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The War of the Roses (1989) Poster

Quotes

Oliver Rose: You have sunk below the deepest layer of prehistoric frog shit at the bottom of a New Jersey scum swamp.

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Oliver Rose: I think you owe me a solid reason. I worked my ass off for you and the kids to have a nice life and you owe me a reason that makes sense. I want to hear it.

Barbara Rose: Because. When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in.

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Oliver Rose: [just got in the chandelier which pulled him of the balcony] I think I can swing this over to the balcony.

Barbara Rose: Stop it! Stop it! stop it!

Barbara Rose: I loosened the bolt, I was gonna drop it on you.

Oliver Rose: Oooh. That's a good one.

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Gavin: My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife and his shoes.

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Gavin: There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?

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Oliver Rose: You weren't even multiorgasmic before you met me, were you?

Barbara Rose: You really expect me to keep on reassuring you sexually even now when we disgust each other?

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Oliver Rose: [Oliver and Barbara pass each other on the stairs] Stinking bitch!

Barbara Rose: Dumb bastard!

Oliver Rose: Slut!

Barbara Rose: Scum!

Oliver Rose: Filth!

Barbara Rose: Faggot!

[Passes Susan the maid]

Barbara Rose: Morning Susan.

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[last lines]

Gavin: [on the phone with his wife] Hi, what're you doing? I'm coming home. Love you.

[smooches]

Gavin: Bye.

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Barbara Rose: Have you ever made angry love?

Gavin: Is there any other way?

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[Finding out that they are going to get a divorce]

Oliver Rose: And you better get yourself a damn good lawyer!

Barbara Rose: Best your money can buy!

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Gavin: Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.

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[Oliver Rose pees on the fish Barbara Rose had prepared for the guests]

Barbara Rose: I would never humiliate you like this!

Oliver Rose: You're not equipped to, honey.

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[Oliver Rose lies in agony, after having his penis bitten severely by Barbara Rose]

Barbara Rose: Was it as good for you as it was for me?

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Barbara Rose: [after learning that Oliver is moving back into the home] This is the stupidest thing you've ever done!

Oliver Rose: Second stupidest.

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Mr. Fisk: [Speaking to the other guests after seeing Oliver urinating on the stove] A family tiff seems to be developing. I don't know if we should leave, but I definitely advise skipping the fish course.

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[first lines]

Gavin: [Gavin is talking to a client] You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.

[blows his nose with a handkerchief]

Gavin: Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.

[sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils]

Gavin: In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.

[pulls a cigarette out of a pack]

Gavin: I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.

[lights his cigarette]

Gavin: I hadn't smoked for thirteen years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.

[fetches a plastic case out of a drawer]

Gavin: I had this little case made for it.

[opens it and shows it to him]

Gavin: Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...

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Gavin: There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!

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Oliver Rose: [mistakenly almost hits Susan with the thrown chair] Oh, I'm sorry, Susan. I thought you are Barbara.

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Barbara Rose: Besides money...

[Barbara kicks off one of her heels and puts her foot in Gavin's crotch]

Barbara Rose: what would it take to get you to help me, Gavin?

Gavin: Come on, put your shoes on, Barbara. I haven't been into feet since '82.

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Oliver Rose: What the hell is wrong with you?

Gavin: [cut to interior of Gavin's office] If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.

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Barbara Rose: [after making love to Oliver, several times, upon their very first meeting] If we end up together, then this is the most romantic evening of my life. And if we don't, then I'm the world's biggest slut.

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Gavin: At 15 I became an evolutionist; and it all became clear. We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.

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Gavin: I should have seen her toes in the pit of my crotch as a cry for help.

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Oliver Rose: Barbara, Susan is here. She wants to know if you are all right.

Barbara Rose: Never felt better.

Oliver Rose: [opens the door for Susan] Thank you for dropping by, Susan.

Susan: Will you go outside with me, Mr.Rose?

Oliver Rose: Let's go.

[pauses]

Oliver Rose: Wait a minute, I forgot something.

Susan: What?

Oliver Rose: Barbara!

[shuts the door in front of her nose]

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Barbara Rose: Get out of the car, honey!

Oliver Rose: You're gonna have to kill me.

Barbara Rose: I mean it, Oliver.

Oliver Rose: You don't have *guts*! C'mon!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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