Daisy Werthan:
Hoke?
Hoke Colburn:
Yes'm.
Daisy Werthan:
You're my best friend.
Hoke Colburn:
No, go on Miss Daisy.
Daisy Werthan:
No, really, you are...
[
Takes Hoke's hand]
Daisy Werthan:
You are.
Hoke Colburn:
Yes'm.
[
to Hoke on his first day of work]
Idella:
I wouldn't be in your shoes if the Sweet Lord Jesus come down and asked me himself.
Daisy Werthan:
Did you have the air-conditioning checked? I told you to have the air-conditioning checked.
Hoke Colburn:
I had the air-conditioning checked. I don't know what for. You never allow me to turn it on.
Daisy Werthan:
Hush up!
Daisy Werthan:
You should have let me keep my old LaSalle. It never would've behaved this way and you know it.
Boolie Werthan:
Mama, cars don't behave. They are behaved upon. Fact is, you demolished that Chrysler all by yourself.
Daisy Werthan:
Say what you want, I know the truth.
Boolie Werthan:
The truth is, you just cost the insurance company $2,700. You're a terrible risk. Nobody's gonna want to issue you a policy after this.
Daisy Werthan:
You're just saying that to be hateful!
Boolie Werthan:
OK. I am. I'm makin' it all up. Look out there in the driveway! Every insurance company in America is out there, waving their fountain pen, trying to get you to sign up!
Boolie Werthan:
You're a doodle, Mama.
Boolie Werthan:
How're you, Idella?
Idella:
Livin'.
Boolie Werthan:
Where's that vacuum cleaner I brought over here?
Idella:
In the closet.
Boolie Werthan:
[
turning to Hoke] She won't touch it.
Idella:
I would if it didn't give me a shock every time I come near it!
Boolie Werthan:
It works for me!
Idella:
Fine... you clean and I'll go down and run your office!
Idella:
I'm goin', Miss Daisy.
Daisy Werthan:
[
from upstairs] Alright Idella, see you tomorrow.
Hoke Colburn:
I'm goin' too, Miss Daisy.
Daisy Werthan:
Good!
[
Hoke is trailing Daisy in the car as she walks to the supermarket]
Daisy Werthan:
What are you doing?
Hoke Colburn:
I'm tryin' to drive you to the store!
Daisy Werthan:
[
on the phone, trying to get a ride to her hair appointment] Well, I need you now, I have to be at the beauty parlor in half an hour... no, I most certainly did NOT know you have to call a minimum of three hours ahead! I don't know why you call yourselves a taxicab company if you can't provide taxicabs!
Idella:
[
in the other room, polishing a table] Why don't you call your son down at the mill? He'll send somebody for you.
Daisy Werthan:
That won't be necessary... I'll just cancel the appointment and fix my own hair!
Idella:
Sometimes I think you ain't got the sense God gave a lemon!
[
Hoke and Miss Daisy are talking about how he can't read]
Daisy Werthan:
You know your letters don't you?
Hoke Colburn:
Oh yeah, yeah I know my ABC's pretty good, just can't read.
Daisy Werthan:
Stop saying that you're making me mad! If you know your letters you can read. You just don't know you can read.
Hoke Colburn:
Maam?
Daisy Werthan:
I taught some of the stupidest children God ever put on the face of this earth and all of them could read well enough to find a name on a tombstone.
[
after Florene storms out when Katie Bell makes a mistake]
Boolie Werthan:
Don't worry Katie Bell, it's not QUITE the end of the world.
Hoke Colburn:
[
on a pay phone calling Boolie after taking Daisy to the Piggly Wiggly] Hello, Mr. Werthan? Yeah, it's me. Guess where I'm at? I jus' finished drivin' yo mama to da store.
[
laughs]
Hoke Colburn:
Oh, yeah, she flap around some, but she's all right, she in da store. Oh, Lord, she jus' looked out da window an' seen me on da phone... prob'ly gonna throw a fit right there at da checkout!
[
pause]
Hoke Colburn:
You sho' right about that! Only took me six days. Same time it took the Lord to make the world! All right, 'bye now!
Hoke Colburn:
Hey, there, Oscar, Junior... how you boys doin' this morning?
Oscar:
How the old lady treatin' you, Hoke?
Hoke Colburn:
Lord, I tell you one thing... she sho' do know how to throw a fit!
[
Hoke, Oscar, and Junior break out in laughter]
Daisy Werthan:
What's so funny?
Hoke Colburn:
Nothin', Miss Daisy. We jus' carryin' on.
Boolie Werthan:
What I need is for somebody to drive my mother around
Hoke Colburn:
Well, if you don' mind my askin', sir, how come she's not hirin' for herself?
Boolie Werthan:
See, it's kind of a delicate situation.
Hoke Colburn:
Oh, yessir, yessir... done gone around the bend a little bit. Well, now, that'll happen as they get old...
Boolie Werthan:
Oh, no, she's all there. Too-much-there is the problem!
[
Hoke laughs]
Alabama trooper #1:
[
watching Daisy and Hoke leave after checking them out] An old nigger and an old Jew woman takin' off down the road together... that is one sorry sight!
[
Hoke and Boolie are walking thru Daisy's vacated home discussing how Hoke and Daisy have been since Daisy had to be put in the nursing home]
Boolie Werthan:
I suppose you don't get out to see her very much.
Hoke Colburn:
No, sir... it's hard not drivin'. Every now and then I takes a taxi cab, but don't too many taxis go out yonder.
Boolie Werthan:
I'm sure she appreciates it.
Hoke Colburn:
Yes, sir.
[
pauses]
Hoke Colburn:
Some days, she better than others... but then, who ain't?
[
Hoke and Boolie both laugh]
[
Hoke and Boolie are at the nursing home visiting Daisy. Daisy appears unwilling to speak much]
Boolie Werthan:
Hoke, I thought of you the other day on the expressway. I saw an Avondale Milk truck. Monster of a thing, must have had about sixteen wheels.
Hoke Colburn:
You don't say!
Boolie Werthan:
I was wondering how you'd like drivin' that thing around!
Daisy Werthan:
[
to Boolie] Hoke came to see me, not you!
Hoke Colburn:
Look like one o' her good days!
Daisy Werthan:
Boolie, go charm the nurses!
Boolie Werthan:
[
smiling] She wants you all to herself.
Hoke Colburn:
[
Hoke and Idella are walking to Daisy's house and notice Boolie's car in the driveway] Now what do you suppose he's doin' here this early in the mornin'?
Idella:
Dunno... can't be good, I promise you that!
Hoke Colburn:
[
Hoke walks in, Boolie and Daisy are there to confront him about a missing can of salmon] Mornin', Miss Daisy. I think it's gettin' ready to clear up out there! Oh, 'scuse me, Mr. Werthan!
Boolie Werthan:
Hoke, I think we're gonna have to have a little talk.
Hoke Colburn:
All right, sir. Just let me get outta my coat.
[
pauses, then turns to Daisy]
Hoke Colburn:
Oh, Miss Daisy, yesterday, while you was out visitin', I went and ate a can of your salmon. Now, I know you said eat the left-over pork chops, but they was kinda stiff. So, I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly and got you another can. You want me just to go on and put it in the cupboard?
Daisy Werthan:
[
embarrassed] Yes, that'll be fine... thank you, Hoke. Well, I guess I'd better get dressed now!
Daisy Werthan:
[
Hoke and Daisy are driving to Boolie and Florene's for a Christmas party. Daisy, a Jew, is annoyed at the extraneous Christmas light displays] Everybody's wishing the Georgia Power Company a Merry Christmas.
Hoke Colburn:
I bet Miss Florene got 'em all beat with the new house.
Daisy Werthan:
If I had a nose like Florene's, I wouldn't go around wishing anybody a Merry Christmas!
Hoke Colburn:
[
laughs] Yes'm... but, I tell ya, I do enjoy a Christmas at their house.
Daisy Werthan:
Of course, you're the only Christian in the place!
Hoke Colburn:
Well, they got that new cook.
Daisy Werthan:
[
sighs] Florene never could keep help. Of course, it's none of my affair. Too much running around, if you ask me.
[
Hoke agrees]
Daisy Werthan:
The Garden Club this, the Junior League that... as if any of them would give her the time of day! But, she'd die before she'd fix a glass of iced tea for the Temple Sisterhood!
Hoke Colburn:
[
coming up on Boolie's house, looking at the gaudy light display] Oh, Lord, look what Miss Florene done done!
Daisy Werthan:
If her grandfather, Old Man Freitag, could see this... what is it you always say?... he'd jump up out of his grave and snatch her bald-headed!
Hoke Colburn:
[
bursts out laughing as he lets Daisy out] HA! Jump up outta his grave and snatch her bald-headed! Miss Daisy, you oughta go on away from here!
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