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Once Upon a Crime... (1992) Poster

Quotes

Neil Schwary: I know you hate Americans, but just remember if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking German right now.

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Phoebe: My birth control pills!

Julian Peters: I never thought I should say this, but there is a time and and place.

Phoebe: There're in my suitecase that I left back at the villa!

Julian Peters: So?

Phoebe: My name's on the prescription label!

Julian Peters: You've got a problem.

Phoebe: We have to go back.

Julian Peters: What? Are you insane? The police are probally swarming the place by now!

Phoebe: If the police are there, we'll leave. If not, we have to get my suitcase back.

Julian Peters: What about the killer?

Phoebe: Do you think the killer is just going to hang around the scene of the crime all night?

Julian Peters: I don't know. I don't know what his social life is like.

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Augie Morosco: I'm rolling like a hunchback doing somersaults!

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Inspector Bonnard: Monsieur, you are in a lot of trouble. Trespassing on private property. Lying to the police. Claiming that a murder has just happened. You are going to need a lawyer.

Julian Peters: I don't need a lawyer. I need an agent.

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Julian Peters: Would you excuse me, I'm being kicked off this train; I'd like to ask the conductor to slow it down.

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Man in cashier's line: Are you finished?

Neil Schwary: No, are you Swedish?

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Marilyn Schwary: Two thousand francs?

Hercules Popodopoulos: I'm sorry, is the amount not adequate?

Marilyn Schwary: What, are you planning on bringing friends? Listen mister, maybe this is what hookers look like in Greece, but I'm no hooker, I'm a housewife. We do it for free!

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Hercules Popodopoulos: Madame, I admire your insouciance.

Marilyn Schwary: Well, it's the dress; it shows everything.

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Neil Schwary: What do I have to do to get a drink in this place, fart the French national anthem?

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Augie Morosco: But first I must find the little boys' room.

Neil Schwary: And lose precious time? Waiter, bring this man a cup.

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Neil Schwary: So, if you're not a gambler anymore, how come your on this train to Monte Carlo?

Augie Morosco: My wife is there on holiday. She helped me get back into the business. Extremely wealthy.

Neil Schwary: Oh, I see. You married for money.

Augie Morosco: I did not marry for money. I married for lots of money!

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Julian Peters: Let's call a truce what do you say?

[Phoebe does not reply]

Julian Peters: Okay, how's this for an idea. After we get the reward money, I'll take you back here. Well have a nice moonlight dinner, a little champagne...

Phoebe: Look, Julian, don't waste my time. There is absolutely no chance I'd get involved with you. This is a business deal. Let's stick to business. Okay?

Julian Peters: Who said anything about getting involved? Lady, I'm on the ropes and the last thing I need is to be seen walking around with a lady wearing tights who should know better.

Phoebe: Do you ever shut up?

Julian Peters: Ooo, what a wit!

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[last lines]

Alfonso de la Pena: Ah, the dog. One of life's truely misunderstood creatures. To whom no man is truly worthly.

[at the camera]

Alfonso de la Pena: It's what I do.

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Neil Schwary: Um, 50 francs.

Casino Cashier: 50? I'll have to get the smaller markers. They use them in the children's casino.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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