Beverly Hills Vamp (1989) User Reviews

Came for the birds, bored by the nerds.

[BA_Harrison · 3/10 · 30 July 2021]

Director Fred Olen Ray is from the same school of film-making as Jim Wynorski (and Russ Meyer before that), where it doesn't matter how terrible the script is just as long as there are plenty of big-breasted, scantily clad women. Beverly Hills Vamp features the likes of B-movie babes Michelle Bauer and Debra Lamb as sexy vampires, but the ladies aren't the focus of the film, Ray placing the spotlight on über-nerd actor Eddie Deezen instead.

Deezen plays geeky scriptwriter Kyle, who travels to Hollywood with pals Russell (Tom Shell) and Brock (Tim Conway Jr.) to try and make a movie; while in 'Tinseltown', the trio attempt to get laid at a brothel where the hookers are actually vampires. Russell and Brock get bitten, leaving Kyle to try and save his pals before they join the ranks of the undead for good.

The awful script pads out the run-time with pointless exchanges of dialogue and plenty of obvious innuendo, Deezen's ultra-nerdy performance proving extremely irritating throughout. Even appearances from the likes of Robert Quarry and Britt Ekland cannot help save the film from utter awfulness - on the contrary, both are terrible, in keeping with the general standard of the whole production.

Boring garbage

[Groverdox · 3/10 · 14 January 2019]

"Beverly Hills Vamp" is a movie made by Fred Olen Ray after the "success" of his cult flick "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers".

"Vamp" is basically just a retread with vampire hookers instead of chainsaw ones.

The hero is not a private eye in this one. He's a nerd with an irritating high pitched voice. What was the point of having him talk like that? As if we don't get right away that he's supposed to be a nerd.

Ray stalwart Michelle Bauer is in it.

The movie is nowhere near as fun as "Chainsaw Hookers". There is too much dialogue, none of which is entertaining or well written. In one scene, the nerd is in a hotel room and the maid shows up for service. He won't leave so that she can clean the room. She agrees to go away and come back. She does. He's still there. You can clean the room now, the nerd says. I'm on my break, says the maid. End of scene.

I'm not sure if the last part of that was supposed to be funny, or if I just expected some kind of a punchline to justify the inclusion of the maid in the story. That scene adds absolutely nothing to the movie.

Whereas no one is going to nominate him for an Oscar any time soon, Fred Olen Ray is nevertheless overrated in b-movie circles. Fans of cult cinema know his name, despite most of his movies being boring garbage. This one is no exception.

Beverly Hills Vamp

[Scarecrow-88 · 5/10 · 26 November 2010]

Goofy vampire comedy from director Fred Olen Ray has Eddie Deezen as an unlikely hero(as he was in TEENAGE EXORCIST)needing to save his pals from Madam Britt Ekland's bloodsucking hookers(including the luscious Michele Bauer). Eddie is a screenplay writer, Tim Conway Jr. a director, Tom Shell a camera operator, all hoping lackluster movie producer Jay Richardson(dressed as Crockett from Miami Vice)will help produce their love story script. When they are given instructions to work on another movie project(Motorcycle Sluts from Hell, I believe was the title!), the trio decide to visit a brothel, where they encounter Ekland's vampire whores. Eddie, loyal to his girlfriend back home, Molly(Brigitte Burdine), is able to evade the vampire bite, but his friends aren't so lucky. So Eddie will convince Jay to help him combat the vampires(which results in Jay unable to fire a gun prop used in another movie)with help from the expertise of priest Robert Quarry on how to defeat them(through the usual means, holy water, stake through the heart, crucifixes). I think the best comedy derives from a phone conversation between Quarry and Richardson over how to kill the vampire with a stake with the obvious sex humor "subtly" implied as they talk about penetration and thrust. Dawn Wildsmith has a brief appearance as Richardson's secretary, more concerned with her nails than her abilities in the office. Richardson seems to spoofing a B-movie Hollywood producer, obviously more interested in titillation and nudity than performance and story. Lots of dialogue zingers poking fun at vampire movies and the genre as a whole. Everyone seems to be having a good time, but it doesn't have a high rating on the IMDb, so I reckon the sentiment wasn't felt from the audience at large. Deezen yucks it up with his animated face and nerdy persona, Fred Olen Ray depending on plenty of sound effects to bounce off his star when he comes in contact with hot chicks at Ekland's brothel. Amusing work from Ralph Lucas as Ekland's daylight "protector", butler Balthazar, who is very open about his sexuality, coming out of the closet and looking for action as Deezen comments about not being interested in the girls. The special effects consist of those vampires harmed engulfed with a glow before disintegrating when a crucifix is applied to their skin, stake plunged through the heart, or holy water poured over them.

Awful, awful film.

[StlBlade · 1 March 2001]

This movie tries to be as bad as "Dinosaur Island" but only sucks as bad as "The Phantom Empire" The excuse for a plotline plods along, the acting is reminiscent of the 2 by 4 in the wall to my left, and the camera work isn't working at all, my etch-a-sketch showed more talent and innovation even when I left it untouched. The script tries to have a constant stream of jokes, but none of them hits the mark, not even the one they stole from "Leisure Suit Larry". The only good thing about this film is all the nekkid chicks, but we only see them for about 10 minutes altogether out of an hour and a half running time. The rest of the time is spent watching 3 total nerds do nerdish things. The 'plot' follows the 3 nerds that go to Hollywood to try and get their movie made, get shot down immediately and then decide to buy some hookers. The hookers turn out to be vampires and they spend the last hour running about trying to kill the nerds, who are of course trying to escape.

