An aging magician harboring a terrible occult secret and his daughter are taken hostage in their isolated mansion by teenage scumbags need- ing a place to hide out. When the captors refuse ... See full summary »
An aging magician harboring a terrible occult secret and his daughter are taken hostage in their isolated mansion by teenage scumbags need- ing a place to hide out. When the captors refuse to listen to the magician's dire warning to release him unharmed, the mansion slowly releases its nightmare of horrors on the unsuspecting invaders. Written by
May both Lovecraft and Cthulu forgive the poor fools who made this mess
Don't go into this one expecting even a remote trace of Lovecraftian horror ...you won't find it. The only HPL connection to this screwball effort is the word Cthulu ...the word, not the idea, not the god, not the atmosphere or anything else. Just the word. One can't necessarily expect the actors of a movie like this to be top notch (though Jeffrey Combs of some other HPL-based films is certainly the exception), but in Cthulu Mansion you feel like you should be watching something recorded by teenagers on a digital camera. The film's dialog consists solely of clichés ...an hour and a half worth of clichés: imagine that! The lead bad guy is named Hawk (which wouldn't be funny even if this were a satire of trashy horror), and the characters so lack originality and human-ness that you'll find yourself wondering aloud, "What was going through the actor's mind when he/she was performing this scene?" Seemingly absolutely nothing. The killings are mild (the blood-shower drowning was cool but too good for this film) or stupid (the 1950s monster hands coming out of the refrigerator ...come on!), and the only genuinely positive thing I can say about the entire mess was that the mansion used here would be great in a better film. I so wanted this to be a better movie. The cover at the video store, the fact that it was Spanish and claimed to be based off of Lovecraft, all pointed to something awesome ...but I was horribly deceived.
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