The Lost Boys (1987)
Grandpa: One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.
Max: Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless.
Sam Emerson: Did you know that?
Edgar Frog: Of course. Everyone knows that.
David: Michael wants to know what's going on. Marco, what's going on?
Marko: I don't know. What's going on, Paul?
Paul: Wait a minute. Who wants to know?
Dwayne: Michael wants to know.
David: How are those maggots?
Michael Emerson: Huh?
David: Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
Grandpa: Second shelf is mine. That's where I keep my rootbeers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. Nobody touches the second shelf but me.
David: It is too late, my blood is in your veins.
Michael Emerson: So is mine!
Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You *have* a t.v.?
Grandpa: No. I just like to read the T.V. Guide. Read the T.V. Guide, you don't need a t.v.
Max: It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. Just like one big, happy family. Your boys... and my boys.
Edgar Frog: Great! The Bloodsucking Brady Bunch!
Alan Frog: We don't ride with vampires.
Sam Emerson: Fine, stay here.
Edgar Frog: [Looks around, clearly scared] We do now.
Alan Frog: Yeah.
Edgar Frog: Listen, just so you know, if you try to stop us, or vamp out in any way, I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it!
Sam Emerson: Chill out, Edgar.
Edgar Frog: [coming to his senses] Right.
David: What, you don't like rice? Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong?
David: Now you know what we are, now you know what you are. You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But you must feed!
Alan Frog: [after Laddie vamps out] Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster!
Edgar Frog: Come on Sam, let's get out of here. Burn rubber!
[the car accelerates, almost driving over a cliff]
Edgar Frog: Christ!
Sam Emerson: Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!
Edgar Frog: I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them.
Grandpa: [the boys come in carrying Laddie and Star, who are sleeping. Grandpa is totally ignoring the unconscious Laddie in Edgar's arms, and Star in Michael's] Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas when you take it without asking?
Michael Emerson: [Hoping he says nothing about Laddie and Star] No, Grandpa.
Grandpa: Well, now you do.
Alan Frog: There's our number on the back. And pray you never need to call us.
Sam Emerson: I'll pray I never need to call you.
Edgar Frog: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam] Okay, where's Nosferatu?
Sam Emerson: Who?
Edgar Frog: The prince of darkness.
Alan Frog: The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
Edgar Frog: El Vampiro.
Sam Emerson: Mike! They're here!
Edgar Frog: How much do you think we should charge them for this?
Sam Emerson: [bursts into the video store where his mom is working] Mom, listen, I gotta tell you something - it's real important. Shh! Santa Carla is crawling with vampires.
Lucy Emerson: [to customers] Um, excuse me...
Sam Emerson: Mom, I'm serious! Listen, Edgar staked one, it was screaming and fizzing. Look, Mom, there's evidence on my sweater.
Grandpa: Hey! Smells good! When do we eat?
Lucy Emerson: I told Max around 8:00.
Grandpa: Max! Are we going to have company again?
Lucy Emerson: Again? Dad you haven't had company in this house since Mom died eight years ago.
Grandpa: Right! Now we are going to have company again!
Sam Emerson: What's that smell?
Edgar Frog: Vampires, my friend, vampires.
Sam Emerson: [about Star] It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?
[Star floats up]
Sam Emerson: She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike.
Sam Emerson: So where're we going?
Michael Emerson: Nowhere.
Sam Emerson: So what's the rush? You're chasing that girl aren't you? Come on, admit it. I'm at the mercy of your sex glands, bud.
Sam Emerson: Got a problem, guys?
Edgar Frog: Just scoping your civilian wardrobe.
Sam Emerson: Pretty cool, huh?
Alan Frog: For a fashion victim.
Edgar Frog: You think you really know what's happening here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something, you don't know shit, buddy.
Alan Frog: Yeah? You think we just work at a comic book store for our folks, huh?
Sam Emerson: Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
Edgar Frog: This is just a cover; we're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're fighters for truth, justice, and the American way.
Grandpa: Hey, anything around here that might pass for aftershave?
Sam Emerson: How about some Windex, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that.
Michael Emerson: You have a big date tonight, Grandpa?
Grandpa: I'm going to drop my handiwork by the widow Johnson.
Michael Emerson: What'd ya stuff for her? Mr. Johnson?
Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!
Edgar Frog: You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot?
Sam Emerson: Yeah, all day.
Alan Frog: Does the sunlight freak him out?
Sam Emerson: Uh, he wears sunglasses in the house.
Edgar Frog: Bad breath, long fingernails?
Sam Emerson: Yeah, his fingernails are a little bit longer, um, he always had bad breath, though.
Alan Frog: He's a vampire all right.
Edgar Frog: All right, here's what you do: get yourself a good sharp stake and drive it right through his heart.
Sam Emerson: I can't do that; he's my brother.
Alan Frog: OK, we'll come over and do it for you.
Sam Emerson: No!
