Victor is caught up in a police raid on a brothel run in the Chinese restaurant which he has innocently visited. With Patrick's birthday soon Victor sees the opportunity to please him. One of the customers on Victor's window-cleaning round is an artist so Victor gives Patrick one of the paintings the artist has thrown out - it is not appreciated. Pippa, meanwhile,gets drunk and has a one-night stand.
The Meldrews make their excuses to avoid attending Mrs. Warboys' cousin's birthday and Victor gets offered the star part of a vampire in Nick's play. Disaster seems to loom when a colonostomy reveals a surfeit of blood in Victor's system but this is actually down to eating too much black pudding. Mildred,on the other hand,really does seem to be dead after hanging herself.
Katy,the Meldrews' cleaner,is so taken with their bizarre lives that she writes a play about them,using recent events that have happened to them. Such as Victor mistakenly taking Mrs Warboys to a tattooist and not a dentist,who gives her a tattoo of her dental plate. Or the finger found in a fish and chips takeaway and how the letter Victor helped the takeaway's owner write to an agony aunt was found by Mrs Warboys,who thought Victor was in love with her. Or the giant fly delivered to the house. No wonder Katy's director finds it all so hard to believe.
It's the hottest night of the year and Victor sprays himself to keep cool but, due to a power cut, fails to realize the spray is hair lacquer. Having discovered that he was shot at whilst passing a siege and told off two kids who were having sex in his car he has to entertain an annoying and incontinent neighbor whose wife has been taken to hospital and who insists on being read aloud to.
After seeing a man dump rubbish in the river Victor throws fishing worms in his lunch. They meet again as this is the man Nick intends to sell his house to. Patrick's gay twin brother causes confusion. Victor is mistakenly given a porn film at the video shop so he gives it to the twin but it's actually Patrick,who later tells Victor he donated it to the church fete.