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The Misadventures of Mr. Wilt (1990) Poster

Quotes

[Flint has found Henry in the graveyard]

Inspector Flint: I bet if we dug up these graves, we'd find a dead body in every one!

Henry Wilt: Well, so would I!

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[Flint has realised that Henry is innocent of all charges]

Inspector Flint: In that case, *I* am under arrest. I am hereby arresting myself, for conspiring to falsify evidence for the wrongful arrest of a private citizen, misuse of police manpower and resources, and for knowingly obtaining an unlicensed firearm from an illegal source, with intent to murder and maim.

[Hands shotgun to Eva]

Inspector Flint: I am not obliged to say anything, but anything I do say can be noted and used as evidence. If someone would care to call the police, I shall be in the cemetery.

[Flint exits, while Henry joins Eva]

Henry Wilt: He's been under a lot of stress, lately.

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[Henry bursts into the church, to find the vicar trying to strangle Eva]

Henry Wilt: Now you listen here, if anyone's going to murder my wife, it's going to be me!

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Inspector Flint: Your wife! Your wife is *dead*!

Henry Wilt: You know what, Inspector, for the first time since I met you, you're in danger of actually being right about something!

[Henry wacks Flint into an open grave with the shovel, and runs off]

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[Henry has arrived at the church, looking for Eva]

Henry Wilt: Why didn't I sign my own name? I'd be safely locked up in Broadmoor by now!

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[Henry is looking through the kitchen cupboards]

Henry Wilt: [looking at the dog] Where does she keep the Marmite, Dasher?

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Cranham: Don't tell the bastards nothing!

Henry Wilt: *Anything*, Cranham! Don't tell the bastards *anything*!

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Dave: [Indicating the students] They look like football hooligans!

Henry Wilt: They *are* football hooligans!

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Inspector Flint: [Wilt has just told him what happened to Eva's note] Do you mean to say that the one piece of evidence that could corroborate your story is wrapped round a turd headed for the North Sea?

Henry Wilt: Yes.

Inspector Flint: How tragically inconvenient!

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Inspector Flint: [to Wilt, who has just attacked him thinking he is a mugger] I *am* the fucking police, you gormless erection!

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Hugh: [to Eva, referring to Sally] She just wanted to get into your knickers!

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Eva Wilt: [indignantly] Are you calling Sal a lesbian?

Hugh: I don't have to! She's already got their number!

[He and sally burst out laughing]

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Henry Wilt: [to a policewoman] Do you think they'll want to do a cast of my face for the Chamber of Horrors?

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Henry Wilt: [face to face with Inspector Flint in the cemetery] You cretinous testicle!

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Inspector Flint: You're inferring we're

[meaning the police]

Inspector Flint: all thick!

Henry Wilt: No, I'm *implying* you're all thick, *you're* inferring that that is what I'm *implying*.

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Henry Wilt: So what am I supposed to have done with the body, then?

[sarcastic]

Henry Wilt: Dissolved it in a huge vat of acid?

Dr. Pittman: Aha!

Henry Wilt: Oh, come on! Do you know how much acid that would take?

Dr. Pittman: Why don't you tell me?

Henry Wilt: No, anybody who'd believe that theory can't have his head screwed on straight!

[Dr Pittman has a noticeable crick in his neck]

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Eva Wilt: [reads from the Bible on the lectern] "Beauty in a woman without good judgement is like a gold ring in the snout of a swine."

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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