Maid to Order (1987)
Jessie Montgomery: I did not spend six years in junior college to be a maid.
Stella Winston: You're a spoiled, silly, boring, insignificant little twit.
Jessie Montgomery: Hey! Who are you calling boring?
Jessie Montgomery: Please let me take it in Maria. Please!
Maria: She told me to take it in.
Jessie Montgomery: Well what difference does it make?
Maria: The difference is if you screw up, then my ass is grass and she's the lawnmower!
[Jessie brings Stan his laundry]
Stan Starkey: What the... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WRINKLED SUIT?
Jessie Montgomery: I pressed it.
Stan Starkey: I know, but you're not supposed to press it! It's a wrinkled suit! I BOUGHT it wrinkled! It's a Georgio Armani WRINKLE! Wrinkles are IN! It's the 80's, kiddo; wake up! I can't believe this! My Georgio Armani, PRESSED!
Jessie Montgomery: [after being arrested for driving under the influence AND carrying drugs, AND trying to bribe the cops who took her in, Jessie is sharing a cell with a hooker who's loudly filing her nails] ... Would you mind not doing that? I'm kinda bummed and I have a headache.
Hooker in Jail: And what are you in for?
Jessie Montgomery: I don't remember.
Hooker in Jail: Figures.
Jessie Montgomery: God, when this hits the papers... my poor father... He's a philanthropist.
Hooker in Jail: Is he serving time too?
Jessie Montgomery: No a philanthropist is... Never mind. So what are YOU in for?
Hooker in Jail: [sarcastic] ... Jaywalking.
Jessie Montgomery: Hey, I bruise easily, okay!
Stella Winston: You're a real peach, aren't ya?
Jessie Montgomery: You're a witch!
Stella Winston: I'm perfectly harmless!
Jessie Montgomery: That's what they said about asbestos!
Jessie Montgomery: But, Dad, please! I'm zeroed out.
Charles Montgomery: I gave you $200.00.
Jessie Montgomery: Well, it's ancient history!
Charles Montgomery: I believe it was lunch time.
Charles Montgomery: I never thought I'd hear myself say something like this, Woodrow.
[Looks up at the stars]
Charles Montgomery: I wish I'd never had a daughter.
Stella Winston: [at the door of Jessie's jail cell] Rise and shine, doll.
Jessie Montgomery: Who are you?
Stella Winston: I'm your fairy godmother.
Jessie Montgomery: The nightmare continues...!
Jessie Montgomery: Some fairy godmother you are! I thought you guys were supposed to turn maids into princesses, and shit like that.
Stella Winston: Some maids deserve to be princesses. Some princesses deserve to be maids.