3.2/10
105
6 user 2 critic

Teen Vamp (1988)

| Comedy, Horror
Murphy is a horny high-school boy. He has a crush on the cute blonde Conny Sutton, but she just laughs into his face. So he decides to call on the services of a prostitute. Unfortunately he... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
The Reverend
...
Mrs. Murphy
Beau Bishop ...
Murphy
Angie Brown ...
Conny Sutton
Evans Dietz ...
Bucky Ryder
Edd Anderson ...
Dalbert Heiney
...
(as Jude Gerard)
Joey Terracina
Art Ruggles
David Lewis
Rose Smith
Mick Lane ...
Delbert Haney
Sherry Farmer
Ginger Folmer
Michele Kimpler
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Storyline

Murphy is a horny high-school boy. He has a crush on the cute blonde Conny Sutton, but she just laughs into his face. So he decides to call on the services of a prostitute. Unfortunately he happens upon a vampire and gets bitten, what makes him a vampire too. But actually that isn't so bad, since now he's not only cool enough to impress the chicks, he's also strong and can push around bully Bucky and pay him back. Only his mother isn't happy with his new self and asks a reverend to exorcize him. Written by Tom Zoerner <Tom.Zoerner@informatik.uni-erlangen.de>

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A deliciously wicked story of a boy and his teeth. See more »

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Comedy | Horror

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Aprendiz de vampiro  »

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User Reviews

 
Wow ...
23 April 2006 | by (New York, USA) – See all my reviews

This movie has about as much charisma as a small plastic soapdish from the dollar store. Even Clu Gulager as an over the top Midwestern minister cannot add much life though he gives it the college try. I sought it out for the presence of Angie Brown, an actress who made about five movies during the 1980's & then seems to have vanished off the face of the planet -- her other big film was the backwoods slasher DON'T GO IN THE WOODS. Here she plays the secretly psychotic love interest of a young schmuck or putzanoid nerd who turns into Fonzie after having a hotel room tryst with a hooker vampiress who's three minutes in the film are it's most interesting moments ... Until Ms. Brown starts going the psycho route (she isn't bad!) and a gym coach demands & gets 50 push-ups from his star football player turned vampire. Now THAT was new.

But I honestly don't know what to make of this film. The most expensive asset used in the production was the film stock it was shot on. The sets and costumes are all everyday pre-existing clothes or locations, the cast is made up of non-actors who were probably overjoyed to be in the production but didn't really do anything else afterward. The film purports to mix American Graffiti type 1950's period antics, 80's teen comedy movie formula convention (complete with actors in their mid 20s pretending to be 17 year old high schoolers), and of course the vampire angle. The idea had some potential, and the production was no doubt green-lighted after the unlikely success of the TEEN WOLF franchise. This movie was a product of greed, not artistic vision, and a perfect example of the home rental video age. Empty, disposable, forgettable, and over quickly enough so you can fit in three rentals of equally dismal garbage into one night of brain-dead viewing and not experience anything that might distract you from your life as a consumer.

The reason the film doesn't work is partly the plodding, uninteresting way it was filmd, and that the actor who got the lead role has about as much of a screen presence as the aforementioned soap dish. He starts the film looking and acting like an off-Broadway Potsie and is supposedly "changed" by his experience. Other than giving him an off-the rack leather jacket that doesn't quite fit (it's too big) and a greaser haircut, he doesn't look or act significantly different, coming across as a shrimp trying to act up the Jason Patric LOST BOYS part and unable to keep it up. The other commenter's assessment of the film's characters being unlikeable is also somewhat fitting. Not only do they fail to create enough interest for us to care about what might happen to them, they mostly come across as either fake character roles in a low-budget film, or losers who we actually would prefer to see bad things happen to. The problem with the film is that nothing really does happen to anyone, and in the end it appears to have simply been a Mastercard budget LOST BOYS ripoff with the added 50's period angle to make it appear different & tap into the "I WAS A TEENAGE WHATEVER" nostalgia. On paper it sounds kind of fun, but the execution is too plodding, pedestrian, lacking finesse and happy to be that way. It's not even bad enough to enjoy on a "bad movie" level, and ultimately just sort of sucks. The only reason to even consider seeing it would be due to it's complete obscurity. You won't find this on Netflix, and for some of us that is reason enough to give it a shot.

The film also has a curious agenda to it that strikes me as being somewhat queer-oriented. Nothing wrong with that, but aside from an extended image of "Bucky", the film's villain jock character, leaning stark naked against the wall in the boy's locker room shower (??) there is no nudity or sexual content in this vampire movie, and vampire movies are or should be about sex. Here is a movie that appears to be in the closet and has no sex, other than an extended image of an athletic 20 year old man's bared bottom -- Live it up, girls!! Mind you I have zero problem with Focus Group Horror catering to specific sects of viewers so this may indeed be a Gay Teen Vampire Horror/Comedy movie in disguise. The question is, was that the intent or just happened to have been the result? (DON'T GO IN THE WOODS also has an undeniably gay subtext to it, so I sense a linking theme implied here just by the presence of Ms. Brown). But since I don't care about the movie since it doesn't even care about itself the prospect of a subtextural agenda doesn't even become an intriguing prospect, only an annoying quirk to puzzle over. Without any charisma and generating no real interest the film remains a relic of the 1980s video rental boom years which is where it should probably remain. I don't dislike the film yet I cannot recommend it either, merely note it's existence. And that's kind of a shame: the premise is interesting but the way it was executed isn't.

3/10. "Anemic."


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