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Episodes cast for
"The New Statesman" (1987) More at IMDbPro »

Season: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | unknown
Year: 1987 | 1988 | 1989 | 1990 | 1991 | 1992 | 1994


Season 1


Season 1, Episode 1: Happiness Is a Warm Gun

13 September 1987
In the first episode of this hilarious new political comedy ...

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
Rowena Cooper ... Norman Bormann (as R.R. Cooper)

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Vivien Heilbron ... Beatrice Protheroe
John Nettleton ... Sir Stephen Baxter

Peter Sallis ... Sidney Bliss

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

John Woodvine ... Sir Malachi Jellicoe
Nick Stringer ... Crippen
John Carlin ... House of Commons Speaker
Donald Nithsdale ... Bishop
Alan Starkey ... Mayor
Brian Horstead ... Ginsburg
Bernard Alexander ... House of Commons Policeman
David F. Betts ... Policeman 1
Charlie Burman ... Policeman 2
David Sutch ... Himself (as Screaming Lord Sutch)

Season 1, Episode 2: Passport to Freedom

20 September 1987
Alan's wife, Sarah, inherits a million pounds....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
Rowena Cooper ... Norman Bormann (as R.R. Cooper)

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Vivien Heilbron ... Beatrice Protheroe

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Nick Stringer ... Crippen
Serena Gordon ... Victoria
Brigitte Kahn ... Ground Hostess
David Simeon ... P.C. Austin
John Carlin ... House of Commons Speaker
Geoff Oldham ... Conservative Minister

Season 1, Episode 3: Sex Is Wrong

27 September 1987
Alan realises that joining a moral crusade....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
Vivien Heilbron ... Beatrice Protheroe
John Nettleton ... Sir Stephen Baxter

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Isabelle Amyes ... Lady Virginia
Tara Moran ... Young Conservative

Season 1, Episode 4: Waste Not Want Not

4 October 1987
Tory MP Alan B'Stard's dirty dealings have finally caught up with him ...

Season 1, Episode 5: Friends of St. James

11 October 1987
Alan organises a parliamentary fact-finding expedition....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
Rowena Cooper ... Norman Bormann (as R.R. Cooper)

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Trevor Laird ... Lance Okum-Martin
William Simons ... Catchpole

Angus MacInnes ... Captain Hirsch
Steffanie Pitt ... Cyndy
Neville Phillips ... Headmaster
John Fitzgerald Jay ... Co-Pilot (as John Jay)
Chris Tummings ... Police Sergeant
John Carlin ... House of Commons Speaker

Season 1, Episode 6: Three Line Whipping

18 October 1987
Alan is booked to appear on TVAM to discuss an important by-election result....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
John Nettleton ... Sir Stephen Baxter

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Nick Stringer ... Crippen

Patrick Godfrey ... Chief Whip
Tim Stern ... Cabbie
Steve Nallon ... Mrs. Thatcher (as Stephen Nallon)
John Ringham ... Police Commander
Noel Coleman ... Judge
Richard Ireson ... Inspector Radford
Amanda Walker ... Mrs. Selway
Judith Hibbert ... Chantelle
Jayne Irving ... Herself

Paul Butterworth ... Floor Manager
Howard Lee ... Patrolman
George Phillips ... Ambulanceman
Christopher Gray ... Mrs. Thatcher's Detective
Nick Owen ... Himself (uncredited)

Season 1, Episode 7: Baa Baa Black Sheep

25 October 1987
Alan's hateful father-in-law, Roland Gidleigh-Park, threatens to have Alan thrown out ...

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard
Rowena Cooper ... Norman Bormann

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard

Charles Gray ... Roland Gidleigh-Park
John Nettleton ... Sir Stephen Baxter

William Hootkins ... Willoughby Guzzler
Diana Weston ... Edie Guzzler
Hubert Rees ... Goronwy Hopkins

Adam Wide ... Policeman

Season 1, Episode 8: Alan B'Stard Closes Down the BBC

6 March 1988
In a special edition recorded for the Comic Relief charity telethon B'stard bullies prime minister Margaret Thatcher's secretary into granting him an audience with the Iron Lady. When he meets her he confirms her view that the BBC television stations are run by hard Left extremists intent on ruining the country and persuades her to have the BBC closed down. He then makes a call to Michael Grade, head of the rival Channel 4 TV station, who has promised him his own show if he can get rid of the opposition to tell him his mission is accomplished.

Season 2


Season 2, Episode 1: Fatal Extraction

15 January 1989
During a television debate Alan B'Stard MP, Member for Haltemprice, falls foul of fellow panelist Georgina Pitt, militant leader of Hackney Council....

