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The Simpsons (TV Series 1989– ) Poster

(1989– )

Quotes

Lisa: Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?

Homer: Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Marge: Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.

Homer: Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.

Elf: Welcome to Santa's Village, where it's Christmas everyday! Closed on Christmas.

Marge: Homer, it's easy to criticize.

Homer: Fun, too.

Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're risking my life to save your own.

Homer: Son, you'll understand one day, when you have kids.

Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

Homer: Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.

Chief Wiggum: [shopping for his wife at a women's clothing store] My wife's looking for something that doesn't make her look like a horse, so, I'm gonna be here for a while

Homer: [after doing or saying something stupid] D'oh!

Homer: Take that, Lisa's beliefs!

Ned Flanders: You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down.

[Lisa is strangling Bart]

Homer: Lisa, no. Your hands are too weak.

[begins strangling Bart]

Homer: Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

Homer: [Comforting] There, there. Shut up boy.

Moe: Oh boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.

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Bart: Lisa made me do it. She cast a witch's spell on me.

Lisa: It's spelled Wicca, and it's empowering.

Bart: Wicca is just a Hollywood fad.

Lisa: That's Kabbala, jerk.

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Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Mexico?

Homer: Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.

Lisa: Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.

Krusty the Clown: You, sir, are an idiot.

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Homer: Ahh, now to spend some quality time away from my family.

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Homer: Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

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Mr. Burns: Smithers, release the hounds.

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Bart: Ay, carumba!

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Homer: Marge, can I go out and play?

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Barney: I think we'd be all better off if each country had its own planet.

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Bart: [slapping Lisa] Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby.

Homer: [slapping Bart] Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl.

Grampa: [slapping Homer] Keep your hands off of him Homer!

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Marge: There's no shame in being a pariah.

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Marge: Not the swear jar! It's the only thing holding back the filth!

[Swear jar breaks]

Marge: Nuttyfudgekins!

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[repeated line]

Mr. Burns: Excellent.

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Agnes Skinner: You failed, Seymour. What is it with you and failure?

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Bart: Eat my shorts.

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Krusty the Clown: Talk to the audience? Oh, this part is always death.

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Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

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Principal Skinner: There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

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Nelson: I feel like such a tool.

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Homer: Hey, Weener Boy... where do you think you'e going?

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Bart: Don't have a cow, man.

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Marge: You should probably see a doctor about this...

Homer: OK.

Marge: [realizing] A competent doctor.

Homer: D'oh!

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Homer: I see the light... it burns!

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Homer: Lisa's with writers, now. The happiest people in the World!

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Homer: You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not with it!

Grampa: I was with it once! And then they changed what it was! And now what I'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary to me! And it'll happen to you!

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Sideshow Mel: [dressed as a caveman with a bone through his green hair] My opinions are as valid as the next man's!

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Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, neighbourino!

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Scientist: Let's not listen.

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Homer: [Defending himself in Court] If these Celebrities didn't want people going through their garbage or saying they're Gay, they should not have expressed themselves creatively...

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Mr. Burns: [Giving a talk to inspire the school] Okay, I'm going to keep this short. Friends, family, religion. These are the demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Any questions?

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Homer: [to Marge] I toil not on ye Sabbath, Woman. A pox on thee!

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Agnes Skinner: 'Nuff talk, it's smashin' time.

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Homer: [Blundering into the Everyman Casting Session] Hello, can I have change for a dollar? Also, can I have a dollar?

Comic Book Guy: [Sees Homer as Everyman] You. Are. Acceptable!

Homer: Great, would you like to see me naked?

Hollywood Casting Lady: Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.

Homer: What movie?

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Krusty the Clown: We're going to drop him out of a helicopter and see what happens!

[Pats Mr. Teeny]

Krusty the Clown: Aw, don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you, Mr. Teeny Number 7.

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Homer: Hi Fat Tony! Still in the Mafia?

Fat Tony: Er, yes, Homer. Thanks for asking.

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Nurse: Dr. Nick, the Coroner would like to see you.

Dr. Nick Riviera: The Coroner! I'm so sick of that guy...

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Care Home Nurse: [having sabotaged a computer game system] Well excuse us for making the worst job in the World a little easier. The terrible pay, the constant presence of Death.

Lisa: But you can't stop them from having their fun!

Care Home Nurse: They should have had their fun before they got here!

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Principal Skinner: Mrs Krabappel is in Portland. It turns out the people she hired to deprogram her sister out of that Cult were an even worse Cult.

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Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

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Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a public servant, Seymour, I'm not allowed to use my own judgement in any way whatsoever.

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Crazy Person at the Homeless Shelter: That's the answer! Pawn to King's Bishop Three!

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Average Nuclear Plant Employee: I am the Angel of Death. Soon the Hour of Purification will be at hand.

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Mr. Burns: Smithers, get this malcontent an alienist!

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Homer: Moe, it seems to me that everytime I drink too much something like this always happens. Maybe I should...

Moe: [Cramming beer down Homer's throat] Yeah, take your medicine, you lush, ya.

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Care Home Resident: Take my room-mate away, he's dead!

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Homer: Lousy Smarch weather.

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Superintendent Chalmers: [On Grampa Simpson's advice, Bart has kissed Nikki] Today we are gathered to put a stop to something that would have been considered innocent 100 years ago, but which in today's litigious society has been blown completely out of proportion.

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Grampa: Ah, my first kiss! I remember it like it was yesterday!

[a thought bubble appears and fills up with static]

Grampa: Uh-oh.

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Comic Book Guy: That was from a Dream Sequence! It never really happened.

Bart: None of these things ever really happened!

Comic Book Guy: Get out of my Store!

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Kent Brockman: [in front of a mugshot of HRH Queen Elizabeth II] And the Queen will be held without bail until the sample is returned.

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Strawberry: We're getting married! Now when he talks to himself, it'll look like a conversation.

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Mrs Lovejoy: [the Parson is coming] Please try and relax.

Reverend Lovejoy: But he's like the Pope of this thing!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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