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Scrooged (1988) Poster

(1988)

Quotes

Frank Cross: It's Christmas Eve! It's... it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we... we... we smile a little easier, we... w-w-we... we... we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be!

Lew Hayward: I was a captain of industry; feared by men, adored by women.

Frank Cross: Adored! Come on, let's be honest, Lew. You *paid* for the women!

James Cross: You know what they say about people who treat other people bad on the way up?

Frank Cross: Yeah, you get to treat 'em bad on the way back down too. It's great, you get two chances to rough 'em up.

[Props man tries to attach antlers to a mouse]

Props man: I can't get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don't work.

Frank Cross: Did you try staples?

Frank Cross: The bitch hit me with a toaster!

Earl Cross: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work... 'My back hurts,' 'my legs ache,' 'I'm only four!' The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better!

Ghost of Christmas Present: [repeating the question] On the "Addams Family", what instrument did Lurch play?

Frank Cross: I may be invisible, but I am *not deaf!*

Claire Phillips: Taxi! Can you get me to the IBC building in three minutes?

Ghost of Christmas Past: Which floor?

[after pouring a bucket of water on a waiter he thought was on fire]

Frank Cross: I'm sorry. You know I thought you were Richard Pryor!

Frank Cross: Would you *please*, for the love of *god*, and your own body!, stop the damn hammering?

Frank Cross: I am the youngest president in the history of television for a reason: I know the people.

Elliot: Well, uh... granted but the people already wanna watch the show.

Frank Cross: [a pause; shouting] That isn't good enough! They have got to be so scared to miss it! So terrified!

[Quieter tone]

Frank Cross: Now if I were in charge, and I am.

[laughs. IBC Executive laughs along with him but Frank looks at him and he shuts up]

Frank Cross: Perhaps I can help you. Here's the kind of thing I would have done. Grace, cue it up.

[Frank stands in front of the screens. Thunder sounds and ominous music start playing]

Scrooge Promo Announcer: Acid rain.

[Images and sounds of people screaming; Frank makes a screaming face]

Scrooge Promo Announcer: Drug addictions.

[Shows a guy groaning and shooting up on heroin. Scene changes to a jet taking off]

Scrooge Promo Announcer: International terrorism.

[Jet blows up in midair. Scene changes to a guy pulling a shotgun out of a car]

Scrooge Promo Announcer: Freeway killers.

[Guy with shotgun fires]

Scrooge Promo Announcer: Now more than ever...

Frank Cross: [Speaking along with announcer] It is important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

Scrooge Promo Announcer: Don't miss Charles Dickens' immortal classic Scrooge. Your life...

Frank Cross: [Speaking along with announcer] ... might just depend on it.

[Promo holds on the image of a nuclear explosion. Frank takes a sip of coffee and looks at the executives]

Frank Cross: Not bad, huh?

[last lines]

James Cross: My brother, the king of Christmas!

Frank Cross: I want to see her nipples.

Censor Lady: But this is a CHRISTMAS show.

Frank Cross: Well, I'm sure Charles Dickens would have wanted to see her nipples.

Carpenter: You can barely see them nipples.

Frank Cross: See? And these guys are REALLY looking.

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Ghost of Christmas Past: Let's face it, Frank. Garden slugs got more out of life than you.

Frank Cross: Yeah? Name one!

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Frank Cross: I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives.

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[Frank is confronted by the ghost of his old boss]

Frank Cross: No, you are a hallucination brought on by alcohol... Russian vodka poisoned by Chernobyl!

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Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes you have to *slap* them in the face just to get their attention!

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Ghost of Christmas Present: You know I like the rough stuff, don't you, Frank?

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The Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh, what is this, Frank? Oh, oh look, Frank! It's a toaster!

[hits him in the forehead with the toaster]

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Frank Cross: Hey. Are you glad to see me, or is this a shotgun in your pocket?

[toss gun away; it fires]

Frank Cross: All right, you've heard it. How's this for a deal? I hire you back, pay you twice your original salary, and offer you a vice president position. Would you like my office?

Elliot: No, I don't like your office.

Frank Cross: That's SO YOU!

Elliot: What's the catch?

Frank Cross: The catch...

[sniffs]

Frank Cross: ...is that you need to shower, little man. You are RIPE! Whoo!

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Frank Cross: Quick! What time is it?

Elliot: Somebody stole my watch!

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Ghost of Christmas Past: Go back to Jersey, you moron!

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Herman: Boy, that Dick sure knows how to drink, huh?

Frank Cross: Why do you keep calling me "Dick"?

Herman: I'm sorry, Mr. Burton, I guess we don't know you well enough yet to call you Dick.

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Frank Cross: The Jews taught me this great word: Schmuck. I was a schmuck, and now I'm not a schmuck!

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Frank Cross: I'm gonna give you a little advice, Claire... Scrape 'em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself!

Claire Phillips: Oh, well, that's a really nice attitude on Christmas Eve!

Frank Cross: Bah, humbug.

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Frank Cross: I get it. You're here to show me my past, and I'm supposed to get all dully-eyed and mushy. Well, forget it, pal, you got the wrong guy!

