Memorable quotes for
Throw Momma from the Train (1987) More at IMDbPro »

Owen: Where are you going?
Larry: I'm gonna kill the bitch. You want something?
Owen: Could you get me a Chunky?
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Momma: Owen! Food!
Owen: In a minute, Momma.
Momma: Don't you "In a minute, Momma" me! Get off your fat little ass or I'll break it for you! I want two soft boiled eggs, white toast, and some of that grape jelly god damn it! And don't burn the toast!
Owen: Kill her, Larry.
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Momma: He's trying to kill me! I asked for the salted nuts. He brought me the unsalted nuts. The unsalted nuts make me choke!
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Momma: Who the HELL are you?
Larry: I'm Owen's friend.
Momma: Owen doesn't have a friend!
Larry: That's because he's shy.
Momma: No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid!
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Larry: One little murder and I'm Jack the Ripper.
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Momma: Your friend had an accident, he's dead! You go bowling and leave a corpse to take care of me!
Owen: He's dead?
Momma: See for yourself.
Owen: Larry! My friend, my friend... Larry!
Momma: "My friend! My friend!" You big crybaby. Go bury him in the yard before he stinks up the place.
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Mrs. Hazeltine: [reading her manuscript] His guts oozed nice, like a melted malted.
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Larry: You killed my wife, Owen!
Owen: No, I didn't... Yes, I did.
Larry: You're a sick man, Owen. You need care and I'm taking you to the police.
Owen: Did you know that Hawaii is a series of islands that was all spit up by the same volcano? I never knew that.
Larry: You killed somebody! You killed a person. You're a murderer. You took a life!
Owen: You're right. You're right, I'm no good. How could I do that? I'm a sick pers... cows!
[points at passing billboard]
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Larry: Remember, a writer writes always.
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Larry: Hate makes you impotent, Love makes you crazy, somewhere in the middle you can survive.
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[Larry's been hit in the groin by Momma's cane]
Larry: [in pain] She's not a woman, she's The Terminator.
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[Momma sees Larry for the first time]
Momma: Who's this?
Owen: This is Cousin Paddy. He's coming to stay with us a while. Isn't that nice?
Momma: [suspiciously] You don't *have* a "Cousin Paddy".
Owen: [to Larry] You lied to me!
[Owen knocks Larry out with a frying pan to the head]
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Momma: Get out of my way, you black bastard!
Larry: What?
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Larry: [Larry is reading stories to the class] Next is "Murder at My Friend Harry's" by Owen... Lift. "Chapter one: The night was humid."
[Closes the paper]
Larry: Class dismissed. I have a enormous headache in my eye.
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Momma: Holy Shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!
Larry: Mrs. Lift?
Momma: Get away from me, you horse's ass!
[Hits Larry in the crotch with her cane. Larry falls to the floor, groaning]
Larry: [to Owen] She's not a woman... she's the Terminator.
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Owen: Momma! You're alive!
[to police]
Owen: Old people - you have to reassure them.
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Larry: The night was dry, yet it was raining.
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Owen: [Larry has driven his car off the road and it's going downhill through a load of bushes. Sat next to him in the passenger seat is Owen] This is good. It's like the Flintstones car wash.
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Owen: Larry! I can't breath!
Larry: Yes! That's because I'm choking you!
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Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student: It's a coffee table book.
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Larry: [talking at Margaret Donner on TV] It's my life, Margaret. It's MY life and I want it back!
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Mrs. Hazeltine: It's whacking material!
Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student: Isn't that literature?
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Larry: Owen, you gotta get it through your thick head. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a killer.
Owen: You don't have to blow her brains out or anything.
Larry: [Sarcastically] Thank you, that takes the pressure right off.
Owen: She's old. She's got a bad ticker. All you gotta do is jerk around a lot when you talk to her.
[Mimics shaking Mrs. Lift viciously]
Owen: "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lift!"
Larry: Would you stop it?
Owen: Well just meet her. Maybe she'll be somebody you'd LIKE to kill.
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Larry: [referring to Owen's lousy murer mystery paper] It wasn't motivated.
Owen: Sure it was. The guy in the hat killed the other guy in the hat.
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Mrs. Hazeltine: "Dive... DIVE" yelled the captain through the thing. So the captain pressed a button, or something, and it dove. And the enemy was foiled again!
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Larry: [on the phone with Owen from Hawaii] Owen, what the hell did you do to my wife?
Owen: Ehh, I don't want to say over the phone. All I can tell ya is that I killed her last night.
[hangs up]
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Rosey: He called her a very bad name, and said "I hate her! I wish she were dead!"
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Beth Ryan: He didn't do it!
Police Sergeant: Well then who do you suppose did?
Beth Ryan: [after a pause to think] Somebody else!
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Lester: [discussing Larry's stalled book] Man, you been on "The night was... " for six months!
Larry: Takes place in the Yukon.
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Lester: [On why he thinks Larry didn't kill his ex-wife] All his life, Larry never did... anything.
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Larry: [last line, while they are snorkeling out through the surf] Keep going a little further Owen, maybe somebody'll harpoon you!
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Momma: [On the train] I'm getting the hell out of here.
[Stands up and walks off]
Momma: Too god damn sultry in here.
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Momma: You were writing a letter.
Owen: No, Momma!
Momma: You are writing to tell them to take me away! You want them to take me away!
Owen: I'm writing a story for class, Momma! I don't want them to take you away!
Momma: Yes, you do!
Owen: Owen loves his Momma!
Momma: [to herself] Owen loves his Momma!
[singing mockingly]
Momma: Owen loves his Momma, Owen loves his Momma, Owen loves his Momma, Owen loves his Momma...
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[Owen is typing on his typewriter when Momma comes and slams his hands on the keyboard]
Momma: Stop it, damn it! I got a wax ball in my ear. Get it out.
[Cut to bathroom. Momma slaps Owen]
Owen: Oh, Momma...
Momma: You're writing to her, aren't you Owen?
Owen: Don't start that again, Momma, and don't hit me anymore!
Momma: You love her.
Owen: There's no "her", Momma.
[Momma bends down above the bathtub as Owen brushes her hair back]
Momma: You're writing a letter!
Owen: I'm writing a story for class, Momma. Don't you see? I take a class, I take a nice class.
Momma: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Owen: And I'm gonna be a writer someday.
Momma: You know how that typing upsets me!
Owen: I'm sorry, Momma. A writer writes.
Momma: You're gonna be nothing. You're gonna be nothing. You'll never get to first base. All you do is type, type, type, type, type, type. You sit there typing all day like a fat little pigeon.
[Owen notices a pair of long scissors on a nearby shelf, picks them up and raises them]
Owen: You won't ever hear it again, Momma. I promise.
[Owen stabs Momma through the ear with the scissors. Momma stands up screaming]
Owen: [Confused] Momma...
Momma: [Cleaning her ear] I think you got it, sonny.
[Owen suddenly comes to his senses, realising he was imagining killing her]
Momma: I don't know what I'd do without you, Owen baby.
[Kisses him on the cheek and hugs him]
Owen: I know, Momma. I know.
Momma: Owen, my little baby. Owen, my little baby boy.
[Owen still looks confused as to how he cleared Momma's ear]
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Larry: Slut! She's a slut! Look at her! Slut!
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