2.8/10
198
4 user 3 critic

Firehead (1991)

A government agent assigns a scientist to help one of his agents track down a Russian defector who is a cyborg. Meanwhile, an organization known as The Upper Order is plotting to take over ... See full summary »

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, (as Jeff Mandel)
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Vaughn
Chris Lemmon ...
Hart
...
...
Meila
...
Admiral Pendleton
George Elliot ...
Fullbright
Edmund Kearney ...
The President (as Ed Kearney)
Douglas Simms ...
Taggart
Lauren Levy ...
Smith
Ralph Sims ...
Shaw
Thomas C. Smith-Alden ...
Devries (as Thomas Alden-Smith)
Eugene Walters ...
Simonn
Robert MacDowell ...
Spector
Graham Timbes ...
Ann Thornton ...
Female Reporter
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Storyline

A government agent assigns a scientist to help one of his agents track down a Russian defector who is a cyborg. Meanwhile, an organization known as The Upper Order is plotting to take over the world by using the cyborg's powers. Written by Anonymous

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

The Power to Destroy the World...And the Will to Save It


Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language | See all certifications »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

25 January 1991 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

Apolyto oplo  »

Filming Locations:


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Box Office

Opening Weekend USA:

$3,383, 27 January 1991, Limited Release

Gross USA:

$60,197
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs

Runtime:

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Did You Know?

Trivia

Riffed by the guys from MST3K, Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Mike Nelson. See more »

Quotes

[first lines]
Russian Commander: Are you ready, Ivan?
Ivan Tibor: Ready when you are.
See more »

Soundtracks

Firehead
Written by Gretchen Becker, Jeffrey Mandel, and Vladimir Horunzhy
Performed by Vladimir Horunzhy
Sung by Gretchen Becker
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User Reviews

 
What are you waiting for? Detonate!
9 April 2008 | by See all my reviews

I purchased Firehead because I like bad movies and, well it's called Firehead, isn't it? It's terrible. Inexcusably bad. But you probably already guessed that or, heaven forbid, watched it and knew.

It concerns a Russian super-soldier with telekinetic abilities who defects to the US ("I'm going to find a free country") and eventually turns on his American handler as well. Christopher Plummer plays his former boss, Vaughn, who is part of a shadowy secret group that wishes to rule the world. I'd explain more of the plot, but it's a fun combination of dumb and nonsensical, so I won't. It doesn't matter anyway. Suffice to say that Vaughn decides it's a good idea to enlist a chemist to track down a rampaging super-powered defector blowing up factories. But fear not! He has assigned an assassin to tag along and take out this raging Russian. An assassin who frequently gets surprised by people sneaking up on her, sure, but an assassin no less. It goes pretty steadily downhill from there.

The only reason this movie gets even two stars out of me is wholly because of the performances of Martin Landau and Christopher Plummer, who manage to prove they can float on top of sewage. I suspect they owed somebody favors. Big, big favors. They're good enough, in fact, to be part of the problem. They'd raise the bar back up off the ground, and I'd foolishly start expecting good things only to be hit upside the head again with, for instance, a government-trained professional gunman shooting down a very narrow hallway at our protagonists walking side by side and missing. That sort of thing.

Such a vast, uncountable amount of bullets are fired at our two (sometimes three) protagonists that I started to be concerned with the quantities of wasted metal that would go unrecycled when said bullets inevitably missed. This movie features perhaps the worst gunfights I've seen in a movie. If you kinda run and then maybe duck and then sort of look the other way when someone's unloading their clip at you, even if you're completely out in the open, you'll be just fine in the world of Firehead.

If you come to Firehead hoping for a good movie, then seriously, what's wrong with you? It's called Firehead. If you're hoping for a hilarious bad movie, then you're headed in the right direction. It's not one of the best of the worst or anything--there are some slow moments, but it seriously shines in spots. It has awful, awful gunfights. Constantly. It has probably the worst little girl actress I've encountered delivering some inspired lines. In also has an ending so dumb, tangential and inexplicable that I was amazed. And it has enough little unexpected bad moments, one of which involves a squeaky toy, to keep you interested.

2/10 for quality. 6/10 as bad movies go.


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