Why Me? (1990)
Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do.
Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do.
Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other.
Gus Cardinale: ...Me too.
Gus Cardinale: Bruno, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
Bruno: Don't worry, there's plenty of more where that came from...
Francis Mahoney: What's the matter? Did you get your face caught in a zipper?
[Gus Cardinale is hanging in a wire outside a skyscraper when two CIA agents appear at the roof]
Zachary: Hey, don't try anything stupid down there.
Gus Cardinale: What could be fucking stupider than this?
Ralph: [motioning to the mess in his apartment] My maid died.
Bruno: [smelling the air] Must've died in here.
Leon: [smelling the musty air of Ralph's apartment] Geeze, Ralph, somebody die in here?
Ralph: I don't think that's any of your business.
Gus Cardinale: [about the ring] I wonder what we could get for it.
June Daley: Oh, 20 years, killed, hunted like deer.
June Daley: [about the ring] It's in my safety deposit box.
Gus Cardinale: Good, then we'll go get it.
June Daley: The bank's closed.
Gus Cardinale: We'll get it tomorrow.
June Daley: Tomorrow's Saturday, the bank's closed tomorrow.
Gus Cardinale: Banks are OPEN on Saturdays!
June Daley: Not this one. We can get it Monday.
Gus Cardinale: Monday I'll be in jail!
Bob the Turk: Who do you think has it?
Gus Cardinale: Um, Elvis?
Turk #2: We checked, he has an alibi.
Freedly: [about Gus' real name] Rene? Augustine? Those are girls' names, aren't they?
Gus Cardinale: Not in Switzerland.
Gatou Vardebedian: Long live the new Armenian Liberation Party!
[makes crooked little finger sign]