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Maid to Order (1987) Poster

(1987)

Quotes

Jessie Montgomery: I did not spend six years in junior college to be a maid.

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Stella Winston: You're a spoiled, silly, boring, insignificant little twit.

Jessie Montgomery: Hey! Who are you calling boring?

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Jessie Montgomery: Please let me take it in Maria. Please!

Maria: She told me to take it in.

Jessie Montgomery: Well what difference does it make?

Maria: The difference is if you screw up, then my ass is grass and she's the lawnmower!

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[Jessie brings Stan his laundry]

Stan Starkey: What the... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WRINKLED SUIT?

Jessie Montgomery: I pressed it.

Stan Starkey: I know, but you're not supposed to press it! It's a wrinkled suit! I BOUGHT it wrinkled! It's a Georgio Armani WRINKLE! Wrinkles are IN! It's the 80's, kiddo; wake up! I can't believe this! My Georgio Armani, PRESSED!

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Jessie Montgomery: [after being arrested for driving under the influence AND carrying drugs, AND trying to bribe the cops who took her in, Jessie is sharing a cell with a hooker who's loudly filing her nails] ... Would you mind not doing that? I'm kinda bummed and I have a headache.

Hooker in Jail: And what are you in for?

Jessie Montgomery: I don't remember.

Hooker in Jail: Figures.

Jessie Montgomery: God, when this hits the papers... my poor father... He's a philanthropist.

Hooker in Jail: Is he serving time too?

Jessie Montgomery: No a philanthropist is... Never mind. So what are YOU in for?

Hooker in Jail: [sarcastic] ... Jaywalking.

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Jessie Montgomery: Hey, I bruise easily, okay!

Stella Winston: You're a real peach, aren't ya?

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Jessie Montgomery: You're a witch!

Stella Winston: I'm perfectly harmless!

Jessie Montgomery: That's what they said about asbestos!

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Jessie Montgomery: But, Dad, please! I'm zeroed out.

Charles Montgomery: I gave you $200.00.

Jessie Montgomery: Well, it's ancient history!

Charles Montgomery: I believe it was lunch time.

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Charles Montgomery: I never thought I'd hear myself say something like this, Woodrow.

[Looks up at the stars]

Charles Montgomery: I wish I'd never had a daughter.

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Stella Winston: [at the door of Jessie's jail cell] Rise and shine, doll.

Jessie Montgomery: Who are you?

Stella Winston: I'm your fairy godmother.

Jessie Montgomery: The nightmare continues...!

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Jessie Montgomery: Some fairy godmother you are! I thought you guys were supposed to turn maids into princesses, and shit like that.

Stella Winston: Some maids deserve to be princesses. Some princesses deserve to be maids.

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Jessie Montgomery: Please wait! Help me! I... I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be boring. I don't want to be alone. Help me, fairy godmother, please!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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