Murphy Brown (1988–1998)
[after learning the Murphy is pregnant]
Jim: Murphy, do you need any money?
Murphy: Jim, I make as much as you do.
Jim: Good God Miles, is that true?
Murphy: Men are like Dove bars - one is great, two make you throw up.
Kay: I've talked to the network and they agree that given the quality of your work lately, they have no choice but to give all of you five days at a beautiful Mexican resort totally at their expense. See what I did there? You thought I was going to do something evil but I went a different way!
[Attempting to breast-feed her newborn son]
Murphy: I finally have a chest and the only man in my life doesn't know what to do with it!
Jim: Perhaps you need to be clearer.
Murphy: Clearer? Jim, the other day I rolled up my car window while she was still talking to me! I drove away and she actually ran alongside the car until she was able to pull her hair free at the onramp! I'm telling you, the woman cannot take a hint!
Kay: Oh, good morning, my little worker ants! That's just a figure of speech; I would NEVER compare you to insects. At least not after that sensitivity training seminar those maggots at the network forced me to attend!
Kay: Corky, are you in there?
Murphy: Are you alone?
Kay: Yes, I am... for the last ten years, and thanks so much for reminding me!
Jim: I can't hear you. My flesh is being consumed by acid.
Murphy: Stop looking at me like that!
Miles Silverberg: Like what?
Murphy: Like Bambi caught in my headlights!
[the night before Corky marries Will]
Corky: [sobbing] I haven't experienced life!
Murphy: I've experienced life, and I'm here to tell you it's overrated.
[to a Russian journalist who has just insulted her]
Murphy: Oh yeah? Well I can't take ANYTHING you say seriously with that stupid accent. You sound like you should be "plottink beeg trabble for moose and skvirrel"!
Murphy: [talking to Stuart Best] There was no chemistry, there was no old gang! And if there was, you weren't apart of it. You drove us nuts! Taking off your shoes, humming while you ate, and there's no such word as alls, it's all. It's all I know! It wasn't the network, it was us! We wanted you fired! My names Murph-Y! Get off the stage.
Murphy: I was waiting for the universe to dispense some justice but sometimes the universe is just too damn slow. The effects of putting Nair in someone's styling gel, however, only take a few minutes.
Stan Lansing: Though I am a sucker for that rascal's nimble wordplay, it's not Dick who has millions of housewives glued to their sets. Dick is a punster. Punsters you can replace with a relative. It's Dottie, Murphy. Dottie is the show.
Murphy: Ah-ha. So what you're saying is, that you're willing to be Dickless, but you refuse to be Dotless.