Big Time (1988)
Tom Waits: Things got a little snooty downtown here today. I was on one those streets that, you know, you know the ones. Okay? I walked into a hotel, I knew somebody stayed in the hotel. I walked into the hotel. I said, "Listen, could you direct me to the elevators?" The guy said, "You mean, the elevators to the rooms?" I said, "No, the elevator to Hell. Of course I mean the elevators to the rooms!"
Tom Waits: I think the question I get asked the most is, well I dunno know, it happens a lot, enough that I would remark on it - a lot of people come up to me and they say "Is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse?" My answer's always the same, I say: "Listen. We're gonna have to go all the way back to the civil war. Apparently a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and then lodged itself in the ovaries of an 18 year old girl who was actually 100 feet from him at the time. Well, the baby was fine. She was very happy. Guilt-free. Course, the soldier's a little pissed off." When ya think about it, it's actually a form of intercourse, but not for everyone. Those who love action, maybe.
Tom Waits: [revealing a row of watches on his arm] Hey, you almost missed the show! You need a watch. Paris, France, Tokyo, Hong Kong, the Sudan. Know what I'm sayin'? Step this way... step this way please!
Tom Waits: I saw a place just outside on Western, a place that sells 'used erotica'. Think about it... do they clean it? Who cleans it? Are they licensed? All these questions came to my head... how used is it? Who used it? You follow me...