Memorable quotes for
Once Upon a Crime... (1992) More at IMDbPro »

Julian Peters: Would you excuse me, I'm being kicked off this train; I'd like to ask the conductor to slow it down.
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Man in cashier's line: Are you finished?
Neil Schwary: No, are you Swedish?
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Neil Schwary: I know you hate Americans, but just remember if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking German right now.
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Marilyn Schwary: Two thousand francs?
Hercules Popodopoulos: I'm sorry, is the amount not adequate?
Marilyn Schwary: What, are you planning on bringing friends? Listen mister, maybe this is what hookers look like in Greece, but I'm no hooker, I'm a housewife. We do it for free!
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Hercules Popodopoulos: Madame, I admire your insouciance.
Marilyn Schwary: Well, it's the dress; it shows everything.
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Neil Schwary: What do I have to do to get a drink in this place, fart the French national anthem?
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Phoebe: My birth control pills!
Julian Peters: I never thought I should say this, but there is a time and and place.
Phoebe: There're in my suitecase that I left back at the villa!
Julian Peters: So?
Phoebe: My name's on the prescription label!
Julian Peters: You've got a problem.
Phoebe: We have to go back.
Julian Peters: What? Are you insane? The police are probally swarming the place by now!
Phoebe: If the police are there, we'll leave. If not, we have to get my suitcase back.
Julian Peters: What about the killer?
Phoebe: Do you think the killer is just going to hang around the scene of the crime all night?
Julian Peters: I don't know. I don't know what his social life is like.
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Augie Morosco: I'm rolling like a hunchback doing somersaults!
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Augie Morosco: But first I must find the little boys' room.
Neil Schwary: And lose precious time? Waiter, bring this man a cup.
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Neil Schwary: So, if you're not a gambler anymore, how come your on this train to Monte Carlo?
Augie Morosco: My wife is there on holiday. She helped me get back into the business. Extremely wealthy.
Neil Schwary: Oh, I see. You married for money.
Augie Morosco: I did not marry for money. I married for lots of money!
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Julian Peters: Let's call a truce what do you say?
[Phoebe does not reply]
Julian Peters: Okay, how's this for an idea. After we get the reward money, I'll take you back here. Well have a nice moonlight dinner, a little champagne...
Phoebe: Look, Julian, don't waste my time. There is absolutely no chance I'd get involved with you. This is a business deal. Let's stick to business. Okay?
Julian Peters: Who said anything about getting involved? Lady, I'm on the ropes and the last thing I need is to be seen walking around with a lady wearing tights who should know better.
Phoebe: Do you ever shut up?
Julian Peters: Ooo, what a wit!
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[last lines]
Alfonso de la Pena: Ah, the dog. One of life's truely misunderstood creatures. To whom no man is truly worthly.
[at the camera]
Alfonso de la Pena: It's what I do.
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Inspector Bonnard: Monsieur, you are in a lot of trouble. Trespassing on private property. Lying to the police. Claiming that a murder has just happened. You are going to need a lawyer.
Julian Peters: I don't need a lawyer. I need an agent.
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