Salute Your Shorts (1991–1993)
Donkeylips: Someday I will go out with her.
Bobby: Stop dreaming and glue your macaroni.
Donkeylips: I can't.
Bobby: Why not?
Donkeylips: I ate it all.
Bobby: How? It was uncooked, rock hard, and covered with yellow spray paint.
Donkeylips: I thought that was cheese.
Bobby: Hello and welcome to bunk 13. 200 miles from the nearest flush toilet.
[ZZ, Pinsky, and Donkey Lips are fishing]
Pinsky: Think about it. When you die they stick you in the ground and it's the worms that eat you up!
Z.Z.: Then somebody digs up the worms that ate you and use to catch fish which somebody else eats.
Donkeylips: So wait a second guys, when we had fish sticks the other night, I could have eaten a fish, that ate a worm, that ate Elvis?
Z.Z.: You could be burping up the king as we speak!
[Pinsky holds up a worm]
Pinsky: "Hey, look at me! I ate Moe from the Three Stooges!"
[ZZ also holds up a worm]
Z.Z.: "I ate Henry David Thoreau, who lived at Walden Pond."
Donkeylips: Come on, guys, just cut it out! That's weird!
[Pinsky continues to tease Donkey Lips, this time as Curly from the Three Stooges]
Pinsky: "Hey, look at me, I ate Curly! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!"
Z.Z.: Betsy Ross!
Donkeylips: That does it! I'm off of seafood. I'm sticking with hot dogs!
Z.Z.: You know what they put in hot dogs?
Donkeylips: I don't want to hear it!
Ug: I did it! I did it!
Dina Alexander: What?
Ug: I finally out-negotiated Dr. Kahn.
Telly: What happened?
Ug: He was going to give me one night off every month, but I talked him into giving me one night off every four weeks.
Dina Alexander: Way to play hardball, Ug.
Budnick: [everyone is singing the opening theme song] It makes me wanna fart.
Ug: [shouts] It's "I hope that we never part". Now get it right or pay the price.
Telly: [while Budnick is in charge, he's forcing everyone to fill up the pool with a bucket brigade] Budnick, why don't you just go swim in the lake?
Bobby: Because fish fart in it!
Z.Z.: (trapped in a cave) Echo. Save the whales.
Telly: Will you shut up!
Z.Z.: What? You don't want to save the whales?
Donkeylips: Hey, Sponge.
Sponge Harris: Yeah?
Donkeylips: Maybe if I did lose weight I wouldn't get picked on as much. I'm a little husky, you know?
Sponge Harris: Yeah I know. But getting picked on isn't so bad. Someday I'll get rich inventing this cool space laser and I'll have this giant company and people like Budnick will be emptying my waste baskets.
Donkeylips: Yeah! With gum on the bottom.
Sponge Harris: And big dripping wads of Kleenex!
Donkeylips: Yeah, and he has to pluck it out with his teeth! That'd be cool!
Sponge Harris: Revenge!
Donkeylips: I can hawk a loogie eight feet in the air and catch it with my tongue.
Michael Stein: Wow. Your mother must be really proud.
Michael Stein: What's that smell?
Sponge Harris: Oh! That was a dead raccoon. They just dragged him out this morning.
Michael Stein: Is this where it died?
Sponge Harris: No. That's just where it suffered.
Michael Stein: Sponge! This is Ug's private stereo, are you sure everything is hooked up all right?
Sponge Harris: My IQ is in the top 99th percentile.
Michael Stein: Look, sponge if anything happens to Ug's equipment, I'm dead.
Sponge Harris: Just... just turn it on.
Michael Stein: You said everything was going to be all right! What happened?
Sponge Harris: I was wrong. It's little things like this that keep me out of the 100th percentile.