The Snake Eaters are an elite division of the Marines especially trained for search and destroy missions. This actioner chronicles the exploits of one of them who has become a cop. Known as... See full summary »
While attempting to flee from the FBI, the criminal Frank Dallio kills Detective McKenna's wife, Rachel. McKenna himself is shot in the face by the professional killer Lyle Mason, who dies ... See full summary »
Rae Dawn Chong,
Billy Dee Williams
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The Snake Eaters are an elite division of the Marines especially trained for search and destroy missions. This actioner chronicles the exploits of one of them who has become a cop. Known as a tough loner, he returns to find the band of backwoods bad-guys who killed his parents and abducted his sister. Written by
When Soldier and Kid are bound into sleeping bags, the ropes change position several times between shots. See more »
Why don't we let the Bear at 'em, Junior?
Nah, Bear's done his work for the night, these two... they ran away from the bear.
[Soldier and Kid struggle]
What do you mean?
A few days...
[grabs Soldier's bonds]
and those bags'll sweat the water right outta their bodies! They'll die of thirst... then we'll cut 'em down, take them outta the bags... and drag them deep into the woods. They'll look like they ran away from the bear... got lost, and couldn't find no water. We'll leave a mark on them. It's ...
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Now, I've seen a lot of bad movies. I like bad movies. Especially bad action movies. I've seen (and enjoyed) all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's movies, including the one where he's his own clone, both of the ones where he plays twins, and all three where he's a cyborg. I actually own the one where he plays a fashion designer and has a fight in a truck full of durians. (Hey, if nothing else, he's got a great ass and you almost always get to see it. With DVD, you can even pause and zoom in!) That's why you can trust me when I say that this movie is so bad, it makes Plan 9 look like Citizen Kane.
Everything about Snake Eater is bad. The plot is bad. The script is bad. The sets are bad. The fights are bad. The stunts are bad. The FX are bad. The acting is spectacularly, earth-time-bendingly bad, very probably showcasing the worst performance of every so-called actor in the cast, including Lorenzo Lamas, and that's really saying something. And I'd be willing to bet everyone involved with this movie is lousy in bed, to boot. ESPECIALLY Lorenzo Lamas.
It does manage to be unintentionally funny, so it's not a total loss. However, I recommend that you watch this movie only if you are either a congenital idiot or very, very stoned. I was able to sit through it myself because I needed to watch something to distract me from rinsing cat urine out of my laundry.
It didn't help much, but it was better than nothing. One point for Ron Palillo's cameo as a gay arsonist.
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