A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends...
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A delicious, mysterious goo that oozes from the earth is marketed as the newest dessert sensation, but the tasty treat rots more than teeth when zombie-like snackers who only want to consume more of the strange substance at any cost begin infesting the world.
A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them. Written by
Martin Moretti <email@example.com>
Featured on episode 14 of Red Letter Media's Best of the Worst series. See more »
When Mike McGavin asks the librarian about books on the occult, he is referred to section "666". In an American library, which uses Dewey Decimal Classification, books on parapsychology and the supernatural would be reserved in 130. 666 is actually for ceramic and allied technologies. See more »
What are you, a god-damn Nazi or something? Is that Elf yours? How many teeth have you got?
I think we have another winner The plot of "Elves" definitely has earned a spot in top 10 most bonkers and randomly senseless plots ever penned down for a horror movie! It's a Christmas movie, and for once it doesn't revolve about an escaped lunatic killer in a Santa Clause suit! Instead, writer/director Jeffrey Mandel (who?) cooked up a Christmas goulash with bizarre ingredients like evil Nazi doctors, sickening incest confessions, shopping mall Santa heroes, gratuitous kitty-cat killings and a hideous two-foot tall Elf creature! That's right by the way; the film is called "Elves" (plural) even though there's only one elf (singular) on display. Are you ready for the plot summary? I bet you aren't Close to Christmas, 17-year-old Kirsten and her two bimbo friends unwittingly summon a demonic little Elf-creature in the woods. Little do they know that Kirsten's now crippled grandfather once was a Nazi scientist who designed the plans for the creation of a superior master race. The elf creature has to breed with the virgin Kirsten (whose grandfather is, in fact, also her father) on Christmas Eve. Kirsten works in a department store where the homeless and chain- smoking replacement Santa Clause is the only one who can rescue her from the claws of the retarded Nazi-elf! "Elves" is terrible and inept, but simultaneously hilarious and easily one of the most entertaining "so-bad-it's-good" movies I've seen in a long time. Each and every single character in this film is deranged, like the loathsome mother who hates her own daughter so much that she drowns her beloved cat in the toilet (though, eventually, it does turn out she has a very good reason to hate her) or Grandpa's demented Nazi accomplices. Even though the tone of the film is nonsensical and fairly light-headed, there are a couple of vile and misplaced gory sequences, like the slaughter of Kirsten's two idiot friends. The acting performances from the entire cast are atrocious, but main star Dan Haggerty is the worst of all. He speaks in the same tone of voice throughout the entire film, whether he's calm or excited, and he looks as if he's sorely missing the times he was a successful actor playing a hermit living amidst the grizzly bears. His character also has some of the dumbest lines in cinematic history, like for example when he's beating up one of the Nazis and asks him in between two smashes how many teeth he has left.
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