Quotes

Mr. Burns: Smithers, release the hounds.

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Bart: Ay, carumba!

Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?

Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.

Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

Homer: Marge, can I go out and play?

Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work? You're late.

Homer: They said if I came in late again that I would get fired, and I can't risk that, so I'm not going.

Bart: Don't have a cow, man.

Barney: I think we'd be all better off if each country had its own planet.

Krusty the Clown: You, sir, are an idiot.

[repeated line]

Mr. Burns: Excellent.

Homer: Take that, Lisa's beliefs!

Homer: [to Marge] I toil not on ye Sabbath, Woman. A pox on thee!

Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're risking my life to save your own.

Homer: Son, you'll understand one day, when you have kids.

Marge: You should probably see a doctor about this...

Homer: OK.

Marge: [realizing] A competent doctor.

Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.

Lisa: Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.

Ned Flanders: You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.

Marge: Homer, it's easy to criticize.

Homer: Fun, too.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Bart: [slapping Lisa] Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby.

Homer: [slapping Bart] Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl.

Grampa: [slapping Homer] Keep your hands off of him Homer!

Homer: Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

Homer: [looking at a picture of refugees in a newspaper] Look at these refugees, Marge. Not even a smile.

Marge: They've undergone terrible hardships.

Homer: Well, moping won't help anything!

Chief Wiggum: [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while