Edgar Frog: You'd better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it's your funeral.
Sam Emerson: And then his dog started chasing my mom like the hounds of hell in "Vampires Everywhere."
Edgar Frog: We've been aware there's some very serious vampire activity in this town for some time.
Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead.
Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall.
Alan Frog: Kill your brother, you'll feel better.
Alan Frog: Aaaaaah! Flies!
Edgar Frog: We're on the right trail. Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns. Come on.
Alan Frog: We blew it, man, we lost it!
Edgar Frog: Shut up!
Alan Frog: We unraveled in the face of the enemy!
Edgar Frog: It's not our fault, they pulled a mind scramble on us! They opened their eyes and talked!
Sam Emerson: Guys, we're on our own.
Edgar Frog: Good, just the way we like it.
Edgar Frog: Are you OK?
Sam Emerson: I nailed one of them downstairs with a bow and arrow.
Alan Frog: All right, Sambo!
Edgar Frog: We trashed the one that looks like Twisted Sister.
Alan Frog: Totally annihilated his night-stalking ass!
Edgar Frog: Well, Nanook helped a little.
Alan Frog: Death to all vampires!
Edgar Frog: Maximum body count!
Edgar Frog: We're awesome monster bashers!
Alan Frog: The meanest!
Edgar Frog: The baddest!
Alan Frog: Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet?
Sam Emerson: No, it's actually a pretty cool place... if you're a Martian!
Edgar Frog: Or, a vampire!
Sam Emerson: You guys sniffin' on newsprint or somethin'?
Michael Emerson: Looks like he's dead!
Sam Emerson: If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix?
Sam Emerson: There's no TV! Have you seen a TV, Mike? I haven't seen a TV. Do you know what it means when there's no TV? - No MTV!
Sam Emerson: Are you freebasing, Michael? Inquiring minds want to know.
Michael Emerson: Look, this isn't a comic book, Sam, these guys are brutal killers.
Sam Emerson: So are the Frog brothers!
Paul: You killed Marco!
Edgar Frog: Yeah, and you're next!
Paul: No, you're next!
[Paul sees garlic in the bathtub]
Paul: Haha! Garlic don't work, boys!
Edgar Frog: TRY THE HOLY WATER, DEATH BREATH!
Michael Emerson: [looking inside Grandpa's work-room] Talk about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
[Max changes into a vampire]
Max: I still want you, Lucy.
[he flashes his tongue out and Sam and Lucy scream while the rest gasp]
Max: I haven't changed my mind about that.
David: [offering Michael a drink of blood] Come on, be one of us.
Max: [reaches for Lucy's hand while strangling Sam] Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight.
Sam Emerson: Mom! Mom, no! Don't do it, Mom! Mom, don't do it!
Lucy Emerson: Sam...
Sam Emerson: Mom, no!
[Lucy reluctantly decides to abandon her humanity by taking Max's hand]
Sam Emerson: Mom, no!
Lucy Emerson: Sam!
[Max attempts to bite her]
Dwayne: [standing up after almost getting hit by bow and arrow] You missed, sucker!
Sam Emerson: Only once, pal.
Sam Emerson: I bet you hate garlic, dontcha!
Max: No, I like garlic! It's just a little much! It's raw garlic.
Michael Emerson: What's happening to me, Star?
Star: Oh, Michael. Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you.
Michael Emerson: What's happening?
Star: [whispers] I can't.
Grandpa: Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew that didn't improve her situation by getting divorced.
Grandpa: Well, now, let me put it this way. If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem.
Michael Emerson: I can't beat your bike.
David: You don't have to beat me, Michael. You just have to try and keep up.
Dwayne: [In the cave, talking to Laddie] Grab the rock box, kid!
Michael Emerson: [Sam comes out of the bathroom, Michael's hand is cut up, and bloody] Nanook.
Sam Emerson: What about Nanook? What'd you do to my dog, you asshole?
Sam Emerson: You're a vampire! I knew it!
Michael Emerson: I am not!
Sam Emerson: So what are you? The Flying Nun?
Lucy Emerson: You got carried away by a comic book?
Sam Emerson: It was a scary comic, mom. I'm sorry.
Sam Emerson: [Sam gets in bed with her] Have you been eating pizza?
Sam Emerson: No. Why?
Lucy Emerson: Phew. You smell like garlic.
[Sam opens his robe, he is wearing a garlic necklace]
Alan Frog: Santa Carla's become a haven for the undead.
Edgar Frog: As a matter of fact, we're almost certain that ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at city hall.
Sam Emerson: [yelling out the window to Star] Don't kill anyone until we get back to you!
Michael Emerson: [the Frog Brothers are talking about killing Star] Don't you touch her!
Edgar Frog: [to Alan] Come on. Vampires have such a rotten temper.
Alan Frog: First come, first staked.
Sam Emerson: What was that? A little vampire humor? Well, it wasn't funny!