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|Index||24 reviews in total|
I'm not sure what I expected from a film starring two of the worst
actresses ever to (dis)grace the silver screen, but Kill Cruise is even
worse than I could have imagined. This is possibly the first thriller
without any thrills. In fact, it should be re-named "Two Irritating
Slappers Stuck On A Yacht".
The film begins promisingly. Patsy Kensit (Su) and Liz Hurley (Lou) perform an appalling musical number in a club and then Liz performs an impromptu strip, flashing her boobs. Unfortunately, the comedy ends there. Su and Lou pick up a drunken German skipper (an embarrassed looking Juergen Prochnow) for what I assume was a threesome and decide to sail with him to Bermuda. Shortly into the trip, Su becomes jealous of the relationship developing between Lou and the skipper and generally behaves like an idiot. This jealousy then escalates into general insanity.
Kill Cruise doesn't even have the decency to be a mildly amusing "Dead Calm" rip off. That film exploited the claustrophobic atmosphere of a yacht to magnificent effect. Kill Cruise doesn't even bother, in fact nothing really happens. The most thrilling moment is probably when everyone falls asleep and the ship hits some empty oil barrels. Now that will have you on the edge of your seat. The finale itself is so anti-climactic that it borders on being shameful. The twist is utterly nonsensical and the epilogue is so stupid and irrelevant that it almost defies belief.
The only reason I give this film 3 stars instead of 1 is out of sympathy for Juergen Prochnow, who does his best despite the ridiculous material that he has to work with. The only other thing the film has going for it is the opportunity to laugh at the amazing lack of acting ability displayed by Liz and Patsy. What a sorry pair.
Kill Cruise really is an exercise in futility. If you are going to make a thriller, please provide some thrills. And if you are going to disguise your dull epic as a "character study", then at least flesh out the characters and try to make their actions vaguely believable. This is one cruise you will be happy to skip.
The original box for the video featured Patsy Kensit, who at that time looked like she was going to become a big star. It never happened, & now Elizabeth Hurley (who receives third billing) is featured on the front of the video box. My, how things change! This is a slow moving but very unusual & interesting character study of three people on a small boat, traveling from Gibralter to Barbados. The acting is superb (especially Kensit & Prochnow, both of whom have much charisma), the changing small group dynamics are very interesting for viewers who like character studies, & there's quite a surprise in the plot. Notice the double standard of Kensit's character as she first has sex with a man (in exchange for something she expects but never gets) & then disapproves her friend's (Hurley's) going a bit "too far" after their burlesque dance routine. It's this same ambiguity that drives her character throughout the movie. Hurley is shown semi-nude briefly a couple of times, so that may either peak your interest or turn you off; not for younger viewers. Stick with it during the slow moments, it's worth it. I rate it 8/10.
I expected this to be a "good bad" movie - the kind that's so bad it's
entertaining. However, in terms of performance and script I was
surprised to find that it was much better than expected. Jurgen
Prochnow is always good, no matter how bad the material he is given.
But even Patsy Kensit and Elizabeth Hurley did well portraying two
self-absorbed, air-headed, and talent-free bimbos who hitch a boat ride
with him, expecting a relaxing pleasure cruise. I've been on a one-week
cruise with two other people on a similar vessel, sailing off the coast
of Maine, and can tell you that the movie accurately portrays the
claustrophobic conditions on board which can lead to personality
clashes. If some of the personalities are psychotic, as in this movie,
the tension would become unbearable to the point of explosion. And
anyone who thinks that personalities like those portrayed in the movie
don't actually exist has led a very sheltered life.
The sailing scenes are realistic - the motion of the boat, the feeling of vulnerability in the open ocean, how danger or an emergency can appear suddenly, the necessity for even the inexperienced to pitch in and help. Jurgen, who I have heard is a sailor in real life, moves naturally through all the duties of a captain.
The twist ending came out of the blue and did not work for me. However, till then the movie was involving and I enjoyed it.
Although there seemed to be a lack in the plot of the movie, the story and events were entertaining. You never know what will happen on a cruise of this nature and this movie points to certain possibilities. I would watch it again but the anxiety that I felt would be reason enough not to watch it. I did feel a certain emptiness when it was over, but hey, that is what movies are about. You just never know. The surprise ending was actually not expected and that was well worth the viewing time of two hours. I would recommend this film to others with the knowledge that it was not a real class film but entertaining none the less.
(There are Spoilers) Surviving a violent Mediterranean Sea storm the
skipper, Jurgen Prochnow, was unable to save the life of his friend and
fellow seaman Paul Pelikan, Mario Stock, and his former, and now
Mario's, lover Mona, Gvalyna Szapolowska. The Skipper hold's himself
responsible for their deaths even though he was cleared of any wrong
doing by a Seaman/Mariner Court.
Losing his nerve and getting drunk the Skipper hangs out all day and night, for six months, at the local Califorina Club drinking instead of going back out to sea on his ship the Bella Donna. Things change for the Skipper when he's approached by a young British duet of singer and dancer Su & Lou, Patsy Kensit & Elizabeth Hurley. The two are dying to get out of this boring ghost town of Gibraltar and sail to sunny and swinging Barbados in the West Indies. A trip of some 2,500 miles that would take over a month.
