Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you play?
Failed Drug Buyer: I used to play football in school.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I mean, what instrument?
Failed Drug Buyer: I don't.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What are you doing here, then?
Failed Drug Buyer: Well, I saw everyone else lining up, so, uh - I thought you were selling drugs.
Deco: If I'm gonna front the band, I like the sound of "Deco."
Billy: Deco the bus conductor. Is that "top-Deco" or "bottom-Deco"?
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin' themselves.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: That's fuckin' blasphemy. Elvis wasn't a Cajun.
[in the confessional]
Steve Clifford: And there's these three girls with the band, I've had lustful thoughts about all of them.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud.
Dean Fay: I'm black and I'm proud.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Elvis is not soul.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: [defensively] Elvis is God.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I never pictured God with a fat gut and corset singing "My Way" at Caesar's Palace.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Soul is the music people understand. Sure it's basic and it's simple. But it's something else 'cause, 'cause, 'cause it's honest, that's it. Its honest. There's no fuckin' bullshit. It sticks its neck out and says it straight from the heart. Sure there's a lot of different music you can get off on but soul is more than that. It takes you somewhere else. It grabs you by the balls and lifts you above the shite.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you call yourselves?
Derek: "And And And."
Jimmy Rabbitte: "And And fuckin' And?"
Derek: Well, Ray's thinking of putting an exclamation mark after the second "and." Says it'd look deadly on the posters.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Psshh...
Outspan Foster: You don't like it? You think it should go at the end?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I think it should go up his arse.
Outspan Foster: Well, we're not married to it.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: What did Evel Knievel want?
Jimmy Rabbitte: God sent him.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: What?
Jimmy Rabbitte: God sent him.
Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr.: On a fucking Suzuki?
Imelda: He eats like a pig.
Bernie: He's such a prick.
Natalie: Hasn't got the voice of a pig though. Joey says it belongs to God.
Billy: God should ask for it back.
Natalie: You all right, Jimmy?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Sure. They just get on my arse at times.
Natalie: Wanna share a taxi home?
Jimmy Rabbitte: For fuck's sake, Natalie. How could you ask me that after what I just said in there?
Natalie: Well if you weren't the manager, would you?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Would I what?
Natalie: ...take me home?
Jimmy Rabbitte: But I am the manager.
Jimmy Rabbitte: say it once and say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I'd like to introduce you to the hardest-workin' band in the world. On bass, Derek "Meatman" Scully. On piano, Steven "Soul Surgeon" Clifford. Dean "Mr Nipple" Fay on sax. Joey "The Lips" Fagan on trumpet. Our gorgeous chanteuses are Bernie, Imelda, and Natalie. Deco "Deep Throat" Cuffe on vocals. On lead guitar, Outspan "Fender bender" Foster. Finally, on drums, Mickah "Don't Fuck With Me" Wallace. Ladies and gentlemen, The Commitments.
Natalie Murphy: What do you think, Jimmy, they'll be eatin' chips out of our knickers?
Billy: And you... George Michael... you ever call me a fuckin' eejit again, you'll go home with the drumsticks stuck up your hole... the one you don't sing out of.
Deco: That'll be the day.
Billy: I'm tellin' ya it's coming, so keep your Vaseline handy.
[Joey and Dean are rehearsing apart from the rest of the band]
Joey: Are you doing what I told you? Are you thinking of that reed as a woman's nipple?
Joey: Are you doing what I said? Are you thinking of that reed as a woman's nipple?
Dean Fay: I am. But, I'm a little embarrassed, she's still in school.
Joey: Maybe you should set your sights a little higher? My trumpet was always Gina Lollobrigida.
Dean Fay: [thinking] How about Kim Basinger?
Joey: [holds his hand up to his chest as though cupping a breast] Is she?
Dean Fay: Oh, yeah!
Joey: Right. Pick a nipple and try again.
[Jimmy has been auditioning unimpressive musicians all day]
Smiths' Song Singer: [singing] I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now...
Jimmy Rabbitte: Yeah, I know how you feel.
Unemployment Official: Mr. Rabbitte, you've been collecting unemployment benefit for two years. Are you trying to tell me you can't get a job?
Jimmy Rabbitte: We're a third world country - what can you do?
[the band opens the "window" of the chippie van]
Rock Salmon Man: Excuse me, would you have any Rock Salmon?
Dean Fay: No, I'm sorry - we only have "Soul"!
[talking about kicking Ray out of the band]
Jimmy Rabbitte: How did Ray take the news?
Derek: Not too bad. Said he was goin' solo.
Jimmy Rabbitte: He doesn't have much of a choice, does he?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Who're you, then?
Joey: Are you the one startin the band?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Yeah.
Joey: The name's Joseph Fagin. Joey "The Lips" Fagin.
Jimmy Rabbitte: [sarcastically] And I'm Jimmy "The Bollocks" Rabbitte
Joey: I get mine from my horn playing. How'd you get yours?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Don't get snotty with me.
Joey: I get snotty with no man.
Outspan Foster: There's a band around called "Free Beer". Always draws a big crowd.
Derek: I like "A Flock of Budgies".
Jimmy Rabbitte: We have to be "the" something. All the great sixties bands were "The Somethings".
Outspan Foster: We could be... The Northsiders.
Derek: Or The Liffy Lads.
Outspan Foster: How about... The Fucking Eejits?
[learning the band will be called "The Commitments"]
Billy: The Commitments?
Jimmy Rabbitte: It's a "the".
Deco: How do you spell it?
Jimmy Rabbitte: T-H-E.
Steve Clifford: [in confessional] Used to, when I studied I would sing hymns, but now all I can sing is "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Marvin Gaye
Father Molloy: Percy Sledge.
Steve Clifford: What?
Father Molloy: It was Percy Sledge did that particular song. I have the album.
Steve Clifford: Oh...
Joey: Look, I know you're hurtin' now, but in time you'll realize what you've achieved.
Jimmy Rabbitte: I've achieved nothing!
Joey: You're missin' the point. The success of the band was irrelevant - you raised their expectations of life, you lifted their horizons. Sure we could have been famous and made albums and stuff, but that would have been predictable. This way it's poetry.
Dean Fay: [watching video of James Brown performing] Do y'not think, uh - we're a little white for that sort of thing?
Deco: [Bernie, Imelda and Natalie are rehearsing for their solo] If they're singing, then what am I supposed to do?
Billy: You can sing along, you've bigger tits than all of them.
Outspan Foster: What's that? A Mister Chippy van?
Mickah Wallace, Drums: We can't travel in that shit heap.
Joey: Buddy Holly's last words.
Joey: We can't travel in that shit heap.
Outspan Foster: Did Buddy Holly say that?
Joey: Before he flew to meet his destiny on that storm-tossed night.
Outspan Foster: Will crashin' in a chipper van make us famous, huh?
Jimmy Rabbitte: [pretending to be Terry Wogan] So, lookin' back Jimmy, what have you learned from your experience with The Commitments?
Jimmy Rabbitte: Well, that's a tricky question, Terry. But as I always say, we skipped the light fandango, turned cartweels 'cross the floor. I was feelin' kinda seasick, but the crowd called out for more.
Jimmy Rabbitte: [pretending to be Terry Wogan] That's very profound Jimmy! What does it mean?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I'm fucked if I know,Terry!