Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends (1987 Video)

Penn Jillette: Self - Penn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Penn Jillette : If you want good clean fun, ask your aunt to take you bowling.

• Penn Jillette : There are 5,380,000,000 people in this world. 4.71% of these live in the United States. Of those living in the United States, 60.83% own televisions. And of those owning televisions, only 27% own video recorders. That makes 38,705,057 of US, and 5,341,294,943 of THEM. That's 137.999 suckers for each one of us. Sucker-wise, it's an embarrassment of riches. If you follow our instructions closely, and have the money to fund your betting, you're gonna make money off us. Even if you paid as much as the full, list, retail price of $3.95 for this tape, you're gonna increase your money by an order of magnitude in less time than it takes to say 'knowing falsification of advertising claims resulting in irretrievable financial loss by the aggrieved party.

• Penn Jillette : You're smart enough to see the implications... there's money to be made here. Demonstrate Vidi-Kopy to the vegetable who walks like a man, and then sell it to him. The price? Well, let me put it this way, If Lt. Doofus is the buyer, and a Penn & Teller fan is the seller, it's pretty safe to say it's a seller's market.

• Penn Jillette : So, learn everything on this tape and maybe you can move on to really big swimmers and steal millions of dollars from people just like you. Goodbye dear friends,and make sure you buy Cruel Tricks 2. Aloha.

• Penn Jillette : This is our last scam, and Teller has asked me to make a couple of announcements. First of all, he'd like you to know that 'this one' is his favorite, and second of all, DON'T EVER CALL WHAT HE DOES 'MIME'!

  Teller : [Slams fist into palm]