Season 2, Episode 2: Live from Westminster

22 January 1989
Parliament has gone prime time with the introduction of television cameras into the Commons....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
John Nettleton ... Sir Stephen Baxter
Duncan Preston ... Floor Manager
Steve Nallon ... Mrs Thatcher
Nicholas Parsons ... Himself
Roger Kitter ... Himself
Alan Downer ... Minister
Victor Lucas ... Mr Speaker
Colin Wyatt ... Stage Hand
Charmian May ... Game Show Producer

Natasha Gray ... Make Up Girl
Erick Ray Evans ... Hugo
John Segal ... Clive
Peter Spraggon ... Policeman at No 10
Lynda Lee Lewis ... Game Show Hostess
Berwick Kaler ... Jeffrey Dicquead (uncredited)

Season 2, Episode 3: The Wapping Conspiracy

29 January 1989
Always eager to help improve the minds of the young ...

Season 2, Episode 4: The Haltemprice Bunker

5 February 1989
Thrusting his way through the lobby of anti-Nazi protesters....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Stephen Fry ... Piers Lonsdale
William Merrow ... Helmut Drucker
Helen Lederer ... Radio Presenter

Hugh Laurie ... Waiter
Allan Larenzo ... Manager

Adam Wide ... Pickles
Berwick Kaler ... Geoff Dicquead

Andy Serkis ... Peter Moran
Patricia Samuels ... Female Protester
Jim Brogan ... Beggar

Season 2, Episode 5: California Here I Come

12 February 1989
When parliament's man of the moment, Alan B'Stard, flies to California....

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Lou Hirsch ... Houghton Mifflin

Julianne White ... Donna Nightingale
Mac McDonald ... Sheriff
William Sleigh ... Castro
Lewis Hancock ... Elevator Attendant

Season 2, Episode 6: May the Best Man Win

19 February 1989
When Piers announces he is getting married to someone ...

Season 2, Episode 7: Piers of the Realm

26 February 1989
It must be a blue moon because Alan B'Stard is holding....

Season 2, Episode 8: Who Shot Alan B'Stard?

14 January 1990
B'stard recovers in hospital in time to cast the deciding commons vote to bring back capital punishment and even gains the contract to have the new gallows built. Sarah rightly guesses that the supposed assassination attempt was a fraud and that B'stard had bet that hanging would be restored, gaining a sizeable cash sum. When B'stard promotes a new charity Sarah teams up with TV chat show host Kerry Grout to expose him at the same time that Piers discovers how the fake assassination was carried out but unfortunately kills Kerry whilst demonstrating it. B'stard is charged with the murder and is hung on the gallows but, since the contractor he hired used balsa wood and not mahogany, it collapses. This is seen as an act of God and he receives a free pardon as a result.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Terence Alexander ... Sir Greville McDonald
David Beale ... Mr. Speaker
Michael Bilton ... Sir William Horsey QC
Paul Birchard ... Ximenes
Peter Blake ... Kerry Grout
Geoffrey Chater ... Justice Saunders
Dickie Davies ... Himself
Janine Duvitski ... Interpreter
Roger Grainger ... Usher
Alan Hardwick ... Newscaster
Tom Harrison ... Vicar
Berwick Kaler ... Jeff Dicquead
John McCririck ... Himself
Steve Nallon ... Margaret Thatcher
John Normington ... Sidney Bliss
James Quinn ... Journalist
John Rapley ... Bookmakers Shop Manager

Raad Rawi ... Chief Amlumi
Harriet Reynolds ... Dame Josie
David Simeon ... PC Mathews

Jerome Willis ... Sir Wallis Austin QC

Season 3


Season 3, Episode 1: Labour of Love

6 January 1991
Alan B'Stard's reputation as the most right-wing Tory MP in the House is under threat: Working class fatso Victor Crosby has just won the Accrington by-election for the Conservatives and, through his publicly declared extreme political views, is on the brink of stealing B'Stard's thunder.

Season 3, Episode 2: The Party's Over

13 January 1991
Major is securely belted in the driving seat of the Tory machine but despite the new leadership, Conservative fortunes are flagging - a severe economic crisis looms; the opinion polls predict the Party's imminent downfall.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Terence Alexander ... Sir Greville McDonald

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard

Benjamin Whitrow ... Paddy O'Rourke
Moray Watson ... Professor Eugene Quail
Martin Friend ... House of Commons Speaker
Hilary Trott ... TV Interviewer
Christa Ackroyd ... Newsreader
Shend ... Youth
David Doyle ... Youth
Gill McCahon ... Tory Model
Dave Atkins ... Liberal Democrat MP
Tip Tipping ... Sleeping MP

