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George Barnes Jr.,
Time of the Apes is a strung-together movie made from several episodes of a Japanese TV show. Big-hipped Catherine and her two charges, Johnny (who "doesn't care") and Caroline, are sent to some alternate time-line by being frozen in cryogenic tubes during an earthquake. They end up on a planet where apes rule humans but are ruled themselves by a supercomputer named "UECOM", which is a malevolent artificial being created by humans. Written by
Jonah Falcon <firstname.lastname@example.org>
This movie features all the standard hallmarks of crap Japanese films: You've got your kid in red shorts shouting his lines, you've got a wise elder sister to explain the plot and people laughing about things that aren't funny to the audience.
Some annoying kids are visiting a lab where they are trying to develop a plot. Suddenly they get frozen and wake up in a world ruled by extras in cheap monkey masks. The monkeys have developed telephones, cars and have a city made of cardboard.
Absolutely jack happens through the entire film but you'll be mesmerised by the shoddiness of it all. It would be petty to complain that the ending makes no sense because there's nothing to make sense of in the first place, it's just people running around. Worst of all the film just doesn't want to end and drags it out for a good 20 minutes after the credits should be rolling.
Bonus points for having a UFO that pops up for no apparent reason.
For fans of bad cinema only.
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