Ghost of Christmas Past: That's exactly what Attila the Hun said. But when he saw his mother... Niagara Falls!

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Ghost of Christmas Past: Niagara Falls, Frankie Angel.

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Frank Cross: Grace, put yourself down for a towel, too.

Grace: What about my bonus?

Frank Cross: Towel and a facecloth.

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Elliot: Hello, IBC program room.

Preston: This is Rhinelander. Who's the idiot that put that nut on the air?

Elliot: Oh, uh, Brice Cummings is the idiot, sir, but uh... he can't talk to you right now because he's sorta tied up. Uh-huh. Oh, in fact, he just said that you were a flatulating butthead?

Preston: A butthead?

Elliot: He said he never felt that way about a man before, but you really looked good in a suit.

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Frank Cross: Would you please hold the goddamn hammering, now!

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Frank Cross: You've got a promo featuring America's favorite old fart reading a book in front of a fireplace! Now I have to kill all of you!

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[Frank notices a picture of Santa and Mrs. Claus on the wall]

Frank Cross: Grace, what in the hell is this?

Grace: Oh, it's a painting, one of my kids did. See, there's Santa Claus and there's Mrs. Claus.

Frank Cross: Honey, how many fingers does Mrs. Santa Claus have here?

Grace: Eleven.

Frank Cross: Eleven. Right.

[rips it down]

Frank Cross: It's crap. Lose it. I don't want it on the wall.

[tosses it in the wastebasket]

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[Elliot points a shotgun right in Frank's face]

Elliot: Hello, wabbit!

Frank Cross: Could you give me a head start?

Elliot: Sure. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three!

[he fires]

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Daughter: Mom, when are we gonna get a real Christmas tree?

Grace: When they're free!

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Frank Cross: Get me Standards and Practices in here. I want to see wreaths!

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Frank Cross: Do you think I'm way off base here?

Elliot: Yes. You're, well, you're a tad off base, sir. That thing looked like The Manson Family Christmas Special!

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Frank Cross: Claire, the whole world. Whole world, Claire.

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[Ghost of Christmas Past takes Frank to 1955]

Frank Cross: Where are we?

Ghost of Christmas Past: Where are we? You mean, "When are we?"

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Frank Cross: [to the abstract/impressionist portrait on the wall] Mother... help me.

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Frank Cross: I'm alive! Yes! I'm *alive*!

Elliot: [aims a shotgun at Frank] Not for long!

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Lew Hayward: I don't mind you shooting at me, Frank, but take it easy on the Bacardi!

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Frank Cross: You're staying here with me. We're working late.

Grace: But I have to take my son to the doctor.

Frank Cross: GRACE! When I work late, YOU work late!

Grace: But I made the appointment two months ago!

Frank Cross: [Inconsiderately] I DON'T CARE!

Frank Cross: [grabbing Grace]

Frank Cross: We're indivisible. If I'm working late, you GOTTA work late! If you can't work late, I can't work late! If I can't work late, I CAN'T WORK LATE!

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Ghost of Christmas Present: Close your eyes...! And think of snowflakes and moonbeams and whiskers on kittens...

[She notices Frank peeking and goes to jab his eys with two fingers]

Ghost of Christmas Present: Nooooo peeking!

[Frank blocks the jab and closes his eyes]

Ghost of Christmas Present: Of rainbows, forget-me-nots... of misty meadows and sun-dappled pools. Oh, look! There's Mr Hedgehog. I wonder where he's going? Perhaps to HARLEM!

[She punches Frank]

Frank Cross: My jaw!

Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes the truth is painful, Frank.

[She slaps his face]

Ghost of Christmas Present: But it's made your cheeks rosy and your eyes bright!

Frank Cross: If you TOUCH ME AGAlN, I'll rip your goddamned wings off! Okay?

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Frank Cross: [Screams and accidentally hits Grace] Oh God! Oh God! Grace, go watch the show! He's here for me! Come on! Come on! Give it to me!

[falls to knees]

Frank Cross: You think I'm afraid of you, the day I've had? I know what you came for. Come and get it, you pussy.

Fake Ghost of Christmas Future: Brice!

Brice Cummings: [Getting the Fake Ghost away from Frank, who's obviously been scared by him] Stop scaring Frank. Get this nutcake out.

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Ghost of Christmas Past: It's a bone, you lucky dog!

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Ghost of Christmas Past: You left Claire for Frisbee the dog? Frank, let me sum this up for you: you don't know who you are, you don't know what you want, and you don't know what the hell is going on!

Frank Cross: I've made a few mistakes. I gotta live with that. But I do know who I am, I know what I want, and I know what's going on!

Ghost of Christmas Past: [the Ghost has disappeared into a monitor, and whistles to get his attention] Hey, Frank! Up here!

Frank Cross: What's going on?

Ghost of Christmas Past: How should I know? I'm just the ghost! So long, sucker!

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Frank Cross: Same old Claire... still trying to save the world.

Claire Phillips: You still trying to run it?

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Frank Cross: We're gonna need champagne for 250 people, and send the stuff that you send to me. Don't send the stuff that I send to other people.

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Claire Phillips: Why are you so angry?

Frank Cross: Why haven't you learned how to button a coat?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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