If you like the "So bad it's good" style of film making, then this film isn't for you. If you like genuinely good films, then this film isn't for you, either. Now if you into wasting your time with mind numbing drivel, then this is the perfect film for you.

Moronic But Harmless No-Budget Hollywood Vampire Hookers Comedy

[ShootingShark · 5/10 · 14 February 2009]

Kyle, Brock and Russell are three aspiring filmmakers new in Hollywood. They phone up an escort ad and take a trip to a Beverly Hills mansion, but unfortunately for them the call girls turn out to be fiendish vixens of the undead …

This is an enjoyable enough no-brainer of the kind Ray managed to crank out every few months in his heyday. As long as you don't mind Deezen's schtick - which is harmless and affable - there are some funny moments, busty babes and amusingly scene-chewing performances. Ray deserves kudos for convincing Ekland to appear, Quarry (old Count Yorga himself) is goofy as a priest-wannabe-screenwriter, Bauer in a beautiful red dress should put starch in any man's strides, and Ray's wife Wildsmith is an airhead secretary. Written as a sideline by Ernest D. Farino (a top-notch effects man), with some witty dialogue; my favourite line is when Lamb gets an oversize stake through the pump and croaks, "My, that's a big one.". As with most of Ray's films, there's a pleasing rinky-dink keyboard score by the talented Chuck Cirino. If like me you have an affection for scuzzy little independent movies made by hacks, this is a pleasant enough time-filler.

20 year old review nailed it. This is not so bad its good, nor is it good. Just terrible.

[travinitrav · 2/10 · 11 March 2021]

Pretty typical of Fred Olen Ray and all the crap that was produced by small studios in the late 80's for the home video market. In fact it looks like it was shot on video. Either that or 8mm film and converted poorly to video.

There is no plot. The writing is absolutely horrible but that doesn't matter because none of the actors can act. In fact most of the girls were Playmates pulled in at low cost to help the movie sell purely on the babe factor. If you had Cinemax in the 90's you've seen tons of these movies. This one is especially bad. It lacks the ridiculous amount of hot girls the other films manage to collect, it lacks the cheesiness factor of a good Joe Bob Briggs presentation, and theres a lot of long drawn out shots scattered about to pad the run time. Even for fans of the genre there really isn't anything here. I recommend avoiding it unless you absolutely have to see another cheap movie with lesser-known nude models.

Great movie

[[e-mail] · 10/10 · 1 April 2006]

I would like to say that i find Beverly Hills Vamp a great movie especially with Jillian Kesner in it. She makes me hot like butter and i always liked films with female vampires in it. You could say it's one of my weaknesses.

Too bad we didn't see more of it, and that she died so soon. A sequel would be in its place.

Furthermore would I like to say that even if it wasn't always of a high level, it gave me some laughs now and then. And what's wrong with a film where guys, nerds or otherwise, go looking for hookers. Everybody has his preferences and it's a great movie for those who have wet dreams about female vampire hookers.

Amusing Z-level comedy

[lor_ · 4 May 2023]

My review was written in October 1989 after watching the movie on Vidmark video cassette.

A pleasant addition to the overworked vampire comedy genre, "Beverly Hills Vamp" is of special interest to industryites by virtue of its non-stop stream of in-jokes parodying the world of low-budget filmmaking.

Helmer Fred Olen Ray, who has bootstrapped his way to prominence in the field of quickie production, pokes fun at himself as well in a film free of the bitterness usually associated with backstage efforts.

Eddie Deezen toplines in his familiar nerd role as a guy who survives an evening with vampire call girls that, however, takes the lives of his two chums, Tim Conway Juniot and Tom Shell. Viewer is taken on a Cook's tour of Hollywood, notably the milieu of producer Aaron Pendleton, who specializes in exploitation movies. Deezen's girlfriend, Brigitte Burdine, shows up to help him combat Britt Ekland, the vampire who runs a BevHills brothel.

With Michelle Bauer, Debra Lamb and Jillian Kesner providing the pulchritude, easy-to-take pic has some clever moments for the fans, including Robert Quarry making fun of his revered "Count Yorga" character. Vampire lore is handled inconsistently, but there are good special effects by Bret Mixon when the creatures disintegrate.

Beatlemania crosses paths with Peter Sellers's career (including a vampire) for the second time

[lee_eisenberg · 10/10 · 17 February 2013]

First, you have to realize that Fred Olen Ray's "Beverly Hills Vamp" is NOT intended to be taken seriously, so if you watch it and end up complaining that it's "mind-numbing drivel" (to quote the previous reviewer), then you totally missed the point. The whole point is to be silly and show scantily clad babes, as Ray also did with "Evil Toons" and "Teenage Exorcist". With the presence of Eddie Deezen (who played the chatterbox Beatlemaniac in Robert Zemeckis's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and the obnoxious ventriloquist in Steven Spielberg's "1941"), you know that you're in for something zany.

What I mean by the link to Peter Sellers and the Beatles is a loose connection. Britt Ekland was one of the many blonde sexpots of the '60s. She was married to Sellers for a few years. Peter Sellers co-starred with Ringo Starr in "The Magic Christian", a mockery of the British class system. Christopher Lee appears briefly in the movie as a vampire. Years later, Eddie Deezen appeared in Zemeckis's movie as a man modeling himself on Ringo. That's the connection.

Anyway, this is a movie that you just have to accept as totally silly. That's all that it is: nice, silly fun with a lot of hot babes.

I'd bed Britt Ekland any day.