2.3/10
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6 user 4 critic

9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991)

R | | Comedy | 24 January 1991 (USA)
Joe Vogue, a ninja, butts heads with a real estate tycoon who has hired assassins to eliminate him. In addition to that he has to also protect and train a woman in the arts of ninjutsu.

Director:

(as Aaron Worth)

Writers:

(screenplay), (story) | 3 more credits »
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Joe Vogue
Andee Gray ...
Lisa Thorne
...
Arnold Gruber
Magda Harout ...
Gladys Vogue
...
Cutter (as Tiny Lister)
...
Sledge
Barbara Leary ...
Dimitri
Paul Jabara ...
Mr. Ninja (voice)
Sharon Lee Jones ...
Zelda
Monty Hoffman ...
Isaac
...
Ninja Negotiator
...
Master
...
Young Joe
Kitsan ...
Otto
...
Old Man
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Storyline

Joe Vogue, a ninja, butts heads with a real estate tycoon who has hired assassins to eliminate him. In addition to that he has to also protect and train a woman in the arts of ninjutsu.

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Who said ninja master Joe Vogue and Lisa Thorne couldn't have a healthy sex life while the rest of the world s trying to bump them off? See more »

Genres:

Comedy

Certificate:

R | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

24 January 1991 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

9 Ninjas 1/2  »

Filming Locations:


Company Credits

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Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

Color:

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Did You Know?

Connections

Spoofs 9½ Weeks (1986) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Nailing your knackers to a table is funnier than this
10 February 2014 | by See all my reviews

You like ninjas right? And sex, yeah? That's good too. Comedy? Well, we all like a laugh. Get this - this films includes all these elements yet utterly fails on every single level, to the point where, in order to get through to the end, I had to watch this film in twenty minute chunks over the course of several days.

Don't get me wrong, from the moment I opened the DVD case and poured this foul smelling, peanut ridden pile of crap into my poor, innocent DVD player, I knew I was on to a loser. It's 9 and a half weeks, done Airplane style, with ninjas, apparently written by someone with no emotional core who read in a book somewhere what a joke was, then tried to make a film about it.

It's full of sight gags (sh*te gags, more like), slapstick (crap sick, more like), terrible acting, terrible jokes a child would find simple, Benny Hill style sped up antics, and when the nudity comes around (very, very briefly) - it's silicone enhanced, which to me is like painting a ping pong ball pink and sellotaping it to my scrotum.

I actually cringed at one point when the lead actress started acting like a baby. That's no good, is it?

The plot involves a ninja/businessman called Joe Vogue fighting a businessman who wants to evict him from his apartment, with the help of some woman whom he trains to be a ninja. That's the plot. There's an actor who turns up in various, terrible roles (including a french guy and a surf dude), a woman with a moustache (Stop, my ribs can't take much more), a gay ninja (that's hilarious and co), some Jewish rabbis included because, er, rabbis are funny or something.

If I've made you interested in this film, please accept my humblest apologies. This make trash like Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans look almost sophisticated by comparison.

Here's a list of things funnier than this film: 1) Watching a small cute puppy being eaten by a crocodile. 2) Accidentally losing three fingers in an industrial accident. 3) Being caught wearing eyeglasses by Pol Pot. 4) Walking in on your wife while she's involved in a spit roast with two Premier League footballers. 5) Having Lyme's disease 6)Having ants lays eggs in your brain 7) Winning the lottery, stashing the ticket in your house, then having a massive stroke which results in locked in syndrome which means you can't tell anyone where the ticket is, therefore failing to provide for your family in their time of need. 8) Getting locked in a wardrobe full of glass and rolled down a hill. 9) Schindler's List 10) Having your entire body shoved through a one inch gap between two panes of glass 11) Staying at a hotel targeted by an IRA bomb during the early eighties 12) Getting really drunk and blacking out then coming to, finding yourself on the receiving end of a really big gay guy with a beard 13) Being trapped under ice on one of the great lakes. 14) Finding out you're related to Hitler 15) Having elephantitus of the scrotum 16) Being invited to Jeffrey Dahmer's house for a 'party' 17) Pulling a large piece of fluff from a fat guy's belly button and then eating it. 18) That film 'Threads' 19) Anything - anything is funnier than this film.

SPOILER - This film is sh*t


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