The Skipper needing a reason to go back to sea on his ship jumps at the idea that the girls proposed to him and the next day the Skipper together with Su & Lou and their pet pooch Willard sails past the "Pillars of Hercules" into the wide open and dangerous Atlantic Ocean. It turned out to be a voyage straight into hell.
Great scenic and ocean photography with a number of spectacular sunrise and sunsets can't overcome the film "Kill Cruise" unconvincing script and totally unbelievable surprise ending. The ending is so off-the-wall that it makes you wonder if you fell asleep while watching the film and missed something that would make it at least plausible to the movie's story.
A less then glamorous Elizabeth Hurley and down in the dumps-looking Patsy Kensit make up the trio, or quintet if you include the cute little dog Willard, on the cruise yacht Bella Donna. Thing start to get edgy when Su becomes jealous of the Skipper taking her friend, and possibly lesbian lover,Lou away from her as they both have a sexual tryst right in front of her. Su plans to murder the Skipper, as well as Lou, by first letting them drown at sea as they were both swimming, and making out underwater, by taking off with the boat Bella Donna. Later Su hides the insulin that the Skipper needs for his diabetic condition and his life is saved by Lou who finds it just in time, hidden by Su inside a world globe, just before in went into insulin shock.
With the crazed jealous and murderously inclined Su on deck the movie then immediately changes course where we see the three on board with Su & Lou dancing and singing as if everything that we saw up until then was forgotten about. Then were hit with an ending that's straight out of nowhere.
This is a very interesting film which will keep your attention and at the same time entertain you right to the very end of the film. This film deals with two women, Sue (Patsy Kensit) and Elizabeth Hurley, (Lou) who enlist the services of a washed up drunken man named Jurgen Prochnow, ( The Skipper) who is a German Sailor and he owns a sailing vessel and is requested by the police authorities in the West Indes to leave their port. The Skipper meets up with these two young women in a night club called the "California" where he girls perform and sometimes give more than they are asked for. Eventually, these girls decided to sail to Barbados with the Skipper and this ride starts all kinds of sparks between two females, a dog and the Skipper, who pays very little attention sexually to these women. One of the girls finally gets some love and complete attention and the other girl gets very upset and starts all kinds of problems. You will never guess how this film ends and it is very suspenseful and will keep you on the edge of your seats. Enjoy
Kill Cruise is one of those hard to find movies that any Liz Hurley fan must see. An early film in Liz's career, that can only mean one thing. Nudity. Not only do you get to see Liz in the buff, you get to watch two love scenes with her at her best. Patsy Kensit co stars with Liz in this very sexy and dark story. Check it out if you can find a copy. The DVD just recently came out nationwide.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
The duo of Patsy Kensit and Elizabeth Hurley may look like a jackpot of sexiness on paper, but "Kill Cruise" is actually pretty tame and rarely goes beyond the bikini level. The film begins rather awkwardly, but it improves as soon as the three main characters set sail; the uncertainty about who is good and who is bad, as well as about whether some past events are connected to the present, keeps you watching. But after a certain point, it begins to drag; making a 90+ minute film with only three characters and one setting (the boat in the open sea) is no easy task. And then comes the ending, which I must admit is quite unpredictable, and features a chillingly calm, detached performance by a certain cast member (I won't say which one, to avoid spoilers), but doesn't provide the film with much of a point. The sailing sequences are well-shot, though the DVD transfer is rather poor. ** out of 4.
The film had quite bad reviews at the time so when I got it on DVD the plan was to fast forward to the naughty bits. But I found the film so fascinating that I watched it from beginning to end. Being on a yacht with Paty Kensit and Liz Hurley sounds like your idea of paradise? Well, the washed out skipper of a yacht is duped into a four week trip to Barbaidos with two young women who make a living stripping and turning tricks in a decidedly seedy Gibraltar. Everything seems fine at first but then the sexual tension rises, the skipper seems to have a dark secret and paradise turns into hell. The film has an overtone of aggressive sexuality from the very beginning that tries to assert itself against the burned out skipper and does so in the end but with disastrous consequences. I liked both the feel of the run down part of Gibraltar and the clautstrophobic atmosphere on the yacht. Kensit is great as the slut from hell who becomes more and more unstable throughout the journey. Hurley seems to be the sensible one who turn into a complete psychopath. While the acting is very good my only misgiving about the film is that this change comes too suddenly and does not really seem plausible. I'm not sure if secnes were cut from the film but I certainly do not believe the rumour of a full frontal nudity lesbian love scene (which wouldn't really make sense). The film is also a showcase for Prochnow's acting talents which he unfortunately squandered with later roles as stoch villain. Well worth watching!
This is a real psychological study. Poor Jurgen ends up with a couple of beautiful, two bit performers who coerce him into taking them to Barbados. Unfortunately, the trip is four weeks and along the way, their personalities begin to clash, with deadly consequences. One is selfish and jealous, the other grows strong but has a psychotic side. Prochnow's Captain is Diabetic and this proves to be the biggest complication when one of the jealous females decides to use it against him. The dynamics on board are interesting. Both women are gorgeous, which complicates things as well. There is sexual tension all over the place. The name of the ship is "Bella Donna" which, of course, is a plant that is used to extract deadly poison. The movie does work pretty well as the three do everything to destroy what there is between them. I won't spoil the ending, but it certainly grabs the viewer.
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