Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: I don't care if he puts a rubber glove on his head and runs naked around the store screaming, 'Hi! I'm a squid!'
Jonathan Switcher: [Jonathan has just punched out Felix, sending him to the floor] That teaches him to mess with a man and his mannequin.
[Hollywood just caught Jonathan kissing Emmy as she assumes mannequin form]
Hollywood Montrose: At least she'll never tell you that your hips are too fat.
Jonathan Switcher: I'm helping Hollywood with the window.
Felix: Oh the little Mary has an assistant now? Where do you people come from?
Jonathan Switcher: Ohio.
Ema 'Emmy' Hesire: Mother, I don't want to settle down. I want to do things, I want to invent things, I want to try things that nobody's ever tried before... I want to fly.
Emmy's Mother: [sarcastic] Sure and I want to smoke and tell your father to go to hell!
Hollywood Montrose: Two things I love to do is fight and kiss boys!
Felix: It's him! It's her! Ooh, that little 'peevert'. He's stealing her before we can.
Mr. Richards: OK, let's not do anything rash. We'll follow them quietly and look for just the right moment to grab them.
Felix: Don't worry, Mr. Richards. I'm an expert at surveillance. Hang on!
[car peels off]
Ema 'Emmy' Hesire: [On Christopher Columbus] I told him the world was round and I never saw him again.
Jonathan: A radio shrink? They're only good for people with problems that fit between the commercials.
[coming out of the elevator]
Jonathan: Easy Felix. I don't think she's armed!
Hollywood Montrose: You know I would never interrupt you when you're getting a piece of wood...
Armand: Roxy! Roxy, Roxy. You know what you need to do right now? You need to put him and this whole nasty affair out of your mind. Now, how is the best way to do that, huh? Huh? By having a night of distastable sex with someone you care absolutely nothing about! And proudly, I would like to be that person.
Roxie Shield: Fine, let's just go to your place.
Roxie Shield: Drive fast before I have second thoughts!
Armand: Armand is the wind!
[Jonathan is explaining to Roxie about the first time Emmy came to life]
Roxie Shield: You could've decided to tell me that you wanted to stand me up. Instead you come here to be lying with this ridiculous story!
Jonathan Switcher: I'm not lying. I'm insane.
[Hollywood is crying in the ladies' room shortly after Jonathan's promotion]
Mrs. Thomas: Who's crying?
Lupe: It's either our new vice-president, the fairy... OR THE DUMMY!
Mannequin Factory Boss: You know you could get the dummy of the week award Switcher.
Jonathan Switcher: She turned out pretty good, didn't she.
Mannequin Factory Boss: I wasn't talking about her.
Roxie Shield: I'm not the one who can't deal with reality.
Jonathan Switcher: Reality is very disappointing.
Hollywood Montrose: Don't let Felix get to you, he's just got a bad case of Miami Vice.
Jonathan Switcher: Hollywood I don't know about men's thighs, they look fine to me.
Hollywood Montrose: Albert called me 'cellulite city'.
Ema 'Emmy' Hesire: [Looking at stereo system playing] Where do they hide all the musicians?
Ema 'Emmy' Hesire: Didn't I tell you, you're the only one who can see me like this.
Felix: You suspect pilferage, sir? I'd be happy to strip-search him.
Mr. Richards: You people that work at night scare me.
Felix: We got him!
Mr. Richards: Felix, I want to get out. I want to get out...
[car becomes lodged in alley]
[Felix has just discovered Jonathan making love to Emmy while she has assumed mannequin form]
Felix: [to Jonathan] You are one... sick... puppy!
Ema 'Emmy' Hesire: I just wish you didn't look so worried.
Jonathan Switcher: That's easy for you to say. You're a mannequin, you'll always have work.
Felix: Here, Mr. Richards. You better put some camouflage on, sir.
Mr. Richards: I am not going to put shoe polish on my face, thank you. Now, could we please get into the store, Felix?
Felix: Yes, sir.
Armand: [Roxie is sitting on the edge of Armand's bed getting dressed, he is under a blanket, presumably naked... he looks under it and moans in disbelief] I don't understand it!
Armand: [Roxie continues dressing] This has never happened to Armand before, never!
Armand: [Roxie continues to ignore him] Maybe it's you! You're... so cold. So unfeeling!
Armand: [Roxie leaves] Where can I get a mannequin too?
[looks under blanket and moans again]