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Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) Poster

Quotes

Woody: Waste your brain; wax your board; pray for waves.

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Candy: Have a mental margarita.

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Valerie: As if things weren't bad enough, now I've been abducted by aliens.

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Candy: Okay you guys, what's the plan for tonight?

Valerie: Whoa, Candy, reality check. We can't go out with these guys, they're aliens!

Candy: So? They can still be dates!

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Valerie: Eat me, I'm a cupcake!

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[Ted sees a bowling ball embedded in his computer monitor]

Ted: What? Oh, wait a second. They said the Commodore would stand up to anything!

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Valerie: I didn't want you to think Earth girls were easy.

Mac: What is "easy"?

Valerie: [kissing him] This is "easy".

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Candy: Well I see split ends are universal. Lost in space with no conditioner, huh?

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Wiploc: Finland is here?

Valerie: Finland? No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway. Gawd, you guys sure learn fast.

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Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?

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[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: I took an IQ test and I flunked it, of course / I can't spell VW, but I got a Porsche.

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[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is like a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.

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[from the song "'Cause I'm A Blonde"]

Candy: 'Cause I'm a blonde! B-L-... I don't know!

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Woody: [on the phone to Valerie, as cops attack him] I gotta go, Val - I'm gettin' my butt kicked!

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Candy: If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your L'Oréals!

Valerie: You know, I think she might be right!

Candy: Grab the bleach, she's seen the light!

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Mac: Joe, take us to hospital, please.

Joe the Cop: Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer!

Mac: [looks at Mike the cop, then at Valerie] We go to slammer first.

Valerie: [to Mac] Listen, give them that love touch, then they'll come on to me. They'll be putty in my hands.

Mac: You want sex with Joe and Mike?

Valerie: No, no, just so we can get away. Do it, do it! You'll see.

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Valerie: [Frantically to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and, um, they're here now, but Ted's coming home tonight so you've got to cut their hair.

Owner of Beauty Shop: What did you say?

Valerie: Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.

[Turns back to Candy]

Valerie: Candy, you've got to help them out.

Candy: Would you listen to yourself? Valerie, no man is worth getting yourself in this state over. Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! Valerie, come here, just sit down, honey, relax, have a mental margarita, and everything is...

[Gets interrupted by Valerie]

Valerie: Okay, I'm going to show you something that's going to totally change your life, completely, forever. Okay?

Candy: Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette.

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Valerie: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, Candy! The worst thing in the world happened!

[pause]

Valerie: No, Bambi's fine. It's Ted. Yeah, the blond thing did not work.

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[the aliens have landed]

Valerie: There's a giant blow dryer in my pool.

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Zeebo: [imitating Candy] Oh, my God. You're like totally black!

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Valerie: Aw, Wiploc, I think I'll miss you least of all.

Wiploc: You want a liplock from Wiploc?

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Valerie: A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. You can break it, and you can glue it back together, but it's not going to be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed to bringing home nurses!

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Ted: I don't know, I'm just not that turned on by her lately.

Body Factory Attendant: I hear oysters are good for potency.

Dr. Rick: Yeah, I tried that once, but they kept slipping off.

Ted: If I was any more potent, I'd kill somebody.

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Ted: [On the phone] Dr. Tuchman, please.

[waits]

Ted: Barbara? Ted here. Listen, uh, I need a really big favor. I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow. I'm going to Vegas!

[laughs]

Ted: Well, I'm gonna lose a little money, take in a show, and get married.

[waits]

Ted: Barbara, Barbara, look, jus, just because I'm getting married doesn't mean we can't date, alright! What?

[looks at the phone]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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