and starts laughing] Really...?
Anne Napolitano: [smiling] Yeah!
Lydia: [laughing] Wow!
Anne Napolitano: I know, I know - it feels great!
Jack Lucas: I'm talking to the little people!
Parry: Are they here?
Jack Lucas: They're saying, "Jack, go to the liquor store and findeth the Jack of Daniels so that ye may be shitfaced, doo-lang, doo-LANG!"
Jack Lucas: I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.
Parry: I know.
Jack Lucas: A very nice psychotic man.
Parry: Thank you.
Parry: What do you think of the death penalty?
John the bum: Death is definitely a penalty! It ain't no fuckin' gift!
Jack Lucas: [to Parry] Some billionaire's got the Holy Grail in his library on Fifth Avenue.
Jack Lucas: [on the radio] I told you about these people. They're evil, Edwin. They must be stopped.
Parry: [as Jack is waking up] Hi, welcome back.
Jack Lucas: Have I died?
Jack Lucas: [drunk and talking to the Pinocchio doll] You ever read any Nietzsche? Nietzsche says there's two kinds of people in the world: people who are destined for greatness like Walt Disney... and Hitler. Then there's the rest of us, he called us "the bungled and the botched." We get teased. We sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We're the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin... get gunned down in Dairy Queens.
Disabled Veteran: Didja hear that Jimmy Nickles got picked up yesterday?
Jack Lucas: Oh, yeah?
Disabled Veteran: Yeah. He got caught pissin' on a bookstore. Man is a *pig*. No excuse for that.
[lady drops coins in his cup]
Disabled Veteran: Thank you, baby. It's social anarchy when people start pissing on bookstores.
[man throws coins on the ground near his feet, which Disabled Veteran cannot reach]
Jack Lucas: Asshole. He didn't even look at you.
Disabled Veteran: He's payin' so he don't have to look. See... guy goes to work every day, eight hours a day, seven days a week. Gets his nuts so tight in a vice that he starts questioning the very fabric of his existence. Then one day, 'bout quitting time, Boss calls him into the office and says, "Hey Bob, whyncha come on in here and kiss my ass for me, will you?" Well, he says, "Hell with it. I don't care what happens, I just want to see the expression on his face as I jab this pair of scissors into his arm."
Disabled Veteran: Then he thinks of me. He says, "Waitaminit. I got both my arms, I got both my legs. At least I'm not begging for a living. Sure enough, Bob's gonna put those scissors down and pucker right up. See, I'm what you call kind of a "moral traffic light", really. I'm like sayin', "Red! Go no further! Boooo-ee boooo-ee boooo-ee..."
Anne Napolitano: [upon Lydia's arrival for a manicure] Can I getchoo something, l'il kawfee?
Anne Napolitano: L'il tea?
Anne Napolitano: L'il tequilaaaaah?
Jack Lucas: [Swinging on a rope] Thank God nobody looks up in this town!
Jack Lucas: I can't believe I'm on a first name basis with these peope!
Anne Napolitano: I've been dating longer than I've been driving!
Parry: There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.
Jack Lucas: Hey! Edwin! Hey, c'mon now, I told you about these people, they only mate with their own kind, it's called yuppie inbreeding. That's why so many of them are retarded and wear the same clothes. They're not human, they don't feel love, they only negotiate *love moments*. They're evil, Edwin, they're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!
Edwin: [quietly] OK, Jack.