Season 3, Episode 3: Let Them Sniff Cake

20 January 1991
Following the riotous TV appearance in 'Balance', a serious discussion slot chaired by MENSA member Joan Bakewell, Alan B'Stard is branded an animal hater across the front pages of the tabloid press.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard

John Sessions ... Lord Penistone
Joan Bakewell ... Herself
Anna Keaveney ... Marcia Hornsby
Michael Robbins ... Mad Eddie
Marc Atwood ... Clive (as Mark Newman)

Season 3, Episode 4: Keeping Mum

27 January 1991
In the House of Commons conniving Tory Alan B'Stard faces a barrage of hostility from an Opposition outraged by his proposal for an amendment to the Social Security Bill.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Brenda Bruce ... Beryl
Penny Brownjohn ... Betty Gammon

Alan Ford ... Police Inspector
David Lloyd ... Police Sergeant
Ron Webster ... House of Commons Policeman
Martin Friend ... House of Commons Speaker
Graham Rigby ... Old M.P.
Nicholas Fry ... Newsreader

Season 3, Episode 5: Natural Selection

3 February 1991
During the annual cocktail party at his country residence B'Stard's scathing contempt for his Haltemprice constituents seriously backfires.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard

Maurice Roëves ... Ken Price (as Maurice Roeves)

David Bamber ... Julian Whitaker
Sarah Neville ... Stella Crossman
Joanne Heywood ... Cher Titley
Pippa Brill ... Young Woman at Party

Season 3, Episode 6: Profit of Boom

10 February 1991
The purpose of Alan's USSR tour is to spread the gospel of Capitalism according to B'Stard, as well to acquire several thousand rubles by selling off video cassettes of his free-market sermons.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard

Kevin McNally ... Colonel Gromyko
Mark Kingston ... Freddy Ogilvy
Joanna Kanska ... Ludmilla

Adam Wide ... Messenger
Henry Ayrton ... Russian General (uncredited)

Season 4


Season 4, Episode 1: Back from the Mort

22 November 1992
Alan is back and he is on the warpath.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Terence Alexander ... Sir Greville McDonald
Elizabeth Banks ... Nun
Benedick Blythe ... Count Otto Von Munchweiller
Nicholas Colicos ... Journalist
Timothy Morand ... Journalist
Robert Schofield ... Journalist
John Warnaby ... TV Reporter

Season 4, Episode 2: H*A*S*H

29 November 1992
While Piers Fletcher-Dervish is dealing with the ins and outs of political life, Alan B'Stard is somewhat put out to find himself indebted to his wife Sarah.

Season 4, Episode 3: Speaking in Tongues

6 December 1992
Brussels is a zoo, and it's getting on top of the new Commissioner for Internal Relations.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish
Terence Alexander ... Sir Greville
Brigitte Kahn ... Frau Kleist
John Bowe ... Pietro Garibaldi
Christopher Ryan ... Ioannis Douvalopoulos

Season 4, Episode 4: Heil and Farewell

13 December 1992
The Molotov cocktails may be raining down on refugee hostels in Germany, but Alan B'Stard is more concerned with potentially explosive plan which he has up his sleeve.

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'Stard

Michael Troughton ... Piers Fletcher-Dervish

Marsha Fitzalan ... Sarah B'Stard
Brigitte Kahn ... Frau Kleist

David Calder ... Le Cul
Hans Meyer ... Herr Wessel
Paul Bentall ... Nicki Ceaucescu
Peter Geeves ... Reinhard

Paul O'Grady ... Marlene Dietrich (as Paul Savage)
Catherine Chevalier ... Newscaster
Yuri Klimov ... Romanian Refugee

Season 4, Episode 5: A Bigger Splash

20 December 1992
Alan B'Stard doesn't balk at the Balkans.

Season 4, Episode 6: The Irresistible Rise of Alan B'Stard

26 December 1992
All hell breaks loose when B'Stard decides to interfere with the mountains of untaxed cash lying hidden in the Channel Islands.

Unknown Season


A B'Stard Exposed

30 December 1994
Newly returned to parliament after other contenders for his seat met an accident B'stard is interviewed on television by Brian Walden, who is shocked at his reactionary proposals such as abolishing the welfare state and taxing the poor. In the interval two make-up girls claim B'stard has fathered their children but in the second part of the show, despite Walden's suggestions that he burned down Windsor castle and forced Thatcher's resignation, B'stard delivers a rousing speech proposing a wall to fence England off from Wales and Scotland. The switchboard is jammed with messages of support though it transpires that the whole thing is a scam to revive Walden's show's flagging ratings.
Sara Markland ... Studio Girl

Rik Mayall ... Alan B'stard
Geoffrey McGivern ... Floor Manager
Phoebe Scholfield ... Make-Up girl
Brian Walden ... Interviewer

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