The Simpsons (1989– )
Marge: Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.
Homer: Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.
Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?
Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.
Elf: Welcome to Santa's Village, where it's Christmas everyday! Closed on Christmas.
Homer: [after doing or saying something stupid] D'oh!
Marge: Homer, it's easy to criticize.
Homer: Fun, too.
Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're risking my life to save your own.
Homer: Son, you'll understand one day, when you have kids.
Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Mexico?
Homer: Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.
Lisa: Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.
Chief Wiggum: [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while
[Lisa is strangling Bart]
Homer: Lisa, no. Your hands are too weak.
[begins strangling Bart]
Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
Homer: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.
Ned Flanders: You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.
Bart: Lisa made me do it. She cast a witch's spell on me.
Lisa: It's spelled Wicca, and it's empowering.
Bart: Wicca is just a Hollywood fad.
Lisa: That's Kabbala, jerk.
Homer: Ahh, now to spend some quality time away from my family.
Homer: Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.
Agnes Skinner: You failed, Seymour. What is it with you and failure?
Barney: I think we'd be all better off if each country had its own planet.
Bart: [slapping Lisa] Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby.
Homer: [slapping Bart] Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl.
Grampa: [slapping Homer] Keep your hands off of him Homer!
Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Principal Skinner: There's no justice like angry-mob justice.
Homer: Hey, Weener Boy... where do you think you'e going?
Marge: You should probably see a doctor about this...
Marge: [realizing] A competent doctor.
Homer: [to Marge] I toil not on ye Sabbath, Woman. A pox on thee!
Homer: Lisa's with writers, now. The happiest people in the World!
Marge: Not the swear jar! It's the only thing holding back the filth!
[Swear jar breaks]
Homer: You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not with it!
Grampa: I was with it once! And then they changed what it was! And now what's it seems weird and scary to me! And it'll happen to you!