Eddie: [Reading Michael's birthday card] Happy birthday, Michael, you lucky son-of-a-bitch. Many happy returns. Love, Melissa.
Eddie: [Tosses card] Cunt.
Melissa: [to Tina] Hey, Tina.
[Nick appears wearing a big fat jacket on backwards]
Melissa: This how they wear their jackets back at the mental hospital?
[Tina gets mad and snaps Melissa's pearl necklace with her telekinesis]
Nick: Melissa, just stay here with us
Melissa: It's not my style
Nick: DON'T GO OUT THERE!
Melissa: [Right before Jason appears at the door and axes her right in the face] FUCK YOU! NO, THE FUCK YOU BOTH!
Judy: I'm cold
Dan: Why don't we crawl in the sack?
Judy: Why don't you fix the fire?
Dan: There's no wood.
Judy: We're in a forest!
Melissa: Eddie... Eddie! This isn't going to work out.
Melissa: I lied.
Eddie: About what?
Melissa: About everything, you just don't turn me on. Really. But c'mon, at least I gave you a chance. you just didn't come through. Besides, I was kind of hoping Nick would come back and find you with me.
Eddie: Why'd you lie?
Melissa: You know, make him jealous.
Eddie: Fine. Rejection. I can take it, I've been rejected by some of the finest science fiction magazines in the continent of the united states!
Melissa: Edddie! Where are you going?
Eddie: To take a cold shower, I've got a date with a soap on a rope!
Russell: If this is my uncle's house, why are WE sleeping in the van?
Sandra: Who says we're sleeping?
Melissa: Hey Nick, you still mad at me?
Nick: What was that crap you pulled on Tina?
Melissa: That chicks crazy. Besides, all is fair in love and war.
Nick: Melissa, I don't even like you.
Melissa: LIKE, has nothing to do with it.
Eddie: [Opening Michael's presents and reading the box] "Personal Penis Enlarger"
[pulls out a magnifying glass]
Narrator: There's a legend around here. A killer buried, but NOT dead. A curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse. Jason Voorhees' curse. They say he died as a boy, but he keeps coming back. Few have seen him and lived. Some have even tried to stop him. NO ONE can.
Russell: When did you first fall in love with me?
Sandra: The first time I saw the enormous size of your beautiful... wallet.
Sandra: [while skinny-dipping] You need a formal invitation? Russell party for two, right this way please.
[Michael and Jane are standing on the side of the road next to a broken down car]
Michael: Piece of shit!
Jane: When's the last time you put oil in that thing?
Robin: So he says, ?Let me see your I.D.? and I'm like, ?I left it at home.? And he goes, ?You have to go and get it.? So I said, ?Okay? and I left.
Melissa: [after Nick calms down Tina] You are nuts!
Nick: Shut up, Melissa.
Melissa: I don't believe you. You people give me the creeps.
Nick: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
Melissa: I'm going back to bed. You wanna come?
Melissa: [walks in the kitchen] Now there's a guy I'd love to throw a surprise party for... Hi, I'm Melissa.
Tina Shepard: I'm Tina, from next door.
Melissa: [snotty] I KNOW!
Russell: Maddy, who's friend is that scuzball dope head?
Melissa: Only the birthday boys best friend!
Maddy: [grabbing Melissa's necklace] Melissa those are so pretty, they are absolutely gorgeous, are they real?
David: [walks into the kitchen] What a stupid place to put a lamp.
Melissa: There real! On my birthday, my daddy says to me "Melissa, you are the perfect daughter, and he gives me these and says, to the best little girl in the whole world"
Kate: [Having sex in their van] What was that?
Ben: What was what?
Kate: [van shakes] That!
Ben: God, it's probably Michael.
Kate: Oh what timing.
Ben: [van continues to shake] Okay, okay buddy you hear us in here, stop shaking the van!
Kate: Quick, grab a balloon.
Ben: Yeah, right! Happy fucking birthday!
Russell: Russell: What is this?
[Russell coming into the kitchen with his girlfriend Sandra in tow who is looking slack jawed at the mess and looks at Russell nervously]
Russell: Russell: Will you look at this.
[Russell gesturing at the mess and walks around the counter]
Russell: Russell: The party hasn't even started yet and already this place looks like closing time of the stock exchange.
Sandra: [Sandra follows Russell around the counter and looks at the mess some more and then looks at Russell ringing her hands nervously] Sandra: Russ honey will clean it up I promise.
Robin: [Robin joins in the conversation and looks at Russell] Robin: Yeah chill out Brooks Brothers!
Russell: [Russell looks at Sandra] Russell: But their eating my uncle's food!
[Russell turns and looks at the other two girls Robin and Maddy and Sandra looks at them as well looking like she feels bad]
Russell: Russell: We're supposed to bring our own food!
[Russell signs and looks back to Sandra]
Russell: Russell: He's gonna shit!
Melissa: [Tina is getting her suitcase out of the trunk while Melissa and Sandra watch while they are sunning themselves] Nice outfit looks like her mom dressed her.
[Melissa says with contempt]
[Sandra says in a scolding manner like she thought it was a mean thing for her friend to say and was standing up for Tina]
Kate: [Kate, Sandra and Maddy are making Sish Kabobs on the propane grill outside the one morning] Oh did you cut the the tomatoes?
Sandra: [Sandra looks up at Kate and smiles and nods] Yeah. There all done. Looks great.
[Sandra smiles again and asks Kate in a hushed tone]
Sandra: What happened with you and Ben?
Kate: [Kate gets a irritated look thinking about it] He blew me off to go out with Eddie. I can't believe he lied to me.