Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)
Ernest P. Worrell: How 'bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips?
Ernest P. Worrell: I never knew when to quit. Just ask my fourth grade teacher.
Ernest's Teacher: He never knew when to quit.
[while driving to the treehouse with a now wooden Rimshot]
Ernest P. Worrell: What good is a wooden dog? Oh, sure they swim better, but what am I gonna call him, Splinter?
Ernest P. Worrell: [to the troll] You'd better stay away. I know jujitsu, kung fu, karate, tai chi, and I saw "Hulkamania" three times. Once in slow-mo.
Ernest P. Worrell: Nuh uh, ain't no trees in Botswana, nuh uh, I know, I AM a Botswanian lumberjack, and I ain't never had a job...
Ernest P. Worrell: [as the Old Lady] Be grateful, little trolls in China don't even get milk.
Ernest P. Worrell: How about a little Miak!
Trantor the Troll: Miak?
Ernest P. Worrell: Yeah, Miak. I bet you thought I couldn't find any at this time of the year, well a little resourceful for ya, a little to light on my feet. Eat Miak and die!
Ernest P. Worrell: [as a doll he picked up as the garbage truck is closing on him] No no don't stick my head in those gears!
[to the doll]
Ernest P. Worrell: But it's me or you
[as the doll]
Ernest P. Worrell: But I have a family at the doll factory!
Ernest P. Worrell: I'll send them a nice card
[sticks the doll's head in the gears]
Ernest P. Worrell: [as the doll] You'll never get away with this Ernest I know where you live.
Kenny: Ernest I got it! What we need is a tree house!
Ernest P. Worrell: I thought we needed dress shields.
Trantor the Troll: You will die for the disgrace of your forefathers!
Ernest P. Worrell: I didn't have four fathers! I only had one father and I didn't know him that well!
[When seeing Trantor the Troll for the first time]
Ernest P. Worrell: Oh, I sure hope you're from Keebler!
Ernest P. Worrell: Boy, Jimmy. When you play charades you play for keeps. Knowhatimean?
Ernest P. Worrell: [about the troll] He looked like a big giant Mr. Potato Head. Except he was shaped more like a watermelon.
Ernest P. Worrell: [being attacked by the troll] Help, help! May day! May day! Christmas Day! Colombus Day!
Old Lady Hackmore: [to Kenny] Sometimes you've got to do what YOU know is right, no matter what anybody tells you.
Ernest P. Worrell: Pretty soon the kids won't have to worry about eating their Brussel sprouts because the Brussel sprouts will be eating them.
Ernest P. Worrell: [to Rimshot] We have nothing to fear but fear itself, plus the known fact that Old Lady Hackmore will turn us into a couple of drooling, red eyed zombies if she catches us here.
[knocks on the door]
Ernest P. Worrell: Well, nobody home, I guess they're out robbing graves or biting the heads off chickens or whatever's in Voodoo Vogue.
Old Lady Hackmore: [to Ernest] They will have to load you and the rest of this backward town onto a meat wagon with a pitch fork!
Ernest P. Worrell: [Rimshot's been turned to wood] Rimshot! Oh my God.
Kenny: Don't worry, Ernest, we'll figure out some way to beat this.
Ernest P. Worrell: I'll tell you how we beat this thing, I'll tell you how we beat it. My great great granddaddy put him in that tree and so can I. Somebody with a runny nose is going to die.
Kenny: Isn't Joey here yet?
Elizabeth: No, Joey never got home last night.
Kenny: What? What're you talking about?
Elizabeth: You said that Ernest came to your house last night yelling something about trolls, you think?
Kenny: Come on, there's no such thing as trolls.
Elizabeth: But Ernest saw something out of the tree, and he's never lied to us.
Old Lady Hackmore: You are the 7th son of the 7th son, you are the baby, you are the boy, it is YOUR legacy. You are the great redneck hope!
Ernest P. Worrell: [about the troll] It looked like a great big Mr. Potato Head only it was the size of a watermelon!
Old Lady Hackmore: Listen to the last two lines of the troll's poem. There is one who can stop us if he will dare, With the heart of a child and a mother's care. So we need a heart,
[turns to Kenny and Elizabeth]
Old Lady Hackmore: a child's heart!
Kenny: Oh great, I have to defend the fort with a multiple personality!
Ernest P. Worrell: [after running over the troll and not finding him] He must be a greasy spot in the road.
Ernest P. Worrell: Make sure your shoes are on the right feet and all your furniture's up against the WALLLL!
Old Lady Hackmore: [Ernest admits he let the troll out] Heaven help us, I felt it, Heaven help us, them that die will be the lucky ones.
Ernest P. Worrell: Sheriff Binder open up! It was awful, the thunder and the lightning, and it had great big teeth and things on its ears like this! It was at least this big and at least this long!
Cliff: Whoa, whoa, Ernest, what's going on?
Amanda: Ernest do you know what time it is?
Ernest P. Worrell: Maybe Old Lady Hackmore was right, maybe it WAS a troll! Luckily I was there to beat it within an inch of its face.
Cliff: Old Lady Hackmore?
Ernest P. Worrell: Yeah the kids and I built a treehouse out there and she got REAL STEAMED.
Amanda: You took Kenny and the kids out there? Trespassing on an old lady's property?
Cliff: Yeah, but what happened?
Ernest P. Worrell: Sheriff, I saw a troll! I really saw a troll!
Kenny: Dad, something really weird WAS happening in those woods tonight!
Ernest P. Worrell: Yeah, you gotta do something, Sheriff.
Cliff: Now calm down, Ernest, you probably just had a bad dream. So pinch yourself.
[Ernest pinches himself and screams]
Cliff: and go home.
Ernest P. Worrell: Oww! I'm not dreaming, this really hurts!