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The Simpsons (TV Series 1989– ) Poster

(1989– )

Quotes

Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?

Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.

Marge: Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.

Homer: Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Homer: [after doing or saying something stupid] D'oh!

Elf: Welcome to Santa's Village, where it's Christmas everyday! Closed on Christmas.

Homer: Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.

Lisa: Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.

Marge: Homer, it's easy to criticize.

Homer: Fun, too.

Homer: Take that, Lisa's beliefs!

Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're risking my life to save your own.

Homer: Son, you'll understand one day, when you have kids.

Homer: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.

Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Mexico?

Bart: Lisa made me do it. She cast a witch's spell on me.

Lisa: It's spelled Wicca, and it's empowering.

Bart: Wicca is just a Hollywood fad.

Lisa: That's Kabbala, jerk.

Chief Wiggum: [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while

[Lisa is strangling Bart]

Homer: Lisa, no. Your hands are too weak.

[begins strangling Bart]

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Ned Flanders: You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.

Homer: Marge, can I go out and play?

Homer: Ahh, now to spend some quality time away from my family.

Homer: Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

Homer: [Comforting] There, there. Shut up boy.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, release the hounds.

Bart: Ay, carumba!

[repeated line]

Mr. Burns: Excellent.

Marge: There's no shame in being a pariah.

Krusty the Clown: You, sir, are an idiot.

Moe: Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.

Agnes Skinner: You failed, Seymour. What is it with you and failure?

Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

Homer: Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

Barney: I think we'd be all better off if each country had its own planet.

Marge: You should probably see a doctor about this...

Homer: OK.

Marge: [realizing] A competent doctor.

Homer: D'oh!

Bart: [slapping Lisa] Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby.

Homer: [slapping Bart] Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl.

Grampa: [slapping Homer] Keep your hands off of him Homer!

Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Principal Skinner: There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

Nelson: I feel like such a tool.

Homer: [to Marge] I toil not on ye Sabbath, Woman. A pox on thee!

Agnes Skinner: 'Nuff talk, it's smashin' time.

Homer: Hey, Weener Boy... where do you think you'e going?

Bart: Eat my shorts.

Homer: I see the light... it burns!

Bart: Don't have a cow, man.

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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