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9 1/2 Ninjas! (1991)
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Overview
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The first erotic martial arts action comedy. more
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I seriously could not sit through this entire movie. I had to stop half way for an hour.
more (4 total)
Cast
(Cast overview, first billed only)| Michael Phenicie | ... | Joe Vogue | |
| Andee Gray | ... | Lisa Thorne | |
| Robert Fieldsteel | ... | Arnold Gruber | |
| Magda Harout | ... | Gladys Vogue | |
| Tommy 'Tiny' Lister | ... | Cutter (as Tiny Lister) | |
| Don Stark | ... | Sledge | |
| Barbara Leary | ... | Dimitri | |
| Paul Jabara | ... | Mr. Ninja (voice) | |
| Sharon Lee Jones | ... | Zelda | |
| Monty Hoffman | ... | Isaac | |
| Rance Howard | ... | Ninja Negotiator | |
| Gerald Okamura | ... | Master | |
| Keaton Simons | ... | Young Joe | |
| Kitsan | ... | Otto | |
| Ralph Manza | ... | Old Man |
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I wouldn't call myself a movie buff. I mean, I watch a lot of movies, I play six degrees of separation using actors/directors, and I've been accused on more than one occasion of cheating during games of scene-it, the DVD trivia game, though I never have, I just happen to know more about movies than members of my family. But I will say this: I have seen a film that I would call a desecration of cinema. I have seen a film that I believe no one could justify. Some people would say that there is warrant for existence in all things, they would say that any expression of creativity contains some type of merit. I can prove them wrong. With what you ask? Well, if you actually have to ask that, I'm sorry for you, because you are on the 9 1/2 ninjas board on IMDb, so odds are I'm talking about that tragedy that some would call a movie.
Spoofs are often dangerous waters to try and tread. The spoof requires the craftsmanship of a real satirist, or at least someone with some kind of sense of humor. Typically, a spoof correlates somewhat with the plot of the film it is trying to spoof. Supposedly (but I don't believe it) this film is a spoof of 9 1/2 weeks. When I learned this, it begged a certain question: "What?" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this film is supposed to be a spoof? Don't ask me how, though, I'm just the messenger. This is my biggest problem with the film: its a facade! There is no "spoof," only minor and hardly noticeable references to the film it's trying to spoof. And secondly, there is no real kung-fu. I am an avid Kung-fu film fan. And when I see the word ninja, I expect to see at least some form of semi-skilled combat. Though this film is a comedy, the often sophomoric attempts at fighting are just plain frustrating.
In short, I strongly recommend you don't see this movie. That's pretty much all there is to it.