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The Untouchables (1987) Poster

Quotes

Malone: You said you wanted to get Capone. Do you really wanna get him? You see what I'm saying is, what are you prepared to do?

Ness: Anything within the law.

Malone: And *then* what are you prepared to do? If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way. Because they're not gonna give up the fight, until one of you is dead.

Ness: I want to get Capone! I don't know how to do it.

Malone: You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?

Ness: I have sworn to capture this man with all legal powers at my disposal and I will do so.

Malone: Well, the Lord hates a coward.

[jabs Ness with his hand, and Ness shakes it]

Malone: Do you know what a blood oath is, Mr. Ness?

Ness: Yes.

Malone: Good, 'cause you just took one.

Capone: I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

Ness: Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done.

Capone: What'd you say? What're you saying?

Ness: I said, "Never stop fighting till the fight is done."

Capone: What?

Ness: You heard me, Capone. It's over.

Capone: [sneering] Get out, you're nothing but a lot of talk and a badge.

Ness: Here endeth the lesson.

Malone: Why do you want to be a police officer?

Williamson: To protect the... people and the... p...

Malone: I'm not looking for the textbook answer. Why do you want to join the force.

Williamson: The force?

Malone: Yeah, why do you want to join the force.

Williamson: Because... I...

Malone: Yeah?

Williamson: ...think I could help.

Malone: You think you could help.

Williamson: ...with the force.

Malone: Thank you very much, you've been most helpful.

[Williamson leaves]

Malone: [to Ness] There goes the next chief of police.

Malone: Why do you want to join the force?

George Stone: To protect the property and citizenry of...

Malone: Ah, don't waste my time with that bullshit. Where you from, Stone?

George Stone: I'm from the south-side.

Malone: Stone. George Stone. That's your name? What's your real name?

George Stone: That is my real name.

Malone: Nah. What was it before you changed it?

George Stone: Giuseppe Petri.

Malone: Ah, I knew it. That's all you need, one thieving wop on the team.

George Stone: Hey, what's that you say?

Malone: I said that you're a lying member of a no good race.

George Stone: [He cuffs Stone across the face. As he draws back his arm again, Stone presses a gun under his chin] Much better than you, you stinking Irish shit pig.

Malone: Oh, I like him.

Ness: [Ness looking a bit nervous and Malone smiling at Stone] Yeah I like him too.

Ness: I'm going to see you burn, you son of a bitch, because you killed my friend!

Frank Nitti: He died like a pig.

Ness: What did you say?

Frank Nitti: I said your friend died screaming like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think about that when I beat the rap.

[He runs a comb through his hair and walks toward the door. Ness, enraged, grabs him from behind and pushes him past the door]

Frank Nitti: Hey... hey!

[Ness propels him toward the ledge]

Frank Nitti: *Hey!

[Ness pushes him off the roof. He falls, screaming]

Ness: Did he sound anything like *that*?

Malone: You're muckin' with a G here, pal!

Malone: You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.

Capone: I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand? Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I'd have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won.

Capone: People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that. And all this talk of bootlegging - what is bootlegging? On a boat, it's bootlegging. On Lake Shore Drive, it's hospitality. I'm a businessman!

[last lines]

Scoop: Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then?

Ness: I think I'll have a drink.

Ness: [Ness has just shot a gangster after the Canadian border raid] I had to kill him.

Malone: Oh, yeah. He's as dead as Julius Caesar... Would you rather it was you?

Ness: No, I would not.

Malone: Well, then, you've done your job. Go home and sleep well tonight.

George Stone: [after Ness has pushed Nitti off the roof and gone back in the courthouse] Where is Nitti?

Ness: He's in the car.

Malone: OK, pal, why the mahaska? Why are you carrying the gun?

Ness: I'm a treasury officer.

Malone: Alright. Just remember what we talked about now.

[Malone walks away]

Ness: Hey, wait a minute! What the hell kind of policemen you got in this god damn city? You just turned your back on an armed man.

Malone: You're a treasury officer.

Ness: How do you know that? I just told you that.

Malone: Who would claim to be that who was not? Hmm?

Malone: You're gonna talk, pal. You're gonna beg to talk. Because somebody's going to talk!

[walks out of the shack, and holds the dead body of a gangster Ness shot]

Malone: Hey you, on your feet! We need you to translate this book! And you are going to do it for us! I won't ask you again.

[places gun in the gangster's mouth]

Malone: What's the matter? Can't talk with a gun in your mouth? One... two... three...

[pulls trigger]

Ness: I wanna hurt the man, Malone. You hear me? I wanna start taking the battle to him. I wanna hurt Capone!

Ness: Come on Capone! You wanna fight? You wanna settle it right now? Right here? Let's go!

Capone: Listen to me here! You ain't got nothin' on me, nothin'! You're just a cop! Fuck you and your family!

Ness: Fuh... know what?

[Ness goes to pull his gun, Capone's goons pull their guns and point them at Ness]

Malone: Not now Eliot, not now.

[Malone grabs Ness]

Malone: Get outta here you dago bastared!

Malone: [firing his gun to stop a suspect] All right! Enough of this running shit!

Capone: A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.

Hoods: Team!

[Capone beats one of the men to death with a baseball bat]

Malone: Isn't that just like a wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight.

Judge: [after Ness has discovered Capone bribed the jury to acquit him] Bailiff, I want you to go next door to Judge Hawton's court, where they've just begun hearing a divorce action. I want you to bring that jury in here, and take this jury to his court. Bailiff, are those instructions clear?

Bailiff: [puzzled] Yes, sir, they're... clear...

Capone: [to his attorney] What's he talking about? What is it?

Judge: Bailiff, I want you to switch the juries.

Bailiff: Yes sir.

Defense Attorney: Your honor, I object!

Judge: Overruled.

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Bodyguard: [Ness confronts Capone] Something you want here?

Ness: My friend was killed today.

Bodyguard: I don't care.

Ness: You don't care.

[Ness punches the bodyguard in the nose, knocking him to the ground]

Ness: Now he does.

[to Capone]

Ness: Come on here, Capone. You want to fight? You and me, right here? That's it, come on! What's the matter? You afraid to come out from behind your men, you afraid to stand up for yourself?

Capone: You want to do it now? You want to do the mat now?

Ness: Yeah! Come on, you guinea son of a bitch!

Capone: What? You talk to me like that in front of my son? Fuck you and your family!

Ness: Fu...

[Ness goes for his gun, while all of Capone's men pull out there guns and point them at Ness]

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Ness: [after blowing away a crook who wouldn't "Freeze!"] Didn't you hear what I said? What are you, deaf? What is this, a game?

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Frank Nitti: Come on Mr. Treasury man, ARREST ME!

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Ness: I have foresworn myself. I have broken every law I have sworn to uphold, I have become what I beheld and I am content that I have done right!

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Mrs. Blackmer: I came here to thank you. It was my little girl that got killed with that bomb.

Ness: I'm sorry, please. I'm so sorry.

Mrs. Blackmer: You see it's because I know that you have children too... and that this is real for you, that these men caused this tragedy. And I know that you will put a stop to them. I know you'll do that now.

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Mountie Captain: I do not approve of your methods!

Ness: Yeah, well... You're not from Chicago.

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Malone: Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even want it to happen. Just watch what does happen.

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Bowtie Driver: Me and the bookkeeper are walking out of here, getting into a car, and driving away. Or else he dies! He dies! And you ain't got nothing! You got five seconds to make up your minds!

Ness: You got him?

George Stone: Yeah, I got him.

Bowtie Driver: [Bowtie starts counting off five seconds] One!

Ness: Take him.

George Stone: [Stone shoots him] Two!

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Malone: [after a plan goes wrong] Oh what the hell? You gotta die of something.

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Malone: [to Ness] Welcome to Chicago.This town stinks like a whorehouse at low tide.

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District Attorney: [when the Judge announces the switch of jury] What did you tell him?

Ness: I told him his name is in the ledger too.

[Close-up of the Judge, staring daggers at Ness from the bench]

District Attorney: His name wasn't in the ledger...

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Malone: If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.

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Scoop: Mr. Ness! Any comment for the record?

Ness: I just happened to be there when the wheel went round.

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Capone: When you got an all-out prizefight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. 'N' that's how you know who won.

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Ness: [looking at a gold chain Malone is holding] What is that?

Malone: Ah, I'm among the heathen. That is my call box key, and that... is my St. Jude medallion.

Ness: Saint who?

George Stone: Santo Jude. The patron saint of lost causes.

Malone: And policemen.

Ness: Well, which are we, gentlemen - policemen, or lost causes?

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[first lines]

Title Card: 1930. Prohibition has transformed Chicago into a City at War. Rival gangs compete for control of the city's billion dollar empire of illegal alcohol, enforcing their will with the hand grenade and tommy gun. It is the time of the Ganglords. It is the time of Al Capone.

Reporter: [to Al Capone] An article, which I believe appeared in a newspaper, asked why, since you are, or it would seem that you are, in effect, the mayor of Chicago, you've not simply been appointed to that position.

[other reporters laugh]

Capone: Well, I'll tell ya, you know, it's touching. Like a lot of things in life, we laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true. Now, some people will say - reformers, they'll say, 'Put that man in jail! What does he think he is doing?' Well, what I hope I'm doing, and here's where your English paper's got a point, is - I'm responding to the will of the people.

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Malone: [stopping at a post office] Well, here we are.

Ness: What are we doing here?

Malone: Liquor raid.

Ness: [looking at the police station across the street] Here?

Malone: Mr. Ness, everybody knows where the booze is. The problem isn't finding it, the problem is who wants to cross Capone.

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Bartender: That green beer you're peddlin' just ain't any good.

Bowtie Driver: It ain't supposed to be good! It's supposed to be bought.

Bartender: I ain't buyin'.

Bowtie Driver: Don't worry about it, pops! We won't come back.

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Malone: You, you carry a badge?

Agent Oscar Wallace: Yes?

Malone: [gives him a shotgun] Carry a gun.

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Capone: [to reporters] Yes! There is violence in Chicago. But not by me, and not by anybody who works for me, and I'll tell you why because it's bad for business.

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Ness: [Ness has just dismissed the rest of the team] We have several operations in the works, so we're rather busy, Alderman. What can we do for you?

Alderman: I came up to congratulate you on a job well done. Share your good fortune on such a lovely day.

[Drops bribe envelope on the desk]

Ness: What's that?

[shrugs and makes a giggle sound]

Ness: What is that.

Alderman: Mr. Ness, you're an educated man. Let me pay you the compliment of being blunt. There's a large, a large and popular business that you are causing dismay. Why don't you just cross the street and let things take their course.

Ness: [Summoning the team] Would you come in here please?

[as the team enters]

Ness: In roman times, when a when a fellow was convicted of trying to bribe a public official, they would cut off his nose, and sew him in a bag with a wild animal, and throw him in a river.

[picking up the bribe and throwing it at Alderman]

Ness: You tell your master that we must agree to disagree!

Alderman: You're making a mistake.

Ness: Yeah I know, well I've made them before I'm beginning to enjoy them.

Alderman: You fellows are untouchable, is that the thing? No one can get to you? Hey, everyone can be gotten to.

Ness: [speaking over Alderman and throwing him out] You tell Capone, that I'll see him in hell.

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Hoods: You got 5 seconds to make up your minds

Ness: You got him?

George Stone: Yeah I got him

Hoods: 1...

Ness: Take him

[Stone shoots, the Hood drops with blood coming out of his mouth]

George Stone: Two

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Malone: Isn't that just like a wop.

Hoods: [He starts backing away from Malone]

Malone: Brings a knife to a gun fight.

Hoods: [He backs away faster]

Malone: Get outta here you Dago Bastard!

Hoods: [He runs out the door]

Malone: Go on get your ass outta here!

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Ness: So much violence...

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Capone: You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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