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Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell (1990)

| Horror
Sheila Caan is menaced by Satan worshipers on her journey from Brooklyn to Las Vegas. In an effort to find out what happened to her twin sister, she undergoes many treacherous journeys, a ... See full summary »

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Cast

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Sheriff Jon Farlock
...
Devil-master
Sheila Ryan ...
Sandy / Susan (as Sheila Caan)
Mark Blanchard
Denise King ...
Snake-dancer
Vickie Benson
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Sheila Caan is menaced by Satan worshipers on her journey from Brooklyn to Las Vegas. In an effort to find out what happened to her twin sister, she undergoes many treacherous journeys, a number of Satanist slayings, and a number of showers. Written by Tim Kearns <tskearns@aol.com>

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She Was a Bombshell from Brooklyn on a Cross Country Ride to Hell!!! See more »

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Mark of the Beast  »

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Quotes

[examining a huge pentagram]
Sandy: It's a satanic sign of evil.
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User Reviews

 
Frustratingly Awful
30 April 2009 | by (New York, USA) – See all my reviews

The main problem with FERTILIZE THE BLASPHEMING BOMBSHELL (or MARK OF THE BEAST, as my VHS copy is titled) is the films that it tries to imitate -- RACE WITH THE DEVIL, ENTER THE DEVIL, Brotherhood Of Satan, THE DEVIL'S RAIN, even WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS -- were good enough to have taught viewers how movies like this work. All you can see are the mistakes that the film makes as it strives to be just a bottom of the barrel C grade satanic coven thriller and manages to screw even that up.

All of the standard plot elements are accounted for. The southwestern United States became a natural setting for modern satanic horror settings during the 1970s and the Nevada locations chosen are appropriately dismal & forlorn (THE DEVIL'S RAIN). We have the young couple who goes off in search of a good time, take a wrong turn or two, and end up in the clutches of a satanic cult who promptly sacrifice them to the devil (WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS). We have the waifish, slightly neurotic looking sister of the bride who takes it upon herself to scour the desert for the pair in her VW convertible and runs afoul of a colony of desert cultists who don't take kindly to strangers (ENTER THE DEVIL) and end up chasing her all over creation in odd vehicles (RACE WITH THE DEVIL). And we have the strapping local beefcake mechanic hero-type as well as an ambiguous town sheriff, both of whom may or may not be cult members (Brotherhood Of Satan).

The women in the cast aren't opposed to doing nude scenes and the amusingly over-the-top cult leader can recite such lines as "PREPARE TO FEEL THE HARD-ON OF HELL!" and not seem silly. The producers found the budget to afford a former A-list actor for a couple afternoons (Bo Hopkins, outclassing every other actor in the film just getting out of his truck & standing there in his sunglasses with his hands in his pockets) and stage some frenetic car chases with impressive mayhem. They even got a professional stripper to strut around topless with her boa constrictor during the big ceremony scene at the ol' sacrificial pentagram.

But it just doesn't work, proving once again that it's attitude and style that make a form interesting or not regardless of what you pad the script with. This one has neither and is merely an execution of form which gets tedious mighty quick. The movie looks like it was shot on video before being transferred to film, which in itself wouldn't be a problem if the editing of the audio had been done by someone who wasn't snorting Drano. Action and dialog are often out of sync and there are bizarre overdubs which sound like someone with the hiccups. The music is just atrocious, with every scene annoyingly scored with music that either doesn't fit the drama or over- emotes at what should have been lighter moments. And what's up with that title? Even the filmmakers apparently didn't respect what they'd come up with & named the film accordingly. Or was that just Troma being cute after they picked the film up for re-distribution?

Then there is the lead actress who can only be described as a piece of work with a character that is supposed to be a Vegas showgirl who teaches anthropology on the side. Oh! She also drives like Steve McQueen, is naturally adept at fighting off satanists with her bare hands or jury- rigging deadly weapons, and spends the final third of the film being chased across the high chaparral wearing just her panties and a flimsy blouse doing action stunts that would put The Road Warrior to shame. She is an unstoppable juggernaut of destruction, sending bodies flying off cliffs and exploding cars careening into ditches as she skips away with the camera centered on her firm butt cheeks, which were probably the primary attribute that led to her casting.

I love low budget regionally made horror films, and have a particular fondness for American made satanic coven horror potboilers (ever hear of THE WITCHMAKER?). But this movie sucks and not even in a good way, like MANOS: HANDS OF FATE, which may also have been a source of inspiration. It tries to be too serious for a party movie but is too silly & ineptly made to be taken seriously. There are bad laughs galore but the film is otherwise so artless and boring that it's only purpose, aside from displaying six minutes or so of passable female nudity, is to serve as an object lesson to aspiring filmmakers on how not to make a satanic coven thriller.

3/10


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