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Renée Elise Goldsberry
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An modern-day assassin, wanting out, is hired for one final job - to kidnap the kids of a local businessman. Things go haywire when it turns out he's chosen to return to the Middle Ages and bring back order to a kingdom in chaos.
The old teen rebel saga is updated for the rap crowd, unfortunately rapper Vanilla Ice is the teen. Ice shows up on a neon-yellow motorcycle which gets everyone's attention, including the female honor student who has never had a rebellious bone in her body. Written by
John Sacksteder <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Johnny Van Owen's jacket is embroidered with: DANGER, DEEP, Down by law, FREEZE, HYPE, ICE, Lust, ah yeah!, ROLLIN, sex me up, yep yep, a question mark, DOPE, and the letters "JK" surrounded by a star. See more »
When Johnny first picks up Kat from her house, where she has lived all of her life, she very briefly tries to push the front gate instead of pulling it. See more »
The last text of the end credits is :"B kool stay n skool", followed by a quick shot of Ice fixing his hat while on the bike (obviously being pulled on a trailer) before giving the "peace" sign. See more »
An absolute classic, but for all the wrong reasons
I've read a few of the reviews about this film and most of them are pretty spot on. As a film it truly deserves to be rooted in the worst 100 list, terribly acting by the two *bad* cops, worse still by straight laced Michael Gross - and the less said about Vanilla's acting ability the better.
Worse than the acting is the absolutely hilarious Cameo by Naomi Campbell in the opening credits, who screams her way through a really really hideous song whilst dancing badly and constantly trying to brush her hair away from her face.
After this initial horrific all singing all dancing intro, some bint gives Vanilla her phone number just so that we're reminded how great Vanilla ice is, and then the film starts proper. At this point you're just recovering from the awfulness of the dark warehouse intro, and suddenly you're assaulted by the wildy vivid colours of... pretty much everything actually, it's a constant throughout the film that everything is just too vivid, its hard to explain, but once you've noticed it, its actually quite amusing.
This is pretty much how the film goes, just as you think you've seen the most awful scene in cinematic history, along comes another, worse one that manages to make the last one look average. A great example of this is the way that in the first couple of minutes, Vanilla 'bunny hops' his 250kg GSXR-1100 over a 5 foot high fence. An absolute classic moment in cinema which stays with you... kind of like syphillis.
But it's for all these reasons (and hundreds more) that you should watch this film. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I've never really been an advocate of the 'so bad it's good' school of thought, but I'll make an exception for this film. Not only have I seen it many times, but I bought it new from Amazon a little while ago so I can say I have an original copy. In years to come it will be completely priceless, such is the cult following of this shocking celluloid mistake.
I really would recommend that you see it, not because it's great, but just so you can appreciate how bad something can actually be, and how much of a complete freak of a movie this is.
I've never witnessed a scene in a movie which can compete with the pure hilarity of Vanilla dancing on his own, like a tw@t, outside the old people's house in his dayglo pants wearing his stupid jacket. I challenge anyone not to laugh outloud during this, and many other classic moments.
Deserves both 1 out of 10 as a film, and 10 out of 10 as a must see classic bomb.
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