Madhouse (1990)
Alison La Placa: Claudia
Photos
Quotes
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Bernice : I need your opinion on something here. These are my favorite names for the baby so far: "Amaretta," "Caramel," or "Treblinka."
Claudia : You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp!
Bernice : I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little fairies from Cinderella.
Claudia : You moron!
Bernice : I hope my water breaks all over your fur coat!
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Claudia : He barely knows I'm alive, he cut my allowance.
Jessie Bannister : He cut her allowance, honey!
Mark Bannister : To what? $9000.00 a month?
Claudia : He makes me drive his old Jaguar.
Jessie Bannister : Now, Claudia, some people have worse problems.
Claudia : Like who?
Jessie Bannister : Like people who don't have cars.
Claudia : Who cares about them!
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[all the guests are lined up outside the bathroom; C.K. emerges, Claudia goes in and shuts the door]
Claudia : You repulsive little midget! Next time, *flush*!
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Jessie : Claudia, I... What are you doing?
Claudia : Making a list of potential husbands. There are plenty of former suitors just waiting to sweep me off my feet.
Jessie : Ranked in financial order?
Claudia : One has to know what one is getting into.
Jessie : What's the asterisk for?
Claudia : Over eighty.
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Mark Bannister : [speaking to Claudia's husband Kaddir on the phone] Hi, Kaddir, "salaam" back at you.
Claudia : I won't talk to him.
Mark Bannister : [speaking to Claudia] He wanted to know if you were here.
Claudia : Why?
Mark Bannister : To let you know he canceled your credit cards.
Claudia : What? That Middle-Eastern maggot! He can talk to my lawyer! The nerve of that towelhead!
Mark Bannister : [back on the phone with Kaddir] Oh, yes, she is very upset about your little love spat, Kaddir.
[speaking to Claudia]
Mark Bannister : He says he will forget everything if you just go home and fix dinner for him.
Claudia : [shouting into the mouthpiece of the phone] Oh, grind some glass, Ayatollah!
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Claudia : [going over a list of eliminated rich marriage prospects] Married, turned gay, married, in jail--malpractice, dead! I'm telling you, good marriage material is getting